Hope

hi sa

Day 173 with not a penny gambled

Hey thanks both and yes Carl iv'e also got a half-marathon in the pipeline.

Am feeling better in myself today, ive almost returned to normal, whatever normal is. Am kinda realising how stressed out ive been feeling recently and yet I don't fully understand why. Ive been beating myself up psychologically which is always a bad sign with my gambling addiction... but the worst feels over now. Its good that I recognised it and didn't act on it with gambling... progress! Onwards and thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

P.s I did the marathon in Dorset Carl..through the villages and countryside.. picturesque and all that.

nice one sa

anyway keep up great work on all fronts

Day 174 ... thanks all.

It crosses my mind that my life could be a lot worse, but it isn't. Its ok.

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Thanks for posting SA ...

Still wanting answers and accountability I guess ....my mum got off lightly by dying...and my ex? All I remember is his arrogant face and me wanting to hit him all the time.

Im still frozen in time ..was even thinking of writing a letter like you did at the start of your diary

.

I do feel resentment some days when I see folks all right jack now ...I guess for you its not the same as no one else was affected by your gambling days and you didnt loose a wife and kids..James P I think said the same that he was on his own during the height of it all...

I can imagine some of the phone calls you may have had...folks wanting answers ...its relentless...like an unquenchable thirst.

Anyway....I have got the right antidote now to keep people away as people are my fobt equivalent ..if I get urges to help or rescue my blocks are now in place too as I have to keep putting me first and not others at the expense of myself.

R and D xx

S.A.

Thank you for your post on my diary, which was very, very much appreciated. Great to see you have good quality time between now and your last bet and I look forward to being able to say that.

Congrats on finishing the marathon albeit didn't go as well as planned. It is an almight tough distance and so many things can go wrong. I think if I turned up for a marathon in hot conditions I would be as well as not starting. Last years Edinburgh marathon was run in approx 19 degress. That would destroy me. I am training for a marathon later in the year but I have a constant back problem that doesn't seem to want to go away. I have tried rest for four weeks and nothing. I need it to vanish because I have to up my long runs. Having said that, what was your longest long run in training?

Tomso.

Thanks SA

I had just done a lengthy response to you and promptly deleted it accidently- arrghh!

Congratulations on your gamble free time (I hadn't realised before that we last gambled around the same time).

Also, well done with the marathon. I have mega respect for any one attempting to run/walk that distance 🙂

Take care

Irene

x

Day 175

Thanks both 🙂

My longest training run Tomso was 3.5 hours on my feet... about 20/21 miles. I did quite a lot of 2 to 2.5 hour runs. Am going to change things a bit this time, because those endless slow long runs haven't really worked for me. Am still gonna do some long runs but also some speed work down the gym, interval training that sort of thing.. build up my aerobic capacity. Am also gonna try and lose some weight.

No gambling issues. Today has been fine. Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

Hi Sa,

Great to see those days stacking up! I never doubted that they would, sooner or later. We are capable, it's just all to do with the decisions we make. Lord only knows why we make some decisions, like "I am going to gamble" but when we keep making good choices, things get kind of great.

Take care,

f x

Day 176 with not a penny gambled.

Thanks Freda and yes I think we go back to early 2010 when a 20 month stretch came to an end and overall I have come along long way since the days when I gambled everyday in one form or another, mostly machines.

Anyway that was then and this is now. I just been for a nice run in the cool breeze.... very invigorating. Am feeling good. Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

Keep it up, S.A! Well done on the marathon, just finishing is an achievement in itself! I might do a marathon one day but for the moment I'm sticking to halves. Hopefully at day 262 (considering each day as 0.1 miles) you can say you've completed another marathon of endurance by staying gamble-free!

All the best,

Sirg.

Yo,

Have not posted to you for a while but still reading .

It seems to me , that you are much happier in yourself of late . Work does not appear to be as stressful as it was and you are obviously enjoying your running .

Maybe the weather improving ( although it very cold here today ) has helped .

Anyways it's such a joy to read your thread and get the sense that things are ok in your world .

BFN

Shiny xxxxx

Day 177

Thanks both, support much appreciated as always.

Another day passing gambling free. I think one of the things that improves with me as gambling free time passes is my ability to cope with work and with life.

Today was a fairly difficult day at work. Coping with clients and other staffs behaviours is the hardest part of my job, but cope I did and once the working day was over, I shrugged it all off and am feeling just fine.

I find that when gambling, especially when I had my huge debts constantly gnawing away at the back of my mind, I was more stressed, quite depressed, quite withdrawn and unfocussed and generally "not with it"..my eyes glazed over, not making eye contact with anyone, fidgety, unable to sit still or concentrate or listen to what others were saying.

I don't mean to sound like a talking leaflet about reasons to stop gambling, but in stopping gambling I do become a better employee and I become a calmer less anxious human being.

Onwards to a new day but with the same resolve to keep gambling away. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

I'm loving the picture you painted of you attempting to write with someone climbing on your knee, brings back so many memories of when I worked in residential, especially cooking, the bizarre meals we produced sometimes. Should get brownie points for your nvq though multi tasking like that.

Random parrot thoughts part two - I used to have an African grey when we had a pet shop many years ago then more recently a blue and gold macaw but had to rehome him when I had to work longer hours a couple of years ago. He was very tame and used to mimic so I miss him still. Miss my woofit too, he used to drink loo water too, think we should bottle it and market it as woofit water.

Glad you have made friends with the geese but surprised as the swans here are quite grumpy as they are nesting and get very territorial.

Busy at work like you but for me a relief after so long off work and does focus away from spending which is good as you say.

Hope the running is going well but shame about gutty weather.

xxx

Day 178

Hey thanks Rainbow 🙂

Not much to say today. Work then gym/sauna, then Tesco, then dinner, then here. O and no gambling!

Another ordinary day. On to the next. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