Hope

Hi SA,

Thank you for dropping by 🙂
Agree with Blue here, very insightful post and truly makes a lot of good points. "Hijacking" of the brain is spot on! It still shocks me how we can turn to completely different people in a blink of the eye. Staying safe and away from temptations is very important, this mug game is not worth our energy, time and mind***.

Ohhh, so good to read ya accept my offer of swapping emails.. d**n, now i can train harder so i can kick your "old bones" on those marathons 😉 lol
Check your mails dear friend, if GC will b kind we might won't need to wait for snail mail coming round in 2 months lol..2 days should do the trick ☺

Take care, have a good day and yep..keep on running as i will do the same today

Sandra x

Thanks all 🙂 and no gambling since my last post

Am struggling with work this week. I is over tired, over stressed, over anxious. Roll on half term and roll on pay day.

onwards, upwards and forwards. Blocks to gambling doing there job. No real urges so thats good

thanks for listening.. S.A

S.A. good to see you are still fighting mate....all the best, Blues

Hi SA,

Keep on pushing dear friend, as you know work stress and the tiredness is something this addiction rubs its hands on, waiting for the moment to pounce.

Slow and steady, have plenty of rest when you can, eat well and keep balance going.

proud of you! Brick by brick dear soldier!

Talk soon

Sandra x

Bless you both.. thanks. No gambling since my last entry.

Well ive made it to half-term, no sickness and pay day next week. Am digging myself out of my hole.

Four weeks ago today I was enroute to gamble the last of my overdraft into the machines. Am now self-excluded from that place and a bunch of others to. Am still feeling sad of course after all these years of gambling and abstaining and gambling again and abstaining again and so on and so on. In fact ive dug myself so many gambling shaped holes over the years that you could fill them all with pilons and build a skyscraper.

"living on the edge" is a very apt title to my diary... its all ive ever known.

I am getting older now and getting worn out by it all. Peace of mind is all i want.

Thanks for listening.. S.A

Sa

Fella I am delighted to see you are using this well leafed old worn at the edges diary because I truly believe it will not only help the most important person, it's author but in turn it will help countless other folk too.

Fella I always look back to my third GA meeting, a wise old head was addressing a new 'old' arrival who was putting up a case for all the why's he should gamble, stating that without gambling he would simply have nothing.

The old head said

'The reason you have nothing is because you have willingly given it to addiction, addiction will never give it back and will happily take anything else that you have to offer, no matter how much it costs you addiction simply doesn't care '

I sat thinking f**k I have been such a fool,I have received nothing but given my all.

That day I saw myself in the fella sat in the room

I beat myself up for twenty years and more all to feed something that starved me.

Your cycle has been broken again my friend, feed yourself.

For us gambling is a waste,because we neglect ourselves.

Keep making the right choice.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks Dunc's... I have met similar wise old heads when I was a regular GA attendee. Addiction has indeed taken everything and given nothing and will continue to do so for anyone who will let it.

At present my addiction is scratching its head because it can't gamble online cos of blocking software and it can't just pop up the hill or down the hill and round the corner to gamble, cos am banned, and it can't be bothered to drag my sorry a**e to a different town to empty my bank account (or rather use up my overdraft once again).

Must admit it helped that I went for a long run yesterday as i was feeling vulnerable. After many days of just feeling shattered from work I suddenly wasn't shattered anymore and was feeling restless and listless even though there was many a thing I could have got on with.

My friend has gone to ground. I forgot to pay his rent contribution at 4.45 a.m on thursday morning and he promptly gambled the lot. Atleast i presume he did cos when i did remembered to do it the transaction was refused and now he doesn't answer his phone or answer my texts. No doubt in his addicts mind he's buisilly blaming me for not doing what ive done every 2 weeks for the last 18 months. But at the end of the day its his choice to gamble all his money away, just as its my choice to gamble all my money away. We take responsibility for our actions or not as the case maybe.

Anyway no gambling for me today.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hi SA,

Well done on passing the 4 week mark, have a lovely half term week off .

Stay strong and take care.

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne and pleased to report that no gambling since my last post.

I saw something today that I wish I hadn't seen. Sitting on a bus that went past my local casino, only to read a great big sign that said "£10,000 jackpot slots"... sick or what? Clearly yet another place for me to get self-excluded from.. a place ive never been in.. but the gambling devil inside would love to get me in. Why are these places allowed to exist??

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hey SA,

You get yourself excluded from that casino man, every little helps to keep us save from the evil!

Thanks for your post...i shall return that 🙂

Keep on keeping on and running! Will catch ya later, take care dear friend

S x

You are right Sandra, it is bugging me and when the moment is right I will do the deed. Am just a bit nervous about this one though, ive never been in a casino proper and i really don't want to be hanging around waiting for them to find forms whilst i notice the machines. I'd rather not even see these high stakes machines because it plants a photo in my mind. But like i say when the moment is right I will do the deed. Until then I will just give the place a wide birth.

Ive done a 20 mile run this morning in 3 hours 20 mins... thats 10 minute miles. That would be about a 4 hour 25 marathon. Certainly a time to build upon. Am feeling good!

My mate came round yesterday. He still waits to see what benefits he will get. In true compulsive gambler style he was trying to blame me for him gambling away his rent contribution cos he says I didn't pay the rent when i normally pay it. I soon put him right on that one. In reality I think he was half joking. He was getting on my nerves to be honest. At the moment his thinking is much more distorted than mine.

Ok so thats me. No gambling. Am off to enjoy the after glow of my 20 miler.

Take care my fellow recoverers... S.A 🙂

Hi SA,

Glad to read that you are still on the right track after your recent slip. However, by after-glow, do you mean painful creaking in each muscle? You can't take what your friend says to heart, you know as well as he does how this addiction works, and avoiding responsibility is a big part of what its all about.

Your potential pace over the marathon looks very good, over the years I've watched the end of several (I never really had the stamina to watch the whole thing.) and that kind of pace is not to be sniffed at.

Keep up the good work,

Ryan

Thanks Ryan... and good to see you back posting.

Well ive done the responsibile thing this morning. Salary came in to the bank account and promptly left again not to some blood sucking gambling company but to my rent and utility accounts. Am back to being a little ahead of myself and consequently feel a little more secure... just a little mind cos i have no savings... but I am in a better position than i was 34 days ago when i last succumbed to the gambling devil within.

Onwards... S.A

Morning SA,

Good to read a strong positive post.

Have a great gambling free day,

Suzanne xxx

Thanks for your unconditional support dear SA, I think you are a lovely kind man, and I understand how stressful your job is, and I take my hat off yo you, for doing this work.

My job was stressful in total different circumstances, but towards the end I used to get stressed and panicky every day I went into work, to be honest I was ready to either smack a customer or a member of staff in my team. My job was so unhealthy for me lol.

I hope you do have a lovely relaxing day, because you SA deserve to.

Suzanne xxx