Hope

Thanks both. Day 155 continues....

Have kinda pulled myself back from oblivion. Neighbour having a party.. a 21st birthday. A knock on the door..come on down.. ok then I says. One can, two cans, three cans and four, 5 cans 6 cans and wanted plenty more.. it rhymes you see. Ive come back to my flat, bit P***** but not totally sloshed. First time this year dwinking. Not bad not bad. Good night... S.A :-))

Day 156

At what point do you ask your partying neighbours to turn the music down without sounding like a party pooper??

Ok, so its a one off, but its now 1.30 and people in the stairwell talking loudly!! Errrr!!!

Sa.

And on a school night!!!!!!!lol.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Rock and Roll....tee hee x

Day 156 concludes...

Peace and quiet returns to my block of flats, thank goodness. Am most happy that I had a few beers and no more yesterday. Consequently ive functioned fine at work, tired from lack of sleep but not hungover.

having an early night. Keep safe all... regards.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA,

Thank you as always for the post. I see your still moving along nicely and having some fun along the way... A 21st party in a flat..... hmmm now that brings back some memories for me lol.

Glad you survived work, I am just to old to do it on a school night now but then i dont know when to stop lol.

Take care

blondie

Day 157

Hey thanks Blondie.. to be honest it wasn't great fun to be kept awake all night, but yes I use to stay up all night, many years ago.. am mostly too old and dull to do it now lol

Anyway another day passing gambling free. Work was fine if a bit intense. Felt completely frazzled when I got home. Am fine now. No thoughts of gambling, just trucking along nicely. Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

Day 158... no gambling for me but my mate has gambled all his money away again... not that he admited it outright. He turned up unexpected and clearly he's got no food as my bananas and apples went into his bag. I cooked tea and tomorrow he comes round again and I will cook tea again. He's a proud man and nothing has been said but as a compulsive gambler I can tell when another compulsive gambler is in trouble.

Like iv'e said before am always happy to help out because I have been on the receiving end and dependant on other peoples kindness many times but I will make sure that I don't leave any money lying around. It would be too much of a temptation for him for sure. I will protect myself.

It is of course from a selfish point of view very good medicine for me. Gambling only brings misery and despair in the long run and often in the short run to.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Day 159.

Friend is fed. Food given for tomorrow. He comes back Sunday for a roast at which point I shall give him a bag of food shopping for a week or so. He will then get his next benefit money which will be his first opportunity to get back on an even keel. He's also been incredibly lucky in that with my help he's tracked down a pension he's owed and within the next month or so he will get a lump sum transferred into his bank account. At this point he will have a choice, to gamble it or not to gamble it??? I know what I'd choose.

Am not being intentionally smug or anything, but I am very glad am not in his shoes. In truth I quite enjoy the fact that another human being is dependant upon me rather than me being dependant upon someone else.

I think that on a deeper sub-conscious level the situation with my friend gets me feeling like I am needed and like I have a purpose. I guess it relates to my deep seated feelings of abandonment "nobody cares about me type thinking" relating back to my childhood ie the fact that someone else is reliant upon me gets me feeling like I am a worthy human being and not quite so invisible. I think its why I always go the extra mile in working with vulnerable adults with disabilities. I am compensating I am filling voids, meeting unmet needs etc etc.

Interesting to think a little deeper about why we do what we do and behave the way we behave as people, don't you think?? We are all different.

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

P.s I am ok. I am worthy.

So agree with what you have said as same applies to me and often feel I am almost selfish in the satisfaction I get from my work but guess that doesn't matter if it gets the job done and others benefit too.

Missed my children unbelievably when they left home and they kept coming back after uni etc and leaving again so had double/treble whammies of it.

I guess it's always a balance when helping friends as to whether you are being used but then even that maybe doesn't matter if you gain from the giving. My Nan, who had very little always said she gained far more from giving than recieving and she lived to be 102.

As for being invisible, you are def not that, I love reading about your running and being chased by the geese, shame you are not nearer and could drop in for a cupper with your autistic young man you told us about.

Just keep on being you, sounds like you are doing the best job ever at the moment and your friend is a very lucky person.

xxx

Day 161

Thanks Rainbow 🙂

I been feeling fed up this weekend not sure why. Even a trip to the gym didn't lift my spirits. It was a struggle to run and ive put on weight. I went into the city to buy a few bits and it was so crowded that I just couldn't be arsed. I started feeling like I wanted to gamble if truth be known so I came home.

One piece of good news is that one of the gambling hell holes I use to frequent has now closed down.. excellent!

Anyway that's me still on the straight and narrow. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

I'd like to think the hell hole closed down as a direct consequence of not receiving any of your hard earned cash. Have a good Sunday 🙂

Day 162

Thanks Betterfuture 🙂

Well another day passing gambling free. Its been quite a stressful working day but iv'e coped. Ive certainly coped better than if I was gambling my nuts off to boot.

Its helped that I haven't been doing long runs the last few days. Am not so knackered and dehydrated. Ive got a spring in my step. Makes me think how physically draining marathon training is. Am looking forward to easing off the running after the marathon atleast for a while. Am tired of being tired all the time.

No gambling thoughts, but I am due for a f*** up... but its not going to happen this time. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hi S.A

Thanks for the support on my diary. I've had a wee read of yours and just reading about the training's knackered me!!

I understand about the ability to "cope"- its so much easier without the gambling cloud.

It sounds like you're doing great in your recovery- well done!

Irene

x

Day 163

Thanks Irene 🙂

As always a certain satisfaction that as pay day having arrived again I am able to pay all that I owe and be ahead of myself on the important things like rent and then still have more than 3p to last me until my next payday.

I am very responsible with money when I am NOT gambling. If I gamble it all goes to s**t so the only solution is to continue to NOT gamble, one day at a time.

Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