Hope

Day 238 continues...

I was sitting in a trendy (and expensive!) bar yesterday people watching as you do when your on your own. People are getting bigger aren't they. The number of blokes coming to the bar with big bellies. For the most part they disguised it well in their expensive looking well fitted shirts and other assorted summer attire but by gum some of them were big. There were of course a few body beautifuls but certainly more big big people. Thats the way our society is going isn't it, taking the American lead.

I am frustratingly in between, neither fat nor skinny, just average Joe, the sort of person that blends in to any crowd unnoticed. Secretly I would like to be a body beautiful but not in a showy on display type way am far too self-conscious for that. I never walk around with my top off, belly too big in my mind anyway. Sometimes I find myself holding my stomach in but some people really don't care do they, just let it all hang out.

I had a couple of strong lagers and then cycled like a loon up the canals. I got quite an adrenaline rush up and over the lock bridges and cycling at speed over the uneven surfaces. At one point I came down this slope and just wanted to career off into the water. I was buzzing. I did stay off the roads mind. I didn't want to get done for drunk in charge of a bicycle. Not that I was drunk mind its just that I have a low tolerance for beer. Two strong beers is all it takes to get me in the "zone" so to speak.

My addictive nature is still very much alive and kicking. It crossed my mind to stay in Brum abandon bike and get plastered. Once I reach a certain point I start to lose control, no longer able to apply boundaries to self and my behaviour in pretty much the same way that happens with my gambling.

The same happens with food and it annoys me that food producers have this habit of saying how much fat, sugar and salt is in "so many grams of" or "one portion of" rather than how much is in the whole product. I don't want to know how much saturated fat is in one third of my quiche. I want to know how much saturated fat is in the whole thing, because am sure as hell not going to eat just a third of it.

Anyway that's . Something is up with this type box . Might be back later with more thoughts. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Day 239 gambling free.

Yesterday was a struggle. Mood dipped as low as low can go and I was miserable as sin by days end and yet today ive perked up nicely. Work was almost enjoyable and I feel on a level.

Folk at work talking about facebook and I pipes up and says that I don't post much as I don't want "everybody" knowing my stuff at which point somebody pipes up and says "but you have no life, so there ain't nothing to write anyway". and then everyone laughs including me. The thing is though there is a certain amount of truth to that. I don't really have anything to say. No kids to coo about, no foreign holiday snaps, no fancy car ive just bought, no gorrgeous girlfriend... bka bla I have my inner thoughts to talk about, but facebook ain't the place for them. I prefer the relative anonymity of this place.

Anyway b*****ks to it all. Am not gambling and am doing ok. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

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Hey SA

In my humble experience the people who gush on about their holidays,kids ,cars and girlfriends are as boring as a**e, plus it requires my jaws to be fixed in a fake smile until whatever they are saying is "over"....

I'd rather they actually talked about something intrinsic, human and actually interesting which rightly so is not for the likes of Facebook which these days it seems is more about advertising.

Inner thoughts are the best ones ,after all even with kids and all that the relationship that will be there with you 24/7 is the one with yourself..

R and D xxx

Ps...just in case anyone is offended ..my friends with kids are the biggest critics as they are only bothered about their own and are equally bored listening to other folks storied ...lol

Cheeky b*ggers! Have you told them about the Weetabix?

Day 240 gambling free.

Well said Rach, I couldn't agree more.

Lazarus.. I seem to have gone off Weetabix. Good old fashioned cornflakes is my cereal of the moment.

Blimey its hot today. It feels like the hottest day of the year in my neck of the woods. It wouldn't stop me gambling mind. I gambled whatever the weather.

Anyway today is another day passing gambling free, so that's good. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Day 241.... that would be 8 months without a bet of any kind (assuming of course I make it through to the end of the day, which I will !)

Life is ok, middle of the road, steady as it goes... no dramas, no major crisis... just an ordinary life and I am living it day by day. With continued abstinence I will surely have options and possibilities in the future which I could take advantage of if I choose to do so. To return to gambling now would take away any options and possibilities and would simply be an exercise in self-wounding. I choose not to self-wound.

Thanks for listening folks.... S.A 🙂

Hi S.A,

What a joy to read your post! You are doing extremely well and it just shows that only us can make future. Every day is the choice and i shall take the same one as you- lead healthier and happier life without destroying decition to gamble!

Take care ank keep going strong:-)

Sandra x

Day 242... thanks Sandra 🙂

I am not drunk, cos that would be very bad on a work night.

I have not gambled in the last 242 days... thanks for listening.... S.a 🙂

Hi SA

Just a quick "well done" on the 8 month achievement. You're doing great SA- keep up the fab effort 🙂

take care

Irene

x

Day 243 gamble free... thanks Irene and well done to you to. 🙂

Me got to go work with moderate hangover. Co-proxamol for breakfast and looking like warm death. no gambling issues. laters.. S.A

Good luck listening to work stories while you get over your hangover ..lol ..."warm death " eh? ...ewwww I feel for ya ..

Gonna bore some peeps with stories of my dog now ..hehehe

R and D xx

Keep Calm and Carry On Coproxamol ....

Day 244 gamble free

Thanks rach. I Feel better today. Yesterday was hard. I had the most challenging client all day, in the heat with my hangover... but I survived intact. All my own doing of course. I'd gone for bike ride and beer with mate after work and one beer turned into six and more. All good fun though.

Computer is on the blink so I maybe somewhat scarce for a few days but my thoughts are with my fellow travellers through life and willing everyone on to better times, gambling free of course!

Cheers for now folks and thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Will still keep telepathically linked SA..

Your puter must have heat exhaustion ...xxx

I got told off the other day for drinking on a school night, unexceptable lol. Weekend now have a great one and hope you get the computer sorted mines playing up aswell funny enough but it's old and I need a new but can wait for a little while.