HARMONY !

Hi Shiny,

Have some down time this morning so, hanging around the diaries a little bit. I'm sure you are doing just fine. Just sending a quick note to say hello and remembering something you said awhile back there about how we can sometimes even get too distracted or thrown off track by these diaries. I hope I am paraphrasing that correctly. If not, huge apology. Anyway, I agree. There is a balance to be found everywhere in everything. Learned, still learning, and hope to learn more. Keep on shining Shiny! -joanxxxxxx

Yo,

Sorry I have not posted just busy busy busy .

Today started on my electronic cigs , now there's an addiction I would not mind , as opposed to the 20 a day I was smoking lol

Everything is ok, dad has good days and bad days . Today' was not so good , as for the rest well I seem to be taking it in my stride . Standing firm . So that's good . Feel really empowered:-)

I will catch up with you all , when I have time .

For now thank you for your posts and take care

Shiny xxxxxxxx

Just keeping an eye! lol

Take care

Yo,

Thank you Smiler , hope all is well in your world.

Good day today , have secured some where really nice to live for the next three years , which will allow a room for my youngest and I will have enough money to put her through uni . This has taken one weight off my shoulders .

Also agreed with my husband that I will walk away from the shop, and have my name taken off everything shop related in September . I will leave with next to nothing but I am ok with that just want OUT .

So another weight soon to be lifted .

When I think back to my gambling days it felt at times there was no way out , this situation my marriage the shop felt the same . But it's what a month odd since I left and slowly the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle are coming together .

This will allow me to concentrate on ensuring that my dad gets the best care I can give him.

Day 2 of e cigs , so that's good . Need to keep going with those . My incentive the money I save pays half of my daughter uni allowance .

That's it for now , enjoy your weekend you all .

Shiny xxxx

Shiny,

It makes me so happy to see you happy. I often wonder if you are the type of person who realises how courageous you are. You have had to make some tough decisions in your life and without knowing you I would imagine this has happened in the past as well as the present.

Also, I am delighted to read that your daughter will be going to Uni and if she is anything like you I would imagine she would have no problem majoring as a therapist. Many on here have benefited from your carefully thought out words of comfort. I sure have and again fully appreciate your recent post on my diary.

Tomso.

Shiny.

I smiled when I read that post and here is why.

you my not leave financially rich, but in so many other ways your life is richer than your wildest dreams.

And because you put in the effort, enjoy the reward.

P.s hope them e ciggies do the trick, oh how I miss smoking, although I enjoy the money more!!

I would have loved an e pipe!! Lol wonder if they do one

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning Shiny, many people choose to live in misery for fear of taking the courageous steps of moving into the 'unknown.' Their 'comfort' is their downfall. They end up existing day to day on pills, booze, addictions or sadly whatever it takes to paper over the cracks and numb the grinding pain of continual hopelessness. However, you have taken the bull by the horns and clearly said 'enough is enough,' your taken yourself out of the situation which has wore you down for so long and I applaud you for that. I'm certain you'll find a new, better life where you are now, a chance to be who you really are without the burden of propping up others or playing different roles. Some may view that you've given up so much materialisticly to achieve this but I say 'no' it's a small price to pay for happiness, a calm mind and to reclaim your life. Possessions are often a ball and chain and end up owning you rather than you owning them. You have nothing to fear now only uncertainty and that is only a guise for new opportunities, which is something I always relish.

Again I think you're very brave and what your doing is positive and liberating. Only when you regain control of your life and your not being pulled in one direction or the other then you can leisurely guide yourself to the middle lane and cruise along freely.

I hope the e ciggies are helping, if you can give up the 'demon weed' you can do anything. What you're doing with your Dad is commendable, I'd do exactly the same. I'm sure he's grateful and proud of you in his own way and this is a positive thing which you too should be proud of.

You've come a long way Shiny, down difficult roads and whether you like it or not, through your words, advice and actions you Inspire people.

Take it easy.

