Hope

You had a day like that, and didn't gamble? Achievement in itself 😉

Sorry things felt cack today. Hope your clients keep their winkles to themselves tomorrow!

Take care,

f x

Hiya SA

Sorry to hear your fed up....

A few of us around at the moment tired and not sleeping well ..or sleeping too much at odd times..adrenal exhaustion in my case.

Was saying on Charls diary to not underestimate what tiredness can do as it can make us mentally weak...

I know I always make pants decisions when Im tired.

Hopefully your caffeine will kick in ..and tomorrows another day ...takes a really amazing soul to work with people with special needs SA..don't forget that.

Its often a labour of love.

Need some more care for the carers I reckon ...

Virtually kicking your Boss "square in the nootz/vg"..

as Cartman would say.

Take it easy hun

Rach and Doo xx

ps

Dotty sending virtual jumps on the legs'... wags and wuffs ....xxx

Thanks peeps.

Am feeling tired and angry and tearful.. but in that on the edge of tears holding them back, blokey kind of way.

I have this head pain like am having a stroke but somehow i don't think I am.

Ive been running the events of the day through my head (bad move).. I want to tell my boss to go f*** herself... seriously.

I want to ring in sick but i probably won't.. everyone seems to have this bloody minded attitude of showing up at all costs, including me.. even though none of us get any acknowledgement of the hard work that we do. We might as well just have "suckers" written on our foreheads.

As you can see ive worked myself up into a state... and thst just the way it is...

f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f***

Dear SA

Thought I wud drop into your diary. You are always helping me out!

Firstly, I too has sressy day at work. I work in retail and have been there about 8 years in a low paid job and people know me locally. So some people keep asking 'are you still here?' etc; you should be manager by now etc as they know I am a brainy university type.

If only they realised my problems, financial and gambling recovery and self esteem issues. I think the older you get in a way one side of you says ' who gives a ****' and the other side of you says that you should be doing better for yourself they are right.

At least where you are you are not in the fire of the general public some of who who think it is there right to treat you like S***e, to be frank.

At least in your job your clients have some excuse for bad behaviour. I think you were amazing to cope that day with all the pawing and the stripping!

In my line of work we also get people with mental and physical problems and smell awful/bad hygiene sometimes but are just expected to deal with it.. and no reward for pushing cr**.

Also I had someone shout in my face when I accidentally nearly through something away. I hate dealing with customers... maybe you can lend me a straightjacket for some of my customers.. they need to be restrained in some cases!

I so want another job..

Anyway anything is better than gambling. I looked at my bank balance and got a shock. Well done for staying off.

Awayout

Thanks for your support mate.. appreciated. Am feeling a bit more on a level this morning... S.A

morning SA

I caught your post last night but to be honest its so frustrating as i wanted to just sack off he computer and come and knock on your door to see if you were ok.

You seem better today ...

Just let it all out and forget those guilt voices telling you to keep it all in...its all relative hun and heres the right place for that as we know how that feels....and in the safety of your own home.

you know the word...

unconditional.....walking by your side.

hugs

R and D xxxxx

Hi SA,

I have never commented on ur diary b4, but I have read ur posts and it seems like u do a tough job really well. I just wanted 2 say I hope u r feeling a bit better now 🙂

Stay strong 🙂

Thanks R and D and Charlotte.

Strange day. Boss being nice to me and sacked somebody else. Am glad I was out with a client when it all happened. Am just perplexed by it all.

I find myself tracking my bosses moods. When she's moody with me then i am out of sorts but when she's being nice to me I am not out of sorts. What I need to keep in touch with though is that I am a bloody good support worker and it shouldn't matter what the boss does or does not think of me on any particular day. It does my head in coping with other peoples moods especially when they are all over the place.

I'd imagine its what its like being in a dysfunctional or an abusive relationship where the power balance is all onesided and the abused loses touch with thenselves and what they really think and feel cos they spend so much time tracking and being weary of and responding to the abusers moods.

