Hope

gambling is always just under that surface friend.

44 weeks well done and glad to read the challenge i set you is still on target.

pleased for you,keep it going 😉

winning post.

Wow SA!

That must be pretty stressy hearing the bloke downstairs, slowly unravelling in the wee small hours. I think you did great not to let it "get to you". Shows that if you are really stressed and angry with people at work, its not cos you are really touchy and unreasonable is it? or you would have been straight down, banging on his door, calling him a w****r or worse. It is obviously because they are very difficult to get along with.

So feel good about that, in a weird, twisted way. You are patient, reasonable, and easy to get along with. Its not you, it's them.

I often think that although a lot of genuinely compassionate people work in social care, it also attracts a lot of as s holes too. They like to be around vulnerable people, as it's easier to domineer, and take the piddle out of them. To feel powerful at someone elses expense.

I do see a shift, and a change in how you deal with stuff. Your self awareness is better than ever, in terms of acknowledging when you are not in the right head space to get drunk etc. All that stuff, although it seems small, keeps you clean.

Sometimes, when all else fails, and someone is being a pure 100 carat d ic khead, it helps to imagine them in agony, straining for a poo. Any port in a storm eh?

You are doing great!

f x

Hey SA,

What a impressive timing on you run! well done and keep it up.

I hope work is good and you leave some space for yourself.

It is very kind of you, to support and help your friend in every way possible.

You doing fantastic yourself and i hope you will find the inner peace with yourself and live your life to the full and enjoy every single day of it..

(((((( SA ))))))

Take care and have a good day

Sandra x

310 days in a row with not a penny gambled.

Thanks all but it feels like a struggle this week.

Am tired

Am tired of waiting to be hit for a living.

Am tired of feeling stressed.

Am tired of feeling tired.

Am tired of this life I live.

Am just tired.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

On it goes. Just for today.... thanks for listening... S.A

Hello SA

The sun goes up.

The sun goes down.

Yet its not that simple with gambling blighting us and them 300 plus days keeps that Sun up.

Things are changing

o*g S.A,

I can't stop giggling from your post on my tread...bless that motor mouth:) lol

Listen, as V says, sun goes up and sun goes down. It could always be worse, i know you have difficult days, but you are still here...you keep fighting SA...you are doing it...I seems like going round circles, but with each day you are achieving something new..be proud, because i am proud of you:)

My sis....well, i thought i sounded a bit cruel on my post, but reading it back, i'm afraid it's very true...I try and try to help her and open her eyes, i think she is at rock bottom with money, and because her marriage is not working out that well, she found comfort in shopping....out of borrowed money...I just can't bail her out anymore....i am recovering myself, as nasty as it sounds...i can't do much more...

I will not look after her cards, ... as she says i am gambler, so why would you trust money with someone like me?

We all got one or other things to deal with in this life, live and learn......

Wow...i'm so sorry for hijacking ur diary SA, intention was to offer support...:)

Tomorrow is another day, and fingers crossed it's better than today:)

Take care and thanx for your support and understanding

Sandra x

Hey SA,

I hate that frame of mind, where you just feel really weary - could it be worth taking a duvet day soon, and just calling it a migraine?

This time of year, it can be cold and miserable, its getting darker, sometimes you just need to hibernate. Just for a day, laying on the sofa, under a snuggly duvet, hot water bottle, steaming mug of tea and a dvd boxset. Oh, and biscuits! I know you mentioned recently that you have no sickness on your record for ages, so why not?

Anyway, aside from encouraging you to wag work (I'm SUCH a bad influence), just dropped by to say "hey, hang in there! 1 year mark is just around the corner. You are doing A MAZING".

Things are changing for you. Maybe not as fast as you would prefer....but everyone is different. Maybe some (realistic) goal setting might make you feel a bit more motivated and focused? You could start really small, like "I will talk to one new person, in the next 7 days" "I will try one new thing, this month" it could be anything - a food you have never had before, a class you have always been interested in, like judo, tai chi, whatever. You could even try something social like speed dating! lol. Sometimes just resolving to change something no matter how small, can get you over that hump.

I am pleased to tell you I am practising what I preach, and now do pilates and karate - hai-ya! Might not stick em both, but point is, I'm trying new things, pushing those comfort zones slightly, and feel better and "fresher" for it.

What will your new thing be, I wonder? Go on! Get your thinking cap on! ; )

First off massive well done on the 310 days, that's a massive achievement and although you've been there and done it you should be proud that your fighting the addiction and beating it once more. On to the other stuff we have are down days were it all looks a bit terrible and even the simple things seem hard to do but get ya head down, power through and give it a bit of time and I'm sure you'll be in for an upswing soon enough.

Day 311... yes, wise words thanks folks and at the end of the day only I can make things change.. but what ever I do or don't do and whatever I may or may not procrastinate over..I am surely in a better place without gambling than with.

Mate come over this eve. I just beaten him at chess. he always beats me... Ha ha! 🙂

Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂 Time for sleeps.

Day 312....

Feeling fine today. Work was a bit intense with moments of stress, but it passed without major incident.

I been for a 10 mile run this eve. Am feeling pretty shattered, so its bath, chill out and sleep for me. No gambling problems. Thanks for listening.... S.A 🙂

Day 313 with not a penny gambled in that time.

Stress and anxiety really quite bad today, but life goes on.

Work colleague and his twin brother coming over for a long run in the morning. They are both 24 (unsurprisingly ;-)) and fit as fiddles. My only hope is that neither of them have run over 7 miles, so maybe their endurance aint so good...but somehow I doubt it. We shall see.

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hey SA

Had visions of those two moustached running guys from the 118 118 adverts..lol,

Hope you beat your own time and have stocked up on complex carbs xxx

Day 314...

lol your not far wrong Rach and as predicted they were both seriously fit... chatting for most of the way. I led at my pace and we averaged 8 mins 58 seconds for 10 miles, but at the end they sprinted the last bit and I had nothing left in the tank.. but hey I am nearly 18 years older than them!! I am most pleased with my personal performance.

Anyways my eyesight has got the zig zag lines. First time in quite a while. All exercise related of course and am not worried about it this time. Maybe more later. I aim to write to others too over the weekend. Regards to all... S.A 🙂

Hey SA,

Fantastic achievement in both parts g free life and running. Well done! And thank you, by reading ur post, my tank seems to fill up and off i go for a run no matter how cr** i feel:-) fresh air one of the best medicines too:-)

Relax and get sum rest

Sandra x

Day 315.... and thanks Sandra 🙂

Feeling kinda ok today. No long run today after yesterdays exertions. I feel like a swim and sitting in the sauna chatting to folk but that's not before making some headway on basic flat cleaning and tidying up. I hath already made a start.

Two friends come over later for food and chat... the same two friends I saw last night for food and snooker. I have fallen into my usual trap of focussing on other peoples issues rather than fully concentrating on myself, but at the same time I have not been isolating myself all weekend and I do feel better for being with and around others.

Compare and contrast my two friends (both went through gambling rehab, like me). One has not gambled for a number of years (as far as I know) and has a job a car and a well maintained flat... the other has never really stopped gambling for any length of time, is trapped on benefits (soon to be reduced), is in rent arrears and jokes about suicide. Then there is me, somewhere in between, not gambling, doing ok but finding it hard.

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