HARMONY !

Hi Shiny,

I am pleased you are starting to feel more settled, you are going through quite a few changes at the moment, as long as you feel a little more happier and free.

Proud of you for staying so strong through it all and for continuing to repel those gambling demons.

Good to have you back, x

Hey shiny

Can relate to what your saying in many ways. Even though we are on opposite sides of the forum what we have in common is that we both decided to leave a relationship that was unhealthy .

Its a liberating time but also a vulnerable time as you say...

Keep close to the forum ((((S ))))) xxxx

Shiny.

My friend you and Rach used to talk about ledges and reaching the next one, always waiting for each other, helping guiding one another to the next level of safety, sanctuary.

Today it is great to read you are both still climbing, reaching for new heights.

That rope is and will always be there.

Keep on reaching the skies the limit.

Just for today, enjoy the Sun, be proud you earnt it.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Shiny,

Keep on moving forward. Correct, you do have so much to deal with but you are a strong lady and proven through time that you can take a hell of a lot and still manage to move forward.

As for tackling too much at the same time and making too many changes at once, I believe we can do anything depending on how positive we feel. With my last slip I just could not find the desire to come back here and start all over again. Then all of a sudden, I lost again and came back here for help. I was overwhelmed once again and decided to comit myself to not gambling again, I also comitted myself to stopping smoking and comitted myself to getting fit again and entered a marathon. Crazy but all these things together have gave me so much focus. I feel so good because I know that the changes I have made have all been crucial to my want of a better, healthier and happier life. Positive change is fabulous. Only when we mope do we feel deprived. Deprived of what - the things that made us sad and depressed in the first place. So you deal with what you have to and make as many changes as you need to ensure that you have the quality of life that you deserve. And if this forum had a poll your name would be up top of the list for the people that we all want to see happy and content.

Tomso.

Hi Shiny,

Well there is no way that I can say it better than Tomso just did. I figure that I will probably always turn to food for that little extra comfort. What did we decide? Rome was not built in one day, and besides, we are here to enjoy life too!! You are going through some seriously stressful times and you are not gambling about it; and that is ALOT! Hug for you! -joanxxxxxx

Hi Shiny,

Thankyou for your kind support.

Keep strong hun

Ade xx

Hey shiny pants,

I am reading a great book brena brown the gifts of imperfection, and I love this quote from it just wanted to share it.

Owning our stories can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on belonging and joy- the experiences that make us most vunerable.

Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.

Keep shining , shiny pants lol

Blondie xxx

Explore the darkness my lovely ...because from shitola the best roses bloom xx

No matter what comes up and out ....it's unconditional.....

couldn't see the rope Duncs talks about over Xmas but I just trusted it was still there ...it is ! ...keep putting one hand in front of the other and heave ...heave...heave ..

R and D xx

Hey Hun

Just popping in to say thank you for not giving up on me given my pendulum seems to be stuck on my alter ego ....lol

Sometime it has to go full circle ....guess you understand that in this process we all change ..kind of cause and effect...

We both got stronger....We wore up and once you wake up you can't go back to sleep ...

I will be out of this particular phase soon ...that I do know ...but as I said to SA ..I tried to rise above it all that much I got starved of oxygen ! Lol ...this is the inevitable backlash of living a half life for years .

Onwards and upwards ...but not too high...it's nice to get your hands dirty somedays in the thick of all that is human ...makes me feel alive anyway...and I can breathe now

R and D xxx ...

Yo,

Thank you for your posts people will spend some time posting tomorrow , tonight feeling reflective .

These are my thoughts , not sure you will all agree with me , but they are what they are .

I think it's a cop out sometimes to blame our gambling addiction for our behaviour . Normal people what do they blame ?

Once again I am ok , trying hard to stay focused on the end result ( found blondies quote very inspiring) .thanks Hun xx

Have I become a very ruthless person , during my battle to put myself and my needs first ? Never thought I had but maybe .

Am I loosing the person I was ? maybe I needed too .

I have spent a life time pandering to people who put themselves first . Is it not my time ?

Those are thoughts , right or wrong ,I will no doubt find a balance which i can feel at peace within myself .it might not happen today but I know it will .

Shiny xx

Mornin shiny

U dont need me to tell u I agree with every word u say where u r and what u need to do , all I can say is ditto

Blaming gamblin on our behaviours again is right we shouldn't what I find worse is when people blame everything and everybody apart from themselves , we av a much better chance of survival in our own recoveries when we own up to our own actions and be responsible for them

Nothing to report on bgt from jess she's still enjoying the voice , also loves the cube and we av to reenact all the games when they av played them , all good fun though bless her

Take care

Castle2

Morning Shiny.

again great post to read, more food for thought. for me essential in the forward recovery process.

