Hope

Hi Dotty.. For me a boss that understands how to manage people and empower the staff and is motivated to do so.. thats the wholly grail i think. I don't care what s*x they are but agree that generally speaking men are more straight forward than women bosses. My boss only seems interested in money and her empire.

To be fair she has been perfectly civil to me today, bordering on pleasant, but then i am a yes man when all is said and done. I don't cause problems for her. She had me load the garden furniture, plastic cups and jugs from the day centre into the minibus and deliver it to her home. She's having a barbeque later you see. We reckon that these things will never return to the centre.

On a personal level...do i care what she does??.. not really.. but its a shame that the quality of service we give to the clients gets compromised.. its a bit of a joke. Half the rooms at the centre aren't used or are full of junk. When things break they often don't get fixed. The whole place is a chaotic muddle and we muddle through as best we can. For staff that actually care of which I am one its disheartening.. I do the best i can and i choose to do that. Am not a marter (speeeling?) though. The deputy manager looks as if she'e on the verge of cracking up.. she wants to do a professional job but gets defeated and taken advantage of at every turn just like the rest of us.

Anyway i'm fine.. like you say Dotty.. thank cruntchy its Friday... S.A 🙂

Another day another post. I feel my stress levels coming down as the time since i was last at work gets longer.. about 15 hours I think.

Do you ever get that residual stuff in your head that takes time to clear when you leave for the weekend??.. its like the need to have crossed all the eyes and dotted all the tea's before being able to relax and completly switch off. Worst of all its the 3 hours after getting home and you remember something you should have done or wanted to do and didn't and then the internal debate begins.. shall i just drop a text to so and so and let them know or shall i just go back and do that thing i ment to do.. and then ya can't make up ya mind.. so ya do nothing by default and then feel slightly bad about it and then the evning has been lost to those work thoughts and then its only after a good nights sleep that ya wake and think to yourself.. why did I allow myself to get into a tizzy over those un-crossed eyes or dotted tea's... and yes i know i should have out i's and t's rather than eyes and tea's.. and thats bothering me to.. and yes generally I know i can't spell lol.. i don't care 🙂

Anyway, no gambling.. cos thats not good for me is it. Onwards... S.A 🙂

P.s its doting i's and crossing t's isn't it.. am befuddled today but cheerful ish.

Hi SA,

I think that people who end up getting jobs as managers, do so by generally having less self doubt. You have be quite self-assured to do a job like that. The problem is, that those with little self doubt, rarely take a look at themselves and their motives. They just do stuff and presume they are right.

Too much self doubt can also be a bad thing, as you are receptive to people's criticism and may be hesitant and unsure of yourself. People tend to take the P**s out of bosses like that, and again the work doesn't get done as it should.

I think the ideal balance to have as a boss, is someone who will listen to what you say, consider whether there is any truth in it, and then either discard it or take it on board. Someone who is confident, but aware that they are still capable of making mistakes, and comfortable with making changes if that is the case.

Sadly, most managers are the deluded self assured types who don't listen and believe their way is always best. By the very nature of this personality type, they are more likely to actively seek out positions of power.

I think you probably experience what I often do, in that although you can see what the problem is, and what needs to be done...you don't feel confident enough to actually do it. So you continue saying "yes" but don't like it, and resentment and anger builds. From the sounds of your boss, you would need to be extremely confident and assertive, have excellent control over anger impulses which she will actively try to trigger in people (because as soon as you get someone angry, you have more power over them, they have become your puppet), and to only ever make very minor mistakes, so they have nothing to put you down about.

I don't think this woman is ever going to encounter such a person in her line of work, because if you had that amount of confidence, you wouldn't be working for her in the first place.

She is not going to change for the better - there is nothing in it for her. The issue is whether you can tolerate those conditions or not. Personally, I could not, and would rather be on the dole for the rest of my life. But it is not me who has to work for her - it is you. Can you tolerate it? That is the question.

I think having this constant stress of a bad boss in your life is paying off on some level, otherwise you simply wouldn't be there. It certainly keeps your mind distracted from other problems, and prevents you from having to address them. Sorry if that is a little too provocative. I know this because I have done this all my life. Becoming absorbed in other people's problems, and worrying about them, stops me dealing with my own stuff.

For me, the gambling was just another distraction. A drama I could get swept up in, to transport me from reality once more.

Anyway, the choice is yours to make. Yeah, there is little work around at the moment etc. but there are ways to get out of bad situations if you want to. Leaving a permanent job for a temporary one, then when that job finishes, you are unemployed without having to be fired. I'm sure you can think of other ways if that is what you want.

There is a small sense of power you can gain though, by acknowledging to yourself that you are choosing not to remove yourself from this environment - does that make sense? you are not powerless, something is motivating you to stay. A choice that you are making. You are not trapped, you are choosing to remain. So you are still in control, to some extent.

Sorry if this is too much. I often get the feeling that I tell you what you don't want to hear, and it is totally your right to not hear it if you don't want to. I think that is why I find myself drifting away from your story...because I have nothing new to say, and am just nagging you with the same old stuff.

