@p6z38njbqm Thanks Fish! We have both come a long way!
A few days it will be one year GF. No thoughts of gambling which is wonderful. No urges. Though I do still find myself doing the occasional google for casinos.... I am not sure why, well i do know why. Though I am largely recovered my brain will still have a tendency to drift down that path when I am not vigilant.
It has been a roller coaster of a year emotionally as I have learned how to regulate myself and live GF but life is so much better now.
Family life is good. Job and friends good. I'm still broke and paying off debt which leaves me with guilt but its a reminder to stay strong.
I still have a bad relationship with alcohol. One I really need to tackle that is where my focus is right now.
Good luck all
This is honestly the most relatable forum post I have come across! To get to the end and see that you are now a year+ GF is very inspiring! I am 15 days GF now, having come clean for the umpteenth time to my family and partner across 10 years. I am beginning counselling again, and it fills me with a huge amount of optimism reading your journey Bean! Great to read, and good luck with remaining GF. Cheers, L
Hope continue to stay strong on our mind
I have newly joined Gamcare. Although I read your post more than 16/17 months later after you first posted it, it is still a very insightful read. I could see myself hit the rock bottom as well if I don't try to stop this ill behaviour. I am also a impulsive gambler. It got serious basically this year although every now and then I would play the 10 slot machines over many years. This year I started to visited the amusement more often, sometimes everyday. These days I started playing £2 stake slot machine. I couldn't believe £500/£600 would soon go down the drain so quickly within a day. Last week just in two days I lost nearly £900. All the damages started from winning.. I lost all the winning plus with a deficit of £900. Losing quick and steep like this makes me shiver but sadly I still have urges although I was away from that amusement for four days. I found reading you guys post can consolidate me with a better picture of how destructive this sickness can lead to. I hope you are still staying strong and heading more to the bright path. Thanks again for your posts. All the best.
@zt8afh9p2c thank you for your words. I hope that the past few months have gone okay with for GF journey
Soooo. Some months have passed since I checked in. Great to see that the forum is active and old faces are still fighting the fight against this horrible illness.
I haven't gambled I am happy to say. I have no urge to gamble either. I truly never thought I would ever get to this point. It is so easy to forget how bad it got and what gambling robbed from my life.
However it hasn't been easy over the past year.
I know I have a complicated relationship with anything that gives me a shortcut to dopamine. Alcohol, prescription drugs, s*x you name it...
I always drank too heavily and this was connected to gambling. It always was. I would drink and gamble then drink to cope with the loss and gamble again.
When I cut out gambling I decided to get fit. However I kept drinking. It got to the point of drinking 2 bottles of wine per night.
This December I walked into a drink rehab centre. I now have a key worker and am taking meds to help with abstinence. I have fallen off the waggon a few times but drinking is now under control. I haven't had a drink for weeks after consuming daily.
I didn't truly realise that the gambling addiction went so deep. I have a need in me that I was trying to satisfy in all the wrong ways.
Gambling... Alcohol... Attention even checking my phone every min of the day. I'm always on the hunt for a fix. I am so much better than I was but still trying to get that inner peace that everyone craves.
Anyway, gonna shut up now and crack on.
Good luck everyone on your own journeys
@thebean Hi bean.
Lovely to hear from you again. What a commendable thing to do and especially in December too!
Keep going and any slips, just make sure you reset, re focus and get yourself right back on track (in terms of your alcohol intake that is).
Lovely to read that you are still g.f also 👏👏👏.
Take care and keep in touch.
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Inspirational read Bean. I too drink and gamble. That's when I was worst. I cut down when I stopped but like you my drinking crept back. Luckily I've kept it in check, which helps with the gambling.
Brave move addressing your addictions head on. Love to read that you have though. Keep fighting the good fight, and keep checking in occasionally. I love to hear how you are getting on. Bet you feel absolutely amazing being GF and booze free!!
Stay strong mate 👍
Hi Bean
Such a good read, your diary. How are you doing ?
I can relate to the idea of realizing that some habits we get caught in can take away from the simple joys of life. The fact that you're now looking forward to things like reading or playing a game without the need to distract yourself from past urges shows real growth.
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