Here is what is in my minds eye.

We whilst at it will go to some amazing lengths to keep our addiction our little secret, to admit it to another person would surely admit defeat, and as we both know at it we are always thinking the win the "big one" is just around the corner,sad irony is if it came it would'nt be enough. but through doing battle with the machine I lost countless wallets,missed appointments,lent money to ghosts and so on. And all this was down to the cursed bad luck that everyone except myself was to blame for. Gambling became the reason to do nothing but gamble it came first, in my life.

Then through abstinence I believe I owed a pennance a debt to everyone I had wronged, through gambling I felt I lost my right to have a voice, gambled away the right,but through Ga and the twelve steps and the forum and the great help from Mr.B I have learnt that it is good to have a voice, good to be heard.

So through abstinence we stop/ arrest those horrendous behaviour patterns and through it we better ourselves.

Shiny my dear friend recovery is bespoke, through arresting your addiction YOU give youself the right to make choices, yes You have to come first in this, then the life choices will surely better everyones life, therefore the risk of the return to those behavoiurs the ones which our addiction gives us no choice but to use to feed the addiction will again revive themselves.

I believe these are not selfish acts but us taking a stand, making LIFE our choice.

A fella who has twenty years abstinence behind him said to me "to simply arrest the punting is not enough, through it you need to learn to enjoy winning"

And that my friend is what you are doing.

Stand tall, be proud, you hold the reigns,

me I doff that cap, your way.

just for today.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Shiny one ...

I think your thoughts are pretty normal and I mean that in a good way...I think for most other halves ,the biggest challenge is to also try and get passed the idea that blaming gambling is a cop out ...and that it is an illness and shouldn't be taken personally .

Truthfully ,as much as I intellectually believe it there is a part of me that doesn't ..am still working on that;)

" normal " people as you say still blame ...we all do ,the difference is without a disease to "blame" it normally comes out on other people.

When I say blame ..again let that not be taken out of context as I mean "finding a reason for.."

When I'm being a selfish,arrogant old cow bag essentially it's deliberate with big consequences ...I have nothing or no one to blame as its totally conscious...this is what i think has been misunderstood when I have talked about being jealous of people in addiction and having no escape as from my position I have see it as escape and I have been left carrying all the responsibility .

I'm not sure this is making sense but I do know the feeling of being put upon.

I could not have stayed with my ex ,even if he had got recovery as I know my limitations. Illness or not in my head with the damage that was done,he forfeited any rights or say so over my life for good.

I would have abused that set up big style to reclaim my power back and set up more stress in the future ....devils knows its own tricks best ; ) ...that's why i have not been convinced in meetings when I hear of the " Stand by your man "..ones as my own opinion is that there is a trade off going on and it's still not honest recovery with a castrated male in tow.

As much as I'm off the opposite s*x right now ...not even I would stoop so low as to inflict that level of humiliation long term without a conscience...

I'm a vengeful cow...can't change it ...thats why there was no option but I can work with my limitations just like anyone else has to .The urge for payback in me is too great and in the same relationship even in sobriety I would not have been able to forgive .

still thinking about your post and pondering

R and D xx

Yo,

Thank you guys for your post , plenty of pondering to do still I think .

I know I have made the right choice leaving , it's just that old loyalty and duty thing creeping into my thoughts . Do I owe them ( my family) ?

I have not missed them whilst living here , in fact I have not missed living above the shop at all .

I see them most days ,so maybe that's why I do not miss them.

Should I ?

Although I am virtually living out a suitcase and most of my things are at home . I feel much more at peace here . Maybe I feel guilty bout that ?

That was what my post was a out last night .

After all I put my family through during my gambling nightmare , do I owe them ?

Or have I paid my dues ?

I do not expect an answer guys , cos how would you know . Just penning my thoughts so to speak

Shiny xxxx

You recently said there are givers and takers ...well my lovely I think theres two kinds of addicts...inherant and reactive ...

With reactive ..the urge to self harm disappears once the cause of the urge is taken away ....

Not gonna win any pals with that thinking but I can only speak from my own experience, strength and hope ; )

Hugs xxx

Ps ...your guilt is also entirely natural and is so for anyone who leaves no matter what circumstances,...it is harder to leave than stay but what it shows is that you are going in the right direction and finding the shiny that was lost xx