Hope

Day 304 with not a penny gambled on any form of gambling.

I totally get you Captain and there are plenty of people on this forum, not just you, whose aim it is to stop the form of gambling that got them into trouble but continue with other forms of gambling. The other forms of gambling tending to be lottery products, bingo down the club, a bet on sporting events etc etc.

For me I subscribe to total abstinence and yes I make a point of saying it in my posts so that the casual reading knows the path that I have chosen. Each to their own.

Sometimes I do think about buying a lottery ticket??... but then I think to myself, well why do I want to buy a lottery ticket?? The answer being when am either feeling poor or when am feeling stressed out. My gambling head says... "you might be a millionaire!!".. "it could be you". What a load of b*****ks. There is a small chance I might get 4 numbers and win maybe £100. Is that gonna solve my life problems??... nope. If that did happen am more than likely to see that small win as play money and want to double it up... and so the cycle would start. Am not going to win a life changing amount of money. To play the lottery is like living on a dream that aint gonna happen.

I get tempted to play the lottery when I feel stuck and frustrated in life. when i feel this way I want a quick fix. Its not just a £1, that pound is me escaping from doing anything constructive to take my life forward.. such as finding ways to earn more money. That pound spent is me relapsing. That pound spent is me losing a little self-confidence a little self-esteem. That pound spent makes it easier to gamble another pound and so the cycle has begun again.

But like I say Captain I totally get where you are coming from. Its just not the route that I plan to take.

Today has been fine. Thanks for listening folks... S.A

P.s Its so easy to think of everything in terms of money. That was certainly how I was brought up. The thinking being, that the more money you have the happier you are. I question that nowadays. I don't think that's true. But anyway that's a long story to tell...

Great reply SA top guy and I love communicating with you. Good to have such amicable, well-worded and sincere posts between us respecting where we agree on things and where we differ.

Total respect and I agree with you re money - life doesn't become better or happier due to money. If I had no debt right now it would be a big weight off my shoulders but it wouldn't fill a void or make my life better without me making changes, which when I identify what they are, can probably be made irrespective of my debts.

Hey SA

Just reading away here ..

Wanted to share a bit of an anecdotal that I hope you will take in the spirit intended...

This secondary job I'm doing in the restaurant ..i work with a lady there in her late 40s who has been there for years..

Anyhoo..the chef who came over the other week to look at my room told me a bit more about the staff who work there..just run of the mill stuff,.married unmarried etc..

Turns out the lady I work with for £6.15 an hour as her full time job had a windfall last year.

Her dad sadly passed away last year and she is his only daughter and inherited. He had a massive win on the lottery..ie many millions ..yet this lady is still working 5 days a week!!

I asked why???...and the reply was..despite having a hubby who works and grown up son...she says gets bored at home!

She doesn't know I know that and I would never say anything but boy..is she a grafter and so humble ..top respect I say !

Xx

Day 304 comes to an end.

Likewise Captain, I have no issues with you. I may disagree with you about certain things, but your honest and upfront about how you view stuff... and you get me thinking.. thats a good thing.

Ive just come back from a really enjoyable run. Went out with a plan to do 5 but ended up doing 9 miles at average of 8 min 50 secs per mile, which included hilly bits. Not bad for me not bad.

Am feeling positive at this moment in time. On to another day... S.A 🙂

P.s Just red your post Rach... total respect for that lady. They say that work sets you free.. not sure who said that.

Hi sa,

Great post about why you abstain and I totally get you, for me it is also about stopping the cycle because that just one pound on the lottery leads to the fantasy thinking and illusions of what might be as opposed to the realistic thinking I have when not gambling which is money will not change how I feel, I have to do that and I won't ever find it printed on a lottery ticket or pressing a button on some electronic machine like a robot.

I will choose recovery and total abstinence every time.

Great time on the run,

Take care

Blondie

I think it was the Nazis that coined that phrase Hun..lol,

" Arbeit macht frei .."work sets you free..

Aside of that ...yep ..of my workpal..Great British class aka...understatement ..

Ps ..great to see you are in such a healthy space right now SA ....inspirational !! Xx

Day 305 gamble free.

Thanks both and oops yes Rach I withdraw that statement lol

A rubbish day at work but am not gonna let it get me down. I can't be doin with staying in my flat this eve ruminating on stuff so am going down the gym and then a sauna. No gambling, no gambling, no gambling. Thanks for listening... S.A

Hey SA,

Fantastic stuff! You can't let bad days to put you down. Great decision to go gym and sauna....I use to love 2 hours in a gym and then swimming pool, sauna and steam room....Come out like new born:)

Today i had a fantastic run instead, god i missed it for the past 2 days:)

No gambling my friend NO GAMBLING!!!!!

