Hope

Keep on running....

Have a good one today SA....hydration!

R and D xx

Have a great day and hope you manage to get a good time.

I've started training for the London Marathon next year - bring it on!

NT

O dear... marathon completed but in the last 5 miles I just died a death. Beyond 20 miles it ceased to be a running event for me and turned into a death march to hell lol

I am disappointed with myself as my aim was to break 4 hours and I eventually limped across the line in 4 hours 30 mins and after such a promising start. I did the first half comfortably under 2 hours.

Possible reasons... too warm (20 degrees), gels didn't gel with me.. felt sick... but to be honest i just wasn't fit enough on the day.

A marathon is a trully humbling event for ordinary mortals like myself. It pushes you to your very limits. It pushes me to my very limits. One things for sure I will not be doing another marathon in the summer. I hate running when its warm.. even when its cloudy and warm.

Anyway more thoughts later. Time to chillax. No gambling problems... S.A 🙂

Yo,,

Sometimes I could just hug you , then give you a bit of a shake !

You competed a marathon , ok it took you half hour longer than you wanted , but you completed it . You pushed yourself to your limits and got it done .

For that you should be very proud , you had set yourself this goal for quite a while and you my dear friend did IT !!

Next time you can aim for 4 hours 28 mins , lol

So even if you have forgotten to pat yourself on the back , I am going to .

Would hug you again , but you are all sweaty yuk

Shiny xxxxxxx

Hey SA.

glad to see you are chillaxing..and deservedly so...

You should be giving your self a pat on the back and thinking a job well done.

Running in this heat is a huge achievement ..I only have to go upstairs and i feel knackered...

Take it easy...you did good....destress those muscles..lactic acid free..xx

R and D xx

Thanks my cyber pals 🙂

...and yes am feeling more positive about my marathon yesterday... a good acheivment. Interestingly the winning time was significantly slower than the winning time last year. So the warmth had clearly affected everyone.. not just me!

Day off today. Am re-grouping in my thoughts. Time to change my priorities a bit. Time to ease away from obsessive compulsive running. Time to get to grips with with the herd of pink elephants sitting quietly unnoticed in the room. Cos to get to grips with even one of these could lead me to a better place within myself. Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

Hiya SA

Hope you got some sleep with all those endorphins whizzing round and that muscles not too sore..

Thank you for your thoughtful post and yes life has changed literally overnight ...lol.

I absolutely agree about passive aggression being worse..in counselling many years ago I was told that sulking,withholding and being passive /aggressive was an act of equal aggression as violence.

My brother was like this all his life holding the household to ransom as was nicked named "the incredible sulk"... ...so we were brought up to sort out differences quickly as a result as it used to crucify my sis in law...its so so cruel.

Sadly its the people who react to this covert stuff that get scapegoated as their behaviour is out there for all to see so its easier to point the finger.

On the good side...it is now getting more recognised as a form of manipulation by the"system" and in the courts in marital disputes and prosecutions have been made.... its a subject that I have put my name to to many times to raise awareness.

In France "crimes of passion" are recognised in the law as they recognise being on the receiving end of covert aggression to wield power..

Tides turning.....lol

anyhooooo....just rambling there hun.....thanks again for posting and yes...I think its a case of recognising different defence behaviours....and seeing that its all coming from the same place underneath.

Have a good day SA...

R and D xx

Hi Rachel.. and yes its what I am learning at work. Don't react in the moment. Don't get angry. Don't have a good idea. In fact don't react at all... just do. Just get on with the work exactly as the boss wants and then go home and kick the cat in frustration (if you have one).. but not too hard cos then the cat will morph into a lion and eat you for its tea.. lol

On that cheery note am off to do some household chores. Happy days.. S.A 🙂

...lol....

No cat kicking but believe Argos do some cheap punch bags ...with gloves!...lol

can you see now why Im a cleanaholic?.....

take care hun..

you make me smile....; )

R and D xx

Have enjoyed reading those most recent posts, as I have also recently had problems with the passive aggressive. Rach is so on the money, when she says the other person ends up coming off worse, as they are not able to manipulate their anger so it comes out slyly in a way that can't directly be challenged. How many times have I been open that I am peed off with someone's sulks, to then be told I am "imagining things" or "being silly"? I find it the most frustrating, cowardly way to deal with anger.

