Hope

Sounds like this running idea might be good--I am off to run a bath in a few minutes so looking forward to feeling better!!

Stumper

Hiya SA...

just catching up on some posts here from the sick bay ..not great at sitting still even when i'm ill and frightened to death of missing out..lol

Just to echo Freda and your own thoughts here..its true we all compare and become envious and jealous at times ...its natural ..envy as opposed to jealously can inspire us to raise our game what ever that is...for me its peace of mind..I envy Ghandi but don't want to punch his lights out so if I get even a fraction of that serenity I will be chuffed.

I think anyone who goes into recovery is very lucky ...things like gamcare are free to all but the riches something like this brings... no amount of money can buy...Plus we are all unique..there will never be another SA...you're a limited edition ..a one off and there is no one else in the world like you.

Often its the simple things that make us happy and i know where I live which is quite a nice area...I have never seen so many empty booze bottles outside for the bins every week from people who on the surface appear to have it all...so its reassuring to know that we are all in the same boat...there is definitely something amiss in the kingdom of Babylon.

I think this is why these celebrity mags are so popular...we all like to be reassured that even mega rich people can still be as miserable as a**e and struggle with the same issues and it brings them down to earth and makes them real again.

Pleased as punch on your choice to not play the wild card and take the high road there at the wedding...would have set you back and the temporary thrill would have had long repercussions for you,.,.having fun on the middle road is where its at and i think all of us on here do a pretty good job at that every day...xxx

Rach and Doo xx

All i know is the more I have the more responsibility I feel to keep that whole show going...my equaton is less is more for peace of mind xx

Lol at Stumper's post!

Great to hear that there are plenty of things for you to look forward to.

I have just signed myself up to another half marathon this autumn. One more this year is enough for me!

NT

Thanks Stumper, Dotty and Nt... thoughts much appreciated as always. And its like what you say Dotty.. avoiding instant gratification with the long term consequnces. Am so glad I didn't go on a mad one after that wedding. I think this is the thing with not being accountable to anyone except myself.. that in principle, i can do exactly what i want to do (money and time allowing)whenever i want to do it. Am sure folks out there with responsibilities would love a bit of that but when you live with addiction it can be a double edged sword

Anyway things are ok here. Work still has very stressy moments (as always) but its also true to say that its all a bit more relaxed with the boss being away. No tense atmosphere and with moments of laughter and fun.

No gambling problems. Exactly 5 months ago today I was at rock bottom again! Today I am certainly in a better place in myself. Recovery is slow but ultimately fulfilling. Like dotty says peace of mind is priceless.

I continue to read others diaries and will write to my regular travellers in recovery soon. Signing off for now. Take care all... S.A 🙂

Last gamble... 24th December 2011

Just swinging by, to drop off a huge HIGH FIVE!!!! on 5 months today!

Nice one matey

f x

Hiya SA,

Your doing fabulous 🙂 Congrats on 5 months!

Got your message and thinking..aint it strange that every time I make a shift away from here that things take a downturn in one way or another. I think as per usual I'm forcing at something that just can't be forced..if that makes sense. Anyway ~I'm taking your advice..and thankyou for your support.

Hugs..hope the sun is shining as bright in your neck of the woods as it is here in ireland...its gorgeous.

Love Delx

Hiya SA

Great stuff on your 5 months and all the self motivation you put in to your recovery.

I too live alone and like you say it is a double edged sword as it is easier for us to just think.."its only us" and then make some poor choices as the consequences won't affect anyone else.

That's why Dots always included because in the absence of hubby or children if i can't do it for me I will do it for her.

We have to be more self motivated as nothing to buck against and too much freedom can also be equally trapping...like a kind of a paralysis.

Hope that makes sense SA and I think your doing fantastic ...I hope you are proud of yourself doing this off your own back...its very much recognised.

Hugs and warm thoughts from the "its not so grim up north" allience...

Rach and Doo xx

Hi SA,

Thankyou for your post,i always read your diary and know what a b****h your manager is.

Ive got two bosses one is my friend who ive known for twenty odd years no problems there,shes easy to talk to and sorts out problems asap its her partner whos in charge of money and wages etc. quick enough to claim money from us when jobs get cancelled etc not quite so fast to pay out when me and the other girls realise shes had one over on us,from last year.

Anyhoo well done on 5 months hope work snt to sressy for u atm.

Stay Strong

E xx

Thanks Dotty and Elizabeth.

Like you say Dotty when your on your own you really are working recovery for self and self alone. I read so much on the site about folk trying to stop gambling for the sake of their children or their partner or their parents... which makes me think that they would be back "at it".. if not for them. Therefore it being abstinence rather than recovery.

Not that i can scoff .. cos when i first tried to stop gambling it wasn't cos I wanted to stop for me.. it was because my family had found out about how much money i had gambled away which then included there baliouts. I was ashamed at what i had done.

Anyway today is a good day. Just enjoyed a lovely 2 hour run. No gambling problems... S.A 🙂

Last gamble... 24th December 2011

Hi SA

Thought I'd pop by and thank you for popping by! Glad you're going well. I like what you say about giving up for yourself. It really is the only way to give up. It is tough though, for some. Take care!!

Hi S.A

Belated congrats on 5 months gamblefree mate...With all the hassle that you have had to put up with especially from the boss from hell you should be very proud of yourself..

When things get tough its oh so easy to just say sod it and go off on one just to escape all the cr** just for a few hours, so a huge well done to you for hanging in there and not going down that road..

You are doing fantastic..Keep up the great work..

All the very best

Morning,

Well done on your 5 months. I have told you before you inspire each and everyone of us. Having the job that you do, and still not letting this devil of an addiction gets its claws into you, is something you should be sooo proud of.

Hope you have a great relaxing Sunday,

Take care

Dusty xxxx

Thanks Smiler, Londonbloke and Dusty 🙂

Ive been quite depressed the last few days.. especially after getting stuck into the beer Saturday night.

However ive had a steady 10 mile run along the canals this evening which has lifted my mood.. and am feeling more on a level.

Although I continue to struggle to make any meaningful changes in my life.. importantly I haven't gambled... so thats always a positive.

All for now and thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Last gamble 24th December 2011

Hi SA

just dropped by to say hello and wish you well, congrats on your achievment.

take care

W xxx

Thanks W.

A s**t day at work but i seem to have taken it all in my stride and its now the long bank holiday weekend... can't say better than that.

No gambling problems... but am under no illusions that the gambling montser within is just waiting to strike given a chance. But the gambling monster can just go f*** off!

Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

Last gamble of any kind was on the 24th December 2011