Take care

Sandra x

Day 305 comes to a close....

Ah thanks Sandra. I didn't go gym after all. Had a cycle to Tesco, bought something nice for tea. Back home ate it and am now a total stress head pacing around flat thinking about work stuff and life and having imaginary conversations with certain people and just generally feeling very unwell in the head. hey ho..on it goes.

Sorry I not posted to you or others, but am just a muddle in the head and it hard to write anything constructive to others when in this "head funk" that am in. Can't really think straight to be honest. No gambling and goodnight if I can settle my mind, body and soul.

S.A,

Firstly i don't expect you to write on my diary, as long as i see you logging your day on yours, it's enough...i know you OK gambling wise...and i always read...your diary is a big inspiration and you have covered miles in your journey....BE PROUD!!

Secondly, i am really sorry to hear that you are not in the best place, believe me or not...i know how you feel...I find my own mind unsettling recently, but hey....it will get better, there is always a way out...just keep believing in yourself.

Look how far you got yourself....changes happens slowly, patience plays a big part in this recovery and our well being...You know what you need to do next, you are obviously not happy at your place, just try to make that step forward...not tomorrow, not next week....but keep your goal at bay and never give up.

Believe in yourself..

Take care and my thoughts with you..

Have a good sleep and goodnight

Sandra x

Day 306 gambling free... and thanks Sandra 🙂

Today has been better. A rubbish day is so often followed by a better day. Am feeling back on something of a level. My emotional health is hard to manage but am doing it without gambling.

I been for a steady 5 mile run this eve. It has finished day light hours off nicely. All for now.. S.A 🙂

Day 307 begins....

I don't think my neighbour is very well. He was up at 5 a.m shouting and getting angry and slamming doors. He seems to think that the neighbours under him are playing loud music. They aren't, its all in his head. As soon as he's confronted about all the noise he is making he apologises and takes his dog for a walk.

I think its the fact that he's stressed about money, cos he's not paying his bills and also drinking and smoking way too much.. its all in his mind. he's 65 next week and in many ways I don't think he gives a d**n, just waiting to for his time to come as it were.

Am not angry with him. Not sure why, even though ive been up since 4.30 because of him. Ive always liked the fella. I think if he was 25 i'd be worried cos youngsters are more likely to get violent when on drink and drugs. Everyone in my block are troubled souls in one way or another, including me.

Having said that,.. at the moment I think am doing well. I resisted the temptation of a drinking session last night with work colleague, even though stress levels remain high, they always are really. In any case I can't afford it. I see the value of money and having spent money this month on things I actually wanted (like my garmin watch) why would I want to waste my money on beer?....only then to feel rubbish this morning. Am I maturing at long last??

Breakfast time...thanks for listening.... S.A 🙂

hey SA

It think its "the wisdom to know the difference "so yes maturity is here ,it's not so boring and you can remember it the next day...lol

Just googled "images " of Garmin watches as I had no idea what they were...Pretty funky or what? ..I like the orange and gun metal coloured ones...typical woman eh? ...going for the colour first.lol

Check out those rectangle ones that cover half his arm! better to spend your hard earned money on your watch SA as you have something that you can enjoy ..

R and D xxx

Hey S.A,

Of course you are doing very well. And you should b proud Mr! 🙂

I wish you to have a peaceful Sunday and hopefully the neighbour slept better last night and didn't wake u up as early:-)

Take care and keep going and going and going.....you are more than worth all good things coming into your life.

All the best

Sandra x

Day 308 or 44 weeks without a single penny gambled on any form of gambling.

Having said that I had some thoughts of gambling yesterday. I was feeling sorry for myself and wanted a pick me up.. and no surprise that the first thing I thought of was gambling. I didn't gamble and I stayed in and watched the Great Escape... and it was exactly that..escapism. Am still trying to will Steve McQueen over that second line of barbed wire.

I been for long run today... half marathon distance in 2 hours 1 minute. Not bad for a training run with hilly bits. I then stopped my "talk to the satellites" watch, fuelled up with sports drink and did another 2 miles but then I was beat. Humid today, sweating buckets.

Mate whose approaching another gambling rock bottom is coming around in a bit, probably with washing in tow. Ive got a nice bit of beef and all the trimmings. Am looking forward to it. I love eating.

So all in all today is looking much better than yesterday. Gambling stills lurks just under the surface though. Its still day at a time for me, its the only way.

Thanks for listening and thanks to Sandra and Rach for your continued support. I continue to read your thoughts and send positive vibes even when I don't reply. Reading and writing, it all helps.... S.A 🙂