Hope

(((((((((SA)))))))) -joanxxx

Stir the deeps, take care.

CW

Ya know when youve blown all ya money in a short space of time and ya go into panic and it feels like the end of the world BUT at some point you find the courage to look at your bank balance and start doing the sums and ya realise that it could be worse, it could be even worse BUT its not!! Well thats me today.

I calculate that once rent, bills (including my shiney new loan 🙁 ) have been accounted for I will be at nought, nothing, nil, nout. My overdraft will feed me and pay for anything unexpected.

I am relieved that its doable. I am most relieved that i will avoid rent arrears.

Its down to me now. It will only take 1 more f**k up to send me to the abyss.

No gambling and no counting days.

Just live.

P.s I am grateful for the support. I have not been able to return the support lately (other than my own thoughts in my own diary) cos ive been so f****d, but i do read and I will get back to folks when it happens. In the meantime I wish my fellow travellers a fair wind in your on-going journeys through life.

Thanks for listening

Hey you:))) don't worry about support back, you give it with own your diary journey :)) you have helped me more than you know,

Always listening, supporting and learning lovely man.

Suzanne xxx

Got no money but rent paid.

Calm. be calm.

G'mornin SA,

I'm so glad that you're still about too. And, in the end it is why we write. By ourselves for ourselves. But, ain't it nice when a like minded soul in the same boat comes along just to say hey or offers an unconditional hand up? I ain't got much in the way to offer dear SA but like the song goes " if you need a friend I'm sailing right behind. Like a bridge Ovee troubled water. I will ease your mind." Steady and easy today SA and I will do the same. -joanxxx

Ok then, dear S.A. Let's be off to see the wizard then. The wonderful wizard of oz. One minute at a time. Here's a hug and a blanket. Stay warm and stay positive . One layer at a time. Sometimes when we're in the muck we can't see the tremendous progress we have made. Very few people know themselves as well as you do SA. That's recovery. That's progress.

S.A wrote:

Got no money but rent paid.

Calm. be calm.

Well done S.A

Hats off to you!

Hi Ya S.A.

Me again... Just another thought or two. I do get the slot J****E thing. I've done a lot of reading over the years and have read that it's like the crack C*****e or Heroin of gambling because of the split second kinds of effect it has on our brain chemistry. If you've been "tasting" you know that we addicts cannot taste without developing a full on crave and then we'll you know the rest. Get some solid blocks in place now. You just need to stop for now. Just for now. Let your brain heal and then it will be time for next steps. I'm here SA..

Hey lovely man

Thanks for dropping by always appreciated.

take it easy and try not to dwell,

Keep calm and keep safe.

Listening as always.

Suzanne xxx

Thank you all.

Feeling very sad and regretful today... which seems a rediculous thing to say, given how many times I have felt sad and regretful over the years.

Am sad to see Dunc's leave the forum, but I completely understand why. Dunc's talks of his 20 years of feeding addiction and thats about how long my addiction has gone on for, the last 8 years of which has been recorded on here.

It would have been mid-90's aged about 24 when I first walked into an amusement arcade at Victoria station. My addiction has evolved over the years, but the results have always been the same. Financial drain and personal misery.

I want to get better, once and for all.

Thanks for listening

S.A

You have got better, each slip has made you stronger, you will get there my friend, keep persevering and progressing.

Wishing you a calm and relaxing evening.

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne, no gambling since last post.

I gotta keep persevering other wise hope is lost and the ultimate rock bottom from which there is no recovery looms.

I am a gambling addict surrounded by other gambling addicts. Went to my mates only to discover that he has 37p left of his £31000 pension lump sum. The £150 he lent me 2 weeks, when he still had thousands, he now needs back as soon as so that he can live. My other mate who had no money for food last week has since got paid again and won a bunch of money. he says he will buy himself some designer glasses.. he currently has no glasses but really needs them... cos he can't see properly. He drives vans for a living

As for me I see the severity of my financial situation and I hope i can get more work over the next few weeks. It scares me shitless that i have put my tenancy at risk all for the sake of spinning reels, virtual or otherwise.

How f****d up we all are. I feel the tension inside. Its very hard. I want recovery. I can't take this living on the edge s**t anymore.

Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hi SA,

I know it's been a while since i wrote just about anything here, but i've been carving my own self-destructive niche for a little while. Your description of coming to the realization of what we've done, and then trying to put the bricks back in place to rebuild are roughly where I am today.

However, as you correctly say, gotta keep persevering. A decade or more of gambling, and it has given me nothing but pain, misery, sleepless nights and has been a factor in stopping me from achieving the things like houses, cars and lifestyle that some of my more balanced friends enjoy. That's what recovery has to mean for me.

Hope you can let that tension go, and that a good night's sleep comes your way.

Ryan

Nice to hear from you Ryan, but alas no respite for me. Whilst I havent gambled since my last post I am tense and stressed much of the time. The gambling devil has done a good job on me. Strips me of money with which to live and then sends me to work with teenagers with explosive anger in a class where the kids rule and anarchy prevails. I'd love to walk away but I must persevere in order to keep a roof over my head. Staff member injured today, off to hospital. If the same happens to me tomorrow I won't get sick pay. My life feels like a disaster at the moment. A disaster of my own making, a disaster of my own foolish choices.

Life goes on.

Thanks for listening.. S.A