Nobody at my work likes being around the bosses volatility but other people cope with it better than I do. I think these folk have a stronger sense of self identity and inner self-confidence and can easilly shrug off other peoples moods and bahaviours and not let it get to them so much. But with me my sense of self continues to be quite fragile and sub-conciously and sometimes conciously I continue to seek approval and reassurance from others that I am ok as a person. Its like i need that reassurance that i am doing a good job and yet it doesn't come (other than being implied in that ive not been sacked) and sometimes saying to myself I am doing a good job.. just isn't enough

...there is a good bit of learning here for me this last 48 hours and the serenity prayer also rings true ... granting me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change (my bosses behaviours) change the things I can (my job if i want to) and the wisdom to know the difference.

Anyways thats me folks.. back on an even keel.. much quicker than expected. Thanks for listening... S.A

P.s No gambling problems and I is looking forward to the 200 meter final. me thinks he will break the world record that Bolt fella.

Hiya SA

what you talk here is what is at the base of co-dependency however I am not suggesting at all that this applies to you ..but it has been a way of life for me.

My identity in the past has been shaped by being reactive to other people.I am a brilliant adaptor and my sense of self is always dictated by other people.

If someone is "off" I blame myself or think its because of something I 'have not done' or "done"...forget psychics ...i can detect "off" just by walking in a room and "tone'

I have been brought up to think that others needs are always greater than my own..and never allowed to feel anything..this is why I never ever try and snap someone out of a funk or mood with a guilt trip...its like a red rag to a bull with me....why?..because in the past I would have hopped to it to please to avoid not being rejected and I hate that another person can have that power over me.

Sometimes I find myself being deliberately objective or even shocking or disagreeable and obnoxious just to even it up or test the boundaries.

Its very interesting when someone like your boss meets someone like your boss..I've seen this in my last job and its really interesting....there is initially still a jostling for power but one person usually submits ..the old abuser encountering someone worse than them and turning into....us!.

Guess who they come running to in their vulnerability ?...

a narcissist always needs an audience..and they feed off your reaction as they love the power and your reaction to their highs and lows...best strategy..cultivate indifference or royally take the pee....they won't notice either way but they will feel a loss of power but not able to put their finger on it....either way you will feel satisfied xx.

Another way ....is being totally honest.. but maybe save this for the final throws when your fixed up in another job...if shes being a b**** say "youre being a total b****"...cos they seem to respect that!!!

R and D xxxx

Hey thats exactly it. I guess its quite unusual for a fella to be in a co-dependant type relationship(on the receiving end)... albeit a work relationship...or is it???

Cultivating indifference is and has been the way forward for me.. its just hard thats all. Sometimes in the immediacy of the moment I wear my emotions on my sleeve... and she knows this of course. The other 2 strategys don't work for me.. as am just not able to take the ***.. it goes against my morality. The honest leading to occasional shouting matches works for others but again it won't work for me cos I get tongue tied when angry or stressed.

Yes.. fascinating as to what happens when a narcissist meets a narcissist.. might make a good movie eh?? 🙂

Anyway thanks for giving me a little more incite in to me. It helps... S.A 🙂

...good on ya SA....

We also have men in other groups I go to..and they come in not because of romantic co dependancy like me...but with issues at work with male and female Bosses...xxx

ps I cant take the pee either ..i worry too much about hurting their feelings and not clever enough ... xx..I do honesty but have to build up to it...then I go OTT in sheer frustration...lid flies off.

hugs

R and D xx

ps...narcissist meets narcissist...kinda homeopathic...they cancel each other out...lol...

loads on the internet about it ...and I've spent hours reading...and googling narcissist websites ..."how to spot them" and protection strategies...

R and D xx

Its actually quite reassuring to hear that you have come across men with similar issues albeit in the work place. Not alone and all that. Thanks again... S.A 🙂

P.s I woosh someone would cancel my boss out lol

hi SA

You're definately not alone my friend...and the majority of them have female bosses or co workers that they have the issue with..!

* I'd rather have a male boss any day...you know where you stand.

(**adding the disclaimer to above..just in my own experience of working for both ...lol)

Take care hun...your fave time of the week is here ...Thank crunchie its Friday...

R and D xxx