It all just becomes hot air then, doesn't it? Piffle. Murmuring that you tune off from : )

Take care,

f x

Cheerful ish is good enough have a good weekend and thanks for your post in my diary. Always nice to read a supporting post. Haven't checked in on your diary (and a few others to, to be fair) for a little while, how's the running? I'm still claiming I wanna get fit but still doing nothing about it.

Hi SA, thank u 4 ur post on my diary 🙂

It is good 2 read that u r feeling better 🙂

Even when u r feeling stressed, u r staying away from gambling. That takes alot of strength and determination, u r doing brilliant 🙂

I hope u r having a gr8 wknd 🙂

Hello SA

Enjoyed your thoughtful post on smiler's diary about direction in life / the man at the GA meeting who could quote chapter and verse.

hey SA ..glad to see your in finer fettle.'.

I did relate to your last post...i hate it when my boss rings on a friday night and doesn't leave a message or says "I really need to speak to you" but doesn't tell me what its about and then I can't contact her til Monday.... so I fret all weekend and try and decipher the "tone"...or if Im sacked.

lol...its funny but its not...and had many a weekend ruined by worry..so now I say...whatever it is can you give me just an idea so i don't worry all weekend.

All that matters is you stay bet free hun and you are doing that ...onwards and upwards

R and D xxxx

Hello friend.

just popping in for a wee nose and see you are still distancing yourself from that last gamble.

Good to read.

Best wishes dude.

Winning post.

Hey thank you all. Ive not been on for a few days. I had Monday/tuesday as annual leave and went to down south to visit family. It was nice and no gambling problems. Just the one gambling event this year. I still think about doing the lottery from time to time but when it comes to it I don't.

Freda.. your not being provocative in any way. I just wanted to say that. I usually agree with most of what you say and your last post is no exception. With work whilst it is to stressful for me really.. I do cope with it and there are enough positives for me to stick with it.. but that is always under review. This is where i come to moan about work.. like a cathartic offload... but its not all bad.

You also make the comment about saying the same old stuff and I think much the same about the stuff I write. I then think.. well is there any value in continuing to keep a dairy.. and I come to the conclusion.. well actually yes. Cos things are never exactly the same are they.. thats nigh on impossible. Change is always happening both positive and negative. The patterns and themes maybe similar but never exactly the same.

For me I think that until I find more support in the real world it doesn't make any sense to stop writing. I'd miss it if i drifted away too much. Little breaks every now and again but I still need and want to be around. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hiya SA.

just a quick pop in...

Your right about continuing your diary and long may that continue.....one of the reasons I became a regular postee was that I also come home to an empty house so anything that happens in the day that you would normally speak to a other half about you tend to write on here instead as an offload...

Me and pal were chatting about contemplative stages before decisions are made (if any)...with work I tend to do mental trade offs every day but if the see saw dips too far down in the negatives for too long then I know I have to make a decision...

Hoping you have a good eve SA..iim going back to watching the Simpsons now...lol

R and D xx

ps ..I also love Fredas posts...she says things in a very straigtforward way but also with warmth and genuine care.

Hi SA,

Glad you enjoyed a couple of days away. Makes a world of difference sometimes!

I am glad you didn't take my post the wrong way. I am riddled with self doubt at the best of times, but as I say - I think there is a very positive twist to realising that you are choosing to remain in a situation. Doesn't feel so panicky then.

You do seem to cope brill with your workplace, and if it was really that toxic for you I think you would have struggled to attend by now. You make a good point that on balance it is worth staying. That is what it's all about I guess, weighing up pro's and con's.

I admire your resilience, I am rather envious to be honest! I wish I could bounce back and remain on a level in difficult circumstances. I tend to crumble instead.

I pressed enter too soon there!

Anyway, just a quite drive by, can't post much at the minute for some reason. My head is lost in a shed somewhere.

take care,

f x

Hi,

Thanks for your support and your post in my diary, it really means a lot.

Let's just make sure that we both reach to the end of 2012 with just one gambling episode all year. I don't know about you but this would be a absolutely major achievement for me.

NT

Thanks all. Ive not been on for a few days. My internet connection comes and goes like the wind. But all is ok with me in the great scheme of things. Nothing significant or noteworthy has happened and no gambling or thoughts of gambling since my last entry. Work continues and the boss continues to be civil and even cheerful from time to time.. so thats no bad thing.

Am running lots in preparation for the marathon in a couple of weeks. Am still annoyingly flabble around the middle but thats because of all the cr** that I eat... so only myself to blame. lol

Thats it with me. I hope to check in with others during the day if my internet connection holds out. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

P.s As with N.t... just the one gamble this year.. a good acheivement thus far.

Hi SA....

Will repost to you better when I get my ipad back as currnetly fiddling round with this blackberry fone..I've also got tinterbob probs with 3G.

Thank you for understanding "home" ..and also thoughts on cash that I will have to think about too as its made me think about things in a dfferent way with people close to me.

Thank you for also listening

R and D xx