Hope

Hiya SA,

It's great when we can turn a day around and make it better...aint always easy though. Hope you okay 🙂 Take care

Del xox

Hi SA

Well done for thinking positively. This is a great weapon against things 'not going right' and accepting what we cannot change but doing what we can.

Interestingly, I read the 2nd Monday in January is supposed to be the one of the most depressing days of the year coming after Christmas/New Year festivities and along way from next pay day after spending out for many people, so you are not alone!

I also get annoyed where I work (in retail) at colleagues who don't listen and respect me as well management who treat me not as well as others, also at some very rude and annoying customers whos purpose in life seems to be rubbing you up the wrong way and trying to get a 'rise' out of you!

The best tool is like you say carry on with your own job, and ignore the inadequacies on others. It is frustrating though with what some colleagues seem to get away with compared to others and the way some colleagues talk down to you when they are the same level.

I am the sort of sensitive/quiet person where people have got to me in the past when all I want to do is get on with my job and a 'quiet life' but sometimes you do have to speak up for yourself or people just walk over you and a form of bullying takes place. There seems to be a careful balance to get your point across at work but not make too much off a fuss or it just makes things worse. Often as you say sometimes the best way is to get on with your own job and ignore what other colleagues are doing unless it is affecting your mental health badly.

Anyways I have been off gambling since 31/12/11 and it has been easier to deal with the work situation sometimes feeling like being a dogsbody for other work colleagues and customers!

Keep going and thanks for your continued friendship and support to me in my diary.

Regards Awayout

Thank you guys and gals. I be sure to reply to you all over the weekend.

A fairly positive week all in all. My boss asked if i wanted to increase my contracted hours and I thought yeah lets do it. I want to earn more money not just because i f***** up on the gambling front and want to pay off my overdraft but also there are things I want to do and buy that cost a little something. It gets a bit depressing just paying the rent and bills and then there is not much left.

The boss even invited me to her wedding which was a bit of a shock really given our history.. but hey ho.. things change.. any bad feeling between us from the past is now the past and I try not to hold on to bad feelings... and by the looks of it neither does she.

Anyway I reckon barring anything unforseen happening I should be back on an even keel financially by end of March.

Am still feeling a bit melancholly just now but its only to be expected I spose. I get a bit sad at how close I have come to stopping and staying stopped over a good number of years now.. only to suddenly sabotage myself. If I'd of stopped and stayed stopped a decade ago when i first tried to give up who knows where my life would be at. Anyhows no gambling problems. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Last gamble 24th December 2011

Hi SA

Just saw you post.

I'm a bit behind with reading these diaries, but its great to read of no gambling problems at your end in your last post..

I'll catch up with your diary over the next couple of days..

Have a great weekend mate

All the very best

Hi SA

Good to see you looking forward to the future, and like many others say try not to dwell on the past too much. Things sound encouraging on the work front, more hours = more money and less time to think of gambling 🙂 You sound happier, just think of the poor sod who has to marry your boss!!!

All the best mate

Keith

Hi SA,

Glad you are feeling better about work. You must be doing a good job if they are increasing your hours : )

Coming up to a calendar month bet-free - high five for that!

Take care,

f x

Hey thanks peeps. 🙂

A month gambling free today... thats always a good thing eh??

When i came out of that arcade on exmas eve having exhausted my access to money... for a while I just wanting to die.. I was not actively suicidal but for an hour or so I simply wanted the world to swallow me up.

I was feeling like a failure as a human being. I was feeling like the lowest of the low (again!). Its like... how could an educated man repeat the same behaviour over and over again for a decade and more?? But hey thats addiction for you isn't it??... its not an intellectual problem its an emotional problem.

A month on and ineviatbly I am feeling better than i was. My financial situation has stabalised and my emotional health has improved. I am once more feeling ok and i am taking responsibility for myself.

I want and deserve a better quality of life than i have been living and the only way I can do this is to continue to fight the good fight and not gamble.. a day at a time.

Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

Last gamble 24th December 2011

Am still feeling a bit melancholly just now but its only to be expected I spose. I get a bit sad at how close I have come to stopping and staying stopped over a good number of years now.. only to suddenly sabotage myself. If I'd of stopped and stayed stopped a decade ago when i first tried to give up who knows where my life would be at.

Or to put it another way, just imagine if you had 'given up giving up' at any of those points - where would you be or not be now

Yes you might be doing it a hard way but you're still fighting the fight, you're now very quick at jumping back on the bandwagon, you provide some fantastic and much appreciated advice and cheer around these forums and you provide something for your clients that makes a difference to their lives

S.A - You and I havent gambled during 2012 nor are we going to!

congrats on the one month marker, keep up the great work - both on here and looking after those clients of yours!

Thanks Dan.. no gambling here in 2012 or since 24th December 2011.. one day at a time.. never give up giving up... S.A 🙂

Hi SA

Glad you're back in the groove. You have carried me along for some time so please feel free to jump on my back (metaphorically speakeing). Hope work is getting better and more hours might just make you realise you are valued in there. Take care

Sounds like 2012 is going great for you so far. How is the running going?

Keep up with the great work.

GT

Thanks Smiler and Gt.. and yes Smiler I guess my boss finally deciding to increase my hours is an acknowledgment of the good job that i do. It is hard though working for a manager who is so completely self-absorbed.. always quick to shout and blame and criticise and pass judgement and yet unable to offer praise or sometimes even acknowledge the good work that I or others do. Its all about her.

Of course on one level I don't really care. It doesn't matter.. because I know when ive done a good job and I can motivate myself and hey as the theory goes.. we cannot change others behaviour all we can change is our own reaction to it. Its just hard though thats all. It gets me down sometimes.

Its like when i said "goodbye have a nice weekend" as i left.. and she didn't speak or even look up from her phone... its just rude! It shouldn't bother me but at this moment in time it does. Guess am just a bit stressed after a long week... I be fine in a bit.

No gambling problems but still a bit worried about lack of money.. but thats life.

I was walking down the gym the other day and a memory from years ago popped into my mind. It was after a Ga meeting and i was walking to the tube with another Cg who hadn't gambled for years and hes says.. hold on a sec and dashes into this shop and comes out with a big juicy apple. He says.. "I thought you might like this". I ate the apple.

There was a message in that apple.. not literally of course.. but the implied message was "look after yourself".. I understood what he mean't but never really internalised that message.

Am gonna look after myself this weekend.. I deserve it. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Last gamble 24/12/2011

What really matters is that you are not rude.

I feel the same when I say good morning or afternoon when I am out and about on one of my jogs.

If they don't respond, then they have a problem. They might be just having a bad day though...

...perhaps on their way back from the bookies?!

What really matters is that I have tried to be polite and that I have values in life.

GT

Hi SA

I totally get what you are saying. Maybe you are a bit too sensitive, I know I am. Try thinking about the ruck sack and she has put something in your ruck sack that you are carrying around. It doesn't belong to you so take it out and just discard it. Don't let it fester inside your mind. It is nice to be nice so it is their problem if they cannot respond in a polite and pleasant manner!

Take care and good to see you posting!

Hi SA..I had someone be rude to me this week and shared it at my meeting...I was told "its non of your business Rachel if someone does'nt like you or is off with you"

Kind of a weird way to say it but on reflection it is true as it does'nt belong to me .

What's important is your not rude like that as you keep your side of the street clean....don't let it spoil your weekend..hand it over..let it go....

I would ask ... will your Boss be sat now worrying abut her behaviour towards you?...No...give it and her as much thought as she will be doing for you.....have a goodie SA...onwards and upwards and I hope that you will re quote these words back to me at some point..lol ..xx