Hope

Well done on the marathon - 4 hr 20 min is a very respectable time!

Great to hear that you're over 4 (nearly 5) months without gambling too - keep it going!

Ah thank you everyone. Always great to get such supportive replies.

Am having a good day today. Ive had my first run since the marathon. Am carrying a slight injury so I stopped at 1 hour 30 mins run time. I say 1 hour 30.. its like this use to be as much as i could do and now its kind of medium length run... ive come a long way.

I say again to myself what an acheivment my marathon was.. I now realise now how ill I was on the day (now that i don't feel unwell), not just hungover.. but ill.. so to do the time i did regardless is blumin excellent. Not that i should get all hung up about the time.. but I do really. Sometime over the next 10 years before old age slows me down proper I want to reach my potential.. see what am really capable off.. and the best way of measuring that is in the times to complete races. On to the next...

The comedy was ok Freda... the ticket was £20.. it was at the NIA in birmingham. The place is huge and we were about 3 miles form the stage, so you watched it on a big screen. I mean it was funnyish and i did my best to enjoy it but the seats were cramped knees all squashed up against the seats in front and i was about to take my coat off but the lights went down and then it all became to akward.. so i say their feeling hot and an hour and a half later we all trooped out. My mate was driving and we spent an age just trying to get out of the multi-storey car park along with the rest of the world. It felt like a bit of an Orwelian nightmare lol.. though in reality it just a bit tedious.

For me the best part of the evening was the pint beforehand where i could catch up with my mate and just generally people watch. On a positve if i was gambling going to the this comedy night would not have been an option.. to spend £20 on a ticket £30 with beer etc.. well i simply would not have had the money. I must remember this... not gambling brings options and possibilities. gambling brings.. nothing.

No moaning about work today (will leave that till next week) am just enjoying the day. I really like that phrase "keep calm and gambling free".. cos thats all their is to it in my opinion. Its like once youve made that decision to stop... its just a question of not getting panicked and gambling when the going gets tough.

Thats often been my downfall. The classic one being.. the unexpected bill, the unexpected expense... the general worry of seemingly living on the financial edge like..all the time. The panicky thought that one that i will always be on the financial edge.. like for ever and ever and then panicking and thinking... well maybe if i put some schrapnel into the machine I will walk away with the jackpot and rush off to pay off the rent and council tax for the next x weeks or months. Its these erroneous thoughts in the moment together with ever present feeling of wanting to escape from pressure and stress and any feeling you may care to mention.. that has the potential to trip me up, trip any of us up, at any time.

But ive done well for a few months now.. as indeed ive done before and it really is a question of one day at a time and living in the moment and not worrying excessively of what may or may not be coming down the road. The one day at a time principle being something that ive gone on about for ever and a day but sometimes find hard to put into practice myself.. mostly when i feel under pressure and stress which i fo quite alot of the time.. but not today, not at this moment in time... so thats good.. savour the moment isn't it. Enjoy the happy feeling while it lasts. The after run glow as i think it is.

Thanks for listening folks.. S.A 🙂

Last gamble... 24th December 2011

Nice one SA, your calmness shines through in your post. Calm is good, it keeps us rational and that keeps the demons away.

Keep it going mate, it really does bring better things to life!

ODAAT

Weldy

Thanks Weldy... I guess am still fairly calm and resilient despite two diffilcut days at work. I am tired though. I should have been given a day off in the week because I worked Saturday but the boss says that because she is away I can't have it for the next 3 weeks. She of course hopes that I will just forget but forget i will not. I would say that its 3 days to the weekend.. but come saturday i feel obliged to go to bosses wedding. This low paid stressful job I am in just consumes my life and often my sanity.

A collegue of mine has just been accepted on a nursing course.. she's very happy. I am happy for her to.. but also a little sad that when i did nursing many years ago I dropped out near the end of the course.. a big reason being cos of gambling. I hate gambling and what ive done to myself and what ive not acheived because of my gambling.

I continue to ride the crest of the wave in life. It feels as if at any moment I will fall over and be consumed.. but each day as i wake I keep riding that wave.. what other choice do i have??

Keep calm and gambling free isn't it?? Thanks for listening.. S.A

Last gamble 24th December 2011

Hi SA...

Just popping in to say hi and that your right..the crest of the wave is really all we have and its being able to manage those highs and lows and seeing them both as illusions really.

I'm saying all this...but i'm rubbish at being stable but even if we fall over at least we can get back up and live to fight another day...we are all survivors on here in one way or another i think.

Your crest is my rug...I always live in fear of the rug being pulled and wont ever totally get over that but am learning to live life on life's terms as they say.Not easy when your a control freak like me ...lol

Keep calm and carry on being gambling free SA ...you are doing fantastic ...

Wondering if you have ever googled the words of the Rudyard Kipling poem "IF"....its very fitting I think for us all on here.

Keep strong.....

Rachel and Dotty xx

Hay honey,

Throw a sicky , play it up the day before. Cause if you do not want to go to her wedding dont . Just lay he ground work the day before, clutch back in pain you know what I mean.

At the end of the day you know what's best, just makes me cross, that you have to work on your day off, and not know when it will be returned, to be honest out of order to expect to work like this.

Wish you could come and work for me, no chance of reapplying to finish your nursing.

Stay stong my friend, you deserve so much more in life, I really hope you get the break in life you deserve.

