Hope

"One small, tiny bet away from disaster."

That's what I always think when I have those little urges, no matter how small they are - just like your £1 on the lottery. It's safe enough to do for other people but not for us.

6 days in a row jogging! Slow down! Seriously though, all this seems to be doing your self-esteem a whole lot of good.

My jogging has been put on hold yet again due to the return of this dratted bug. However, I have booked myself in for a 5 mile running event next month and a half marathon next March.

Enjoy your evening.

November

Thanks for dropping in November... you are right.. why take the risk with things like the lottery... its just maintaining that thinking at all times.. hence the day at a time approach. Easing yourself back into the running by the looks of it. Out of interest the half-marathon in march.. would that be Bath by any chance?

Anyway as for me am a bit down this evening, depressed even but hey atleast I no longer make my down moods even worse by gambling my money away. On to the new day. thanks for listening.. S.A

Hi S.A

Thanks for checking in on my diary.

Ups and downs are part of our lives as CG's.

It's strange that we have all to one extent or another damaged ourselves so much both mentally and financially to enjoy the 'up', the 'buzz' that we had from gambling (notice 'had' rather than 'get'!) Even to the extent that we were (not are) prepared to make things so much worse to top up the 'fix'!!

There is somewhere in the middle of those two feelings. I think it's called normality, a feeling of being able to enjoy a normal life without going further down the road of self destruction.

Cheer up and keep fighting! The feeling of depression (I have the same problem and currently take AD's) does improve without gambling in your life.

David

Thanks David.. yes normality. Everybody has emotional ups and downs and most poeple don't respond to that by emptying their bank account into the slots and to be fare to me neither do I anymore 99% of the time. I am working at it. My diary still has its purpose

Unsurprisingly today i am feeling better than i did yesterday. As I have often mentioned, the hardest thing i find in my day to day living is managing the ever present uncertainties and frustrations and annoyances of work.. though today it was generally positive.

Looking back I think to myself.. It would be nice to have felt more empowered a little bit more a part of something. It would have been nice if my opinions had been sort and valued when it came to change and events that affected me. It would be nice to have had my personal strengths encouraged. It would be nice to not simply be reacting to events and fighting my corner.

But having said all of this I also appreciate that knowbody has done me any harm and nobody is perfect.. very much including myself. Ive just gotta keep moving forward, keep trying to keep my stress levels in an acceptable range, keep trying to do positive things outside of work.. so when work feels like s**t, its not the be all and end all.. cos ive got other stuff going on.. which i have this weekend.. am out all saturday at a running event. I am looking forward to it.. I think.

Anyway no gambling problems. Onwards and upwards.. thanks for listening.. S.A

S.A

Great post there from you. It sort of mirrors the way I feel at the moment.

This gambling disease is a complex thing and messes with our minds. Coping with stress levels, and our own perceptions of different aspects of our lives which are to one degree or another affected by it is something that we must overcome. Even if there are people who do not understand this disease and do not recognise it as being a disease we have to get on and do it.

Keep going.

David

Hi SA,

Yes, it's the Bath half marathon. One which I have done a few times. Not always the best planned - they had a couple which were badly organised especially the year when the runners village was a quagmire. But it is a lovely flat route and always well supported.

No running done since that solitary jog but my second round of bugs seems be clearing up now. Hopefully running will resume next weekend.

This recovery journey really is full of ups and downs. But mostly ups which is the most important thing.

Hope you are having a great weekend and that running is going well.

Getting there

Hi SA

just dropping by. Hope you enjoyed the running event - you usually seem to find these revitalising 🙂

I played the lotto the other week, and do you know what? on that one, solitary occasion it was fine, but have I had more gambling thoughts than usual? absolutely. Its just not worth it is it?

I bought a big issue yesterday instead - much more rewarding.

I really feel for you on the work front, not easy to *** the nettle and move to something different, when there are very few jobs about just now. Perhaps the most positive thing you can do right now is to keep looking, and put a few pennies away where ever you can incase you have to just get out, if its reached that point.

A happy, fairly skint SA working in Starbucks is better than a depressed, miserable gambling one with a good job.

Take care,

f x

Thanks for your thoughts.

Alas not a good day today. Don't know whether to make this a long post or a short post. After a good day yesterday at a running event. I got home and went out again "on my own", clubbing, drinking and then the inevitable happened the feeding of the £500 jackpot machines in zombie like state until the cashpoint said no. Nothing more to say really. Mights as well just copy and paste from last time. Disappointed with myself but nothing i can do about it.. dust myself down and carry on. No need for any deep introspection I know myself well enough. At the end of the day I set myself up for a fall. Thanks for listening.. S.A

(((SA)))

My thoughts go out to you s.a ....im quite close to the edge of the cliff myself gamblewise at the minute...our diaries are similar in that we have no comfort blankets of supportive partners helping us...sayin that no excuses i suppose....back to basics mate counseling / g.a / limited amounts of cash carried / cards at home ??? No lectures from me mate you have to take positives out of the lengths of time you go without a gamble...whilst you are rightly disappointed in yourself dont beat yourself up too much..whats gone has gone and all that eh...chin up you know you can do this 😉

Thanks f and wp.. your support is appreciated 🙂

Like I say..although inside I am going through the usual let down emotions that we all know there is no post-mortem this time... am just getting on with life a day at a time. I no what my issues are... its just a question of working on them and in doing that i am less likely to gambling. No gambling problems today.. S.A

No gambling but thoughts a plenty. I know only to well how easy it is for a slip to turn into a full blown relapse. My gambling head says to me that i can win back money lost. I am beating myself up a little. I want the money back. Its not easy to come to terms with but I know i must accept that my money that i gambled is not coming back and i should let it go.

Its been a good while since ive had to go through this and the fact that am here writing this is good news. It means am working at it and doing my damdest to get back on track without digging my hole deeper. But It is not easy. My life continues.. warts and all.. thanks for listening.. S.A

The chaser in your brain is a bummer. It lies to you though - don't listen!

Im not going to give any more advice than that, it would be like showing granny how to suck an egg 😉

You know the drill.

Take care,

f x

Hi SA

Thanks for your post mate, its always good to hear from you.

Urges hey!! doesn't matter how far we are into our recoveries they always seem to creep up when we least expect them. I am however a very lucky man because i have my sons to keep me focused and gamble free. If i never had my sons god knows where i'd be now tho, reckon i would either be in prison or at the bottom of the river thames.

Anyway your an inspiration to me, i will never forget the support you gave me when i first joined!

My recovery is and has been more than knocking my addiction on the head.

ODAAT, take care and thanks again for your post. ands

Thanks all.. your supportive replies are lovely to read and think about as always.

No gambling problems..am just tired from work today so just checking in. I will get round to posting to others over the weekend sometime. Thanks for listening.. S.A