Anyway, back to you SA! well done on the marathon! I think it is a really positive way of creating opportunities in your life for you to "achieve". We are not all working in a role, where our achievements and talents are recognised. We can create our own outlets to show how f*****g cool we are though! exactly what you have done : )

Don't know what the stats would be like as a percentage, for those in the population who have completed a marathon, but must be under 5% surely? You are gifted in this way (and many other ways obviously) but in this way, noone else can take it away from you. You can shine at this, and noone can spoil it for you.

I often use hobbies and fitness, to shine in a safe way, where noone can interfere and take away my confidence. I remember when I first swam a mile - not exactly an olympian feat, but pretty impressive for someone who used to always come last in PE, lol. My mother in law texted less than a week later, saying that she had also swam a mile because she couldn't let us young ones get the better of her, or something like that. She was only joking, but I could have smacked her for pi**ing on my chips like that! I just wanted to be the special one, just for a few bloody weeks! lol. She is lovely in general, just very competitive.

Anyway, I have slipped into rambling. The thing you mentioned in your post to me....are GA meetings not a similar place for you? A sanctuary where you are understood. I know you mentioned in the past that you attended them. I do love my santuary...and will bark if anyone piddles on my chips there!

Take care,

f x

Cheers SA. I'm quite unfit so I wouldn't say I'm loving running just yet - killing me lol but i definitely glad I'm making a start, actually I am enjoying it and gonna try and stick with it this time. Looking to run atleast 3 times a week and go from there. well done on the marathon, ok you didn't get the time you wanted but still a massive achievement, especially as you say weather not idea. Keep leading the way maybe I'll get to the marathon stage one day and maybe I'll fly to the moon lol

Hi Ade.. Yes I hope I find contentment some day. I do try to be grateful for what I do have.. which includes my physical health which ive always been lucky with really and long may that continue.

Ive been doing this correspondance course for work.. "Equality and diversity".. ya know not being prejudicial and being respectful and tolerant at work and in life etc etc.. Found myself getting angry and thinking of my boss. Some of the questions ask for examples and I found myself giving examples that could of been me talking about my boss.. but ive worded them to make it as if it was a made up example.

Thing is ive filled out the front sheet and it asks where you want your work returned to and ive out my home address.. but am now worried that it will go to work and my boss will read it... and then the backlash. Highly unlikely but just goes to show how paranoid and unhappy i feel about my work situatuon. Being valued and respecting diversity is a joke at my work place.Anyway atleast ive done the work.

I feel anxious and fearful at this moment in time. Will I ever be able to make any meaningful change to my life. On it goes. No gambling.. S.A

HI SA

Dont think i have ever posted on your diary before but i wanted to say that I know this happens in the work place still but i cant quite beleive it does, there are so many what i call "Empty suits" in business nowdays and they are allowed to get away with this kind of behaviour. I cant see that your boss would actually admit that these instances are relating to him, the company must care about these things if there training you in that area.

I still beat myself up that im not doing enough or changing things quick enough, we are human S.A, your gamble free you are beating an addiction daily, you have ran a marathon thats all i know from just the last few pages of your diary, Be kind to yourself and keep setting those small targets to aim for, and maybe put one on your boss's back lol.

Take care.

Blondie

Hey bless you for dropping in Blondie with your thoughts.. rest assured i shall be parchuting into your diary sometime soon.

Time for a bit of self-reflection I think. Ive just kind of got in touch with how tired i am today. I walked up town but it was hard work. Sat down half way cos my legs just didn't want to move. Bizarrely i feel more fatigued today than yesterday (the day after the marathon).

I notice when am over tired or stressed I tend to be very hard on myself but also quite judegmental of others. I lose touch with the fact that its just that my mind and body is out of kilter. I am recovering from a greuling physical and mental feet and so yes i need to go easy on myself. I might just have a little nap in a while.

Like you say Blondie, I am gambling free and beating my addiction on a daily basis. Like somebody once said to me.. a good day is when things go well and i don't gamble. A brilliant day is when everything goes to s**t but i still don't gamble. Today is somewhere in the middle.. so a very good day. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hey SA

HALT....Hungry Angry Lonely Tired......make sure you look after yourself hun...

In my experience of narcissists....they are to busy being concerned how THEY look and feeling so full of themselves and beyond reproach that your Boss probably won't even pick up anything about her from your course work...

Worst case scenario...if she does....dialogue is opened and you have an armoury or people on here supporting you.

Totally confident you can handle it SA.... Thinking the Witches of Eastwick on here...including me.. may already be throwing in eye of newt,hair of dog and wing of bat....just as back up.......

R and D xx