Dusty xxxxx

Thanks Dotty and Dusty... your thoughts help as always.

Work has gone well today. Everyone it bit more relaxed and chatty cos the boss has finally gone on her leave. The atmosphere has changed. I also got to go to a Toby carvery for lunch and feed for free which was nice and this evening ive been for a run and feel good for it. A positive day all in all... and of course NO gambling!

Thanks for listening.. S.A

Last gamble 24th December 2011

P.s... I did google that poem Dotty.. thought id pop it in my diary... so here it is for me and who ever else to mull over...

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Glad work has been good today!

Feel sorry for the poor so* who is marrying that wizened old crow though!

Hey 6 months is coming around for you next week - awesome!

f x

hear hear Freda...xx

Hiya SA....glad you looked at that poem...it kind of says it all really doesn't it....

I shall let you know if i have any emotional revalations...I know I need to exercise more and maybe I can crank up my walking to a slow jog soon

take care SA ...keep on keeping on my friend xx

Rach and Doo xx (((SA)))

Thanks Freda and Dotty...actually its approaching 5 months rather than 6.. but hey who's counting.. well I am actually 😉

Am feeling ok recently... resilient is very much the word of the moment me thinks. Am just digging deep and living each day as it comes. I have done well this last 5 months. Is good that i say this to myself. Just gotta keep going.. look to the long term.

Sometimes i find myself comparing my life to the lives of others. I was watching Homes under the hammer the other day. There was this couple that had boughts this delapidated home and renovated it to a high standard. They were both twenty somethings.. she a pretty blond primary school teacher and he a strong armed jack of all trades. They had very supportive friends and family that helped out as much as they could to help keep the costs down They had the potential to sell said property for a huge profit.

I hate them!... not really.. but do ya know what i mean?.. ya watch something on the telly and instead of just feeling happy for them you find yourself feeling a bit jealous and envious and then the woe is me "what a s**t life i have" thoughts come in... regrets of past opportunities missed cos of gambling and drinking.

Then there's this new fella that has started at my work.. he been with us for a few weeks now. Very quiet hardly says a word. I like him though. He's just started to open up a bit now that he's settling down. He comes from a large family. he has lots of brothers.. and he being a twin. Most of them still life at home even though they are well into there twenities. The way he describes his life he's got tonnes of support lots of love and is secure in himself. Again I find myself doing that comapre and contrast thing. Much for me to work on...

.... Just been on a cathartic journey down memory lane... the roots of my addiction and all that. I'd wrote a bunch of stuff.. but have decided to delete it....

Off to the bosses wedding today. O what joy lol. Show my face and then disappear me thinks. Thanks for listening folks.. S.A 🙂

Last gamble... 24th December 2011

But what you have to remember is that there are plenty of other people in a much worse position that us.

And for that we all have to be eternally grateful.

Just concentrate on yourself, I know, I have learnt this in the last couple of days!

NT

I find myself CONSTANTLY comparing myself to others and feeling s**t. I try to counterbalance it with thinking about someone who I am doing BETTER than, which helps, even though I'm not keen on letting others' failings make me feel good about myself if you know what I mean. Probably better to be able to get to a place where I am not threatened by other people's success at all.

BUT everyone does it. People do it more when they are not feeling great. I get irritated by the rich g*ts on location, location, location when they have a budget of half a million or something. Having said that, I aways also note how picky and difficult to please, the richer people seem to be - so maybe even with all that money they are no happier?

take care, it is funny that I can't count very well! well done on 5 months all the same 😉

f x

Thanks Nt and Freda... and yes f.. because today am feeling good I can just feel happy for those in a more secure and confortable place than myself.

Yesterday was a bit s**t though.. hanging around all morning waiting to go to the wedding of the century (not!).. ie my bosses. Thank god two or three others from work were there as well otherwise i'd of felt like a complete lemon. We hid at the back of the church and once the service was over we went to pub over road. We had a couple of beers and that I thought would have been that.. but no we ended up going to the reception and another beer or two and lots of standing around people watching.. at which point my addictive head started to work on me... ie the thought of getting proper wasted and make a t*t of myself or to skull off and go on a bit of a mad one in town or something.

What did I do you may ask?

Well I put my beer down and walked home. Thankfully the f*** it head did not kick in. I got home had something to eat, idled away some time online and then went to bed.

On reflection it was a close call. It is just that sort of scenario that has ended in drunkenness and gambling binges. on more times than i care to mention. Phew!.. close call.

Today I woke up feeling ok and have been for a lovely 2 hour run. I feel great. Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

Last gamble 24th December 2011

What a coincidence! Like you, I have just come back from a lovely 2 hour run. It was not constant as it included two or three stops - car boot, reflecting on a bench by the lake, you get my drift.

Perfect running weather for it too, not too hot and not too cold. And a perfect way to brush off any of those little cobwebs that we may have hanging around us.

That wedding is now done and dusted, have you anything else to look forward to like another running event?

NT

Hi Nt... glad you enjoyed your run. Its so beneficial isn't it to ones health and well being and yes.. ive got my usual half-marathon in July and then all being well I will do my next full marathon come sept and then another half-marathon in Oct and maybe also Nov and maybe just maybe another marathon in December. I am making it so that ive always got a race to look forward to... thanks for listening... S.A 🙂