Hope

Hi SA,

Sorry to hear your weekend wasn't great, but I'd say that a couple of runs would be quite constructive, and not falling into all the traps that the addiction lays out is also good progress. Hope that feeling doesn't turn out to be a chest infection.

It sounds like you've bounced back from the episode a few weeks ago, you know exactly what you need to do to continue on the right track. You mentioned that sometimes you struggle during the school holidays when there is less work available, does the same thing happen over the Christmas hols?

Stay strong

Ryan

Thanks all and yes Ryan on retrospect its no surprsie that I succumbed to gambling in the summer (lots of free time) and then succumbed again in half term (lots of free time). Sometimes to much time to think and ponder and worry and stress can be a big trigger for me. Over the years ive often had a big blow out pre-exmas and as its turned out this year has been no exception. Anyway whats done is done and no gambling since my last post.

Its not been a good day at work. I forgot to clean up a childs sick. The cleaner then moaned to the manager, who then moaned to another class teacher, who then came to me and told me to make contact with the manager but the phone wasn't working so i couldn't. Anyway the manager then went off shift without an opportunity for me to clear the air.

I got no problem with taking the wrap for the sick but what annoys me is the manager moaning to others unconnected and getting them to approach me. Its like come to me direct and speak your mind. I got no issue with that but don't moan about me behind my back.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hi SA,

Really hope today is better day for you and do understand your frustrations with the manager.
Same as you, i hate people moaning behind my back but that only shows how of a whimps they are if cannot come and say woteva bothers them directly.
You are better than them all put together. Chin up man!

Good going on your recovery. Make every day count, good ones will soon outweigh the c rappy ones.

Day at a time

Sandra x

Thanks Sandra... work issues resolved and friendship issues resolved. Don't leave things to fester is the best way me thinks.

It's been a good day. Am feeling fairly upbeat and positive and am enjoying cycling to work in the colder weather.

O and no gambling or thoughts of gambling.

Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hi S.A good to see you more upbeat, if like me when something or someone gives you the hump that's when i feel vulnerable. there's a chance I'll fall off the wagon, well done for riding the storm. i had to let pals down too,this year my mates decided our Christmas get together would be a night at crayford greyhounds on 13 dec to be fair they never knew i was quitting gambling, I could go for the meal and a few beers but decided against it , it will be a great night for them because none gamble as such and one steve has never had a bet at all lucky fella. onwards and upwards Ginger

S.A.

Just wanted to pop by and wish you well for tonight, tomorrow and the weekend.

Tomso.

Hi SA,

Dropping in to wish you nice and calm weekend. Time to relax and enjoy your days off 🙂

Keep up the good work, nice and steady..middle lane in this journey is the best one to stay in.

oh yea, don't get too cold cycling in this weather, look after yourself and take care

S x

Thank you all. Pleased to report that no gambling since my last entry... so its 4 weeks clean today. Ive gone from a blubbering shell of a human being to a human being thats back living a normal, ordinary life and feeling not to bad.

Ive now taken steps to block the option of online gambling on my computer, so i feel good about that.

I do admit to a few thoughts of gambling from time to time, but at the moment I am stronger than my addiction and i can push them away easilly.

I continue to be a work in progress, just one day at a time.

As for life stuff. Am just back from an 8 mile run. It was hard to get out and get running but now ive done it I feel great.

I am contemplating a bit of christmas shopping this afternoon and thankfully I have the money. Ive also booked and paid for my travel to see my family over exmas and also paid a chunk off my credit card. All this is thanks to working hard and not gambling.

Onwards and thanks for listening... S.A

Thanks NT and good to see you back working recovery.

As for me, well no gambling since my last post... so that is good news.

But to be honest I have switched into addict mode this last couple of days... much drunkenness and squandering my hard earnt money on other things. My flat is a mess and I just can't be bothered to tidy up. All I want to do is lie in bed which is what i did for much of yesterday. Clearly the drink has sent me into a rapid downward spiral (again!) but today (once more) I decide to flick the switch back to "clean" living once again.

I guess some of you might be reading this thinking.... well its exmas isn't it, time to "enjoy" and go easy on oneself... and yes i agree up to a point. But to be honest I don't particularly enjoy it... its just part of my addict cycle, which periodically happens (Christmas just being an excuse)... and something which I feel powerless to stop. In doing what i do I dance with the devil because drunkeneness is just a tiny step from binge gambling. Thankfully not this time.

I enjoy having a few drinks for about 2 hours and then i just get tired and depressed... and then the following day I become reclusive, don't answer the phone and disappear into the internet... not to gamble but to idly surf the web and eat any old rubbish and of course feel sorry for myself.

Anyway I haven't gambled... and that is something to hold on to.

Time to wash up and wash clothes and cleanse myself of the toxins I have put into my body with a good long run.

Thanks for listening... S.A

P.s I notice that alot of long timers have drifted away once more, me included. I guess as a group we are all quite fickle (not sure if that is the right word) and once a few key writers stop writing then so to do many others. Its just an observation thats all. As for me well i continue to read a bit even when i don't write.

Stay safe everyone as I try to do the same.

Hi SA,

Pleased to read no gambling since your last post.

Well done

Hope you enjoy your run,

Take care

Suzanne xx

Morning SA.

Hope this finds you well. Research has shown that all humans are prone to some kind of addiction, gambling or otherwise. I know how you feel, I'm compulsive in some aspects of what makes me me, but they're not detrimental to my health or bank balance... does this make sense? Anyway, continued best wishes, gazza

Hi SA,

Hope this finds you with a sparkling flat and a bit more energy after your heavy weekend. I can't say that I am too different, drinking isn't healthy and doesn't really help when I'm feeling down, but for me personally its less harmful than letting myself drift back to gambling.

Not gambling isn't just something to hold on to, its something that shows that you are back in the groove and getting through the gambling urges even when you have the lowered inhibitions that come with the booze.

Hope your week has started better than your weekend,

Ryan

Hiya SA 🙂

Well i thought i will drop by before big day arrives lol and shall wish you a wonderful and peaceful Xmas...ok ok..a little celebration and a drink is not gonna do any harm.
I find that having a drink while socialising does put me at ease and brings my personality out (not sure if it's good or bad thing lol) but if i have a drink on my own, it tends to calm me down but only for a short period of time..and hell breaks loose the next day lol..rioter sandra with a baseball bat comes out and gives me hell for being silly and doing this to myself a night before..but hey, sometimes i just keep swimming in a calmer waters as a result of that.

Anyway, I'm rambling here on your tread...just wanted to say, you're doing rather well 🙂 and keep on running man! Fresh air for that head can only work wonders!

Stay safe and as i said keep at peace this festive season

Sandra xxxxxx

Thanks... I will get back to ya soon enough. 🙂

Pleased to report no gambling since last post.

I feel good that ive managed to get through the full school term with no missed days and no sickness, even though I get covered in wee, pooh, spit and regurge on a regular basis and that I do atleast 80 miles cycling per week getting to and from work.

A good many beers consumed yesterday and I was pretty merry in charge of a bicycle. Me not fall in the canal. Phew!

Have had a few thoughts of gambling. Not helped by calls from gambling companies but ive managed to shrug them off.

Have a safe exmas everyone. Regards... S.A

Hi SA,

Good to read up on your latest and find you in good spirits! I am interested in what you say about the 'cycle of an addict' as I don't really know much about this and it intrigues me if you don't mind elaborating on that in a future post?Might help us all really, with understanding why we do what we do, and if there might be a pattern to it all.

Take care,

f x