Steve

Morning shiny

Reading ur post reminded me where I was over 3 years I made the biggest decision of my life , was I scared ? Yes I was knowin the perils that would lie ahead the unknown not knowing what via future would bring but I was unhappy and wanted out , so that decision u av made I know exactly how hard it was prob even harder for a female but we do only live once and life is for living and enjoying

No doubt there will be some tough days ahead but that better life will come and when it does u deserve all the happiness that comes ur way

So proud of u

Castle2

Good morning Shiny,

Just caught up with your diary this morning after not spending much time on here nowadays. It sounds as if life has been busy for you, and by the sounds of it, you are making all of the right decisions, to give you a happier life. Keep making the right choices my friend and well done on giving up smoking, something that I must think about soon.

Take care

Wilsy x

Yo,

Good morning one and all , thank you for your posts .Found an hour so think I have caught up on a your diaries and reposted.

Doing pretty good today . The rough terrain is most defo starting to even out a bit .

I have always known that my addictions were exasperated by the way I lived my life .

I have on many occasions talked about the need for peace and quiet . Dads house is very quiet . I am sitting here and there is total silence . I find that incredibly soothing .Like superman it is my Kryptonite silence increases my strength to fight the daily battles . Although to be honest with the exception of my lovely dads illness , the battles have turned into squirmishes as opposed to full on call out the Calvary confrontations .

My goal has always been to live in harmony with my addictive ,compulsive personality . I knew for me to stand any chance of coming close to that , that major changes needed to take place . But for years i never had the strength to face them head on. Instead stuck my head in the sand and prayed for a miracle that it would just sort it's self out .Or that Dusty would wave her magic wand , sprinkle a bit of dust and everything would be different .Yerrrr Right lol

Life does not work that way , we can I believe go into recovery but recovery is so much more than not gambling . It's about taking an honest look at ourselves , our lives , our relationships and being brave enough to make the changes needed to give yourself the bestest chance of sustaining that recovery through thick and thin . If a year go someone had told me I would be sitting here , content with my lot , I would have replied 'in my dreams '. One day I woke up and realised that my wants , my needs , my future mattered just as much as the next person and that no one was going to fight in my corner so I bloody well needed to do it myself .

Where will I be in year , well carry on at this rate and you may well have a new female Pm . Lol

Today and this is very very usual for me , I am proud of me .

Laters

Shiny xxxxx

Yo Shiny... nice post.

Ditto about the silence being incredibly soothing. I find that after a hard day of constant noise and mental intrusion that coming back to peace and quiet is blissful and re-invigorates my soul and readies me to fight the next days battle. Some people need the constant stimulation of others to make them feel whole, but that definitely ain't me.

Good to read that your looking after self and moving forward. Thanks for your support... S.A 🙂

Hi Shiny,

Thank u 4 ur lovely post on my diary. It means a lot 🙂

U help and support so many ppl here , u deserve nothing but happiness 🙂

Have a gr8 day xx

hey shiny pants,

lovely post from you, sounds like your finding your true self and understand that you are entitled and have needs to, Your growing in strength everyday even when you might not feel like it.... Little steps to the bigger picture and myyyyy what a vista it is....

Hugs to you and yours.. and a big one to your dad ((((((((shiny pants))))) ((((shiny dad))))

xxxxx

Shiny,

Loved reading your recent post. I agree totally. I don't see my diary as specific to just gambling addiction. Like you, I look at my whole life and try to better it. Gambling puts me way down deep and finally when I am broken it is like re-building. You start to believe in yourself again through abstinence and notice happy changes to your life and before you know it this begins to influence all other areas of your life. Since I have came here I have learned so much from people like yourself and my problem is not just gambling. I am compulsive with many different things. I continue to be all or nothing and don't really know how to change this. I am comitted to whatever I choose and believe this has brought me much success in life i.e. job, sport. For me the question is how do I change enough without changing who I am completely? Life is a mystery.

You enjoy that peace and quiet.

Tomso.

Shiny.

One word. " Harmony"

I raise my shake to you my dear friend.

Enjoy the silences and in equal measures the fireworks.

Why??

Because you are finding peace with yourself, a gift only you could unwrap.

Duncs stepping forward never back.