I finally managed to tell her.

Hi Loxxie

Thanks for being there. Feeling a little stronger today. I think the feeling has passed.

I knew it was going to be difficult and people have warned me that I need to be strongest and the times I least expect and that advice is very smart.

Your right. Why would I want to risk everything for that little bet. When I look at him, why would I want to waist his future.

It's not happening!!

Hope that feeling flew right out the window Dan. ..if it was a persistent little fecker. ..they can be like that sometimes. ...tell it to jog on...you've got a little man in that cot. ..hopefully soundo...but realistically...screaming his head off....who needs his daddy to be here for him...100% ....Have a good weekend with your little family....don't risk it all for a lousy bet...xxx

So was on a stag do last night and went into a casino..... first time for a long long time and felt it might be a difficult one to cope with after a difficult couple of weeks.

I came out a winner though. They gave me a free drink for registering with them!!

Stayed strong and loyal to my family and not once did I feel the pull towards the tables.

555 days done and for the first time I actually feels like I've done it, instead of doing it! I felt nothing. It was amazing to stand at the bar and think about every day things I stead of getting caught up the emotion around me.

Think it helped that when I walked in there was a young lad sat at the roulette table with his head literally in his hands....... I remember that feeling and it's never happening to me ever again!!

Another difficult day... Trying to stay strong but the bordem seems to be triggering those old feelings.

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time Dan. ..
Keep those barriers high and distract yourself anyway you can.....gambling gave you NOTHING last time did it ?
Why should it next time ? ...
You can get through this....keep focused x

Hi Dan ,

Just a thought but perhaps what's really started to trigger thiose old feelings is visiting the casino last week ? .

I know you said you didn't gamble but you still took yourself back to a place we can never safely visit again , were compulsive gamblers through and through , never cured just in remmision . Were not far apart in terms of gamble free time under our belts and I know I could never go back there again , to visit a bookies or a casino , even a day at the races on a family day out has to be a no no for me as it would trigger all those old feelings in an instant even if I didn't gamble. I consider myself quite strong 600 days in but I wouldn't want to put myself in that position ever again , you know how much better your life has been since you quit so Isuggest you look back at your post from the casino night and think of the lad , head in hands ! . We've all been there buddy sat with those feelings and it could so easily be either one of us again ?.

Stay Safe Dan and keep pushing forward eh :))

Best wishes

Alan

Hi Dan, just seen your diary...have you got blocks in place? Is the boredom new? Don't succumb to those urges....you will regret it if you do. Do you go to GA? Keep posting. Best wishes.

Hi guys. Thanks for your comments.

Alan me old mucca, I think you are spot on with the reason for the feelings. I knew at the time it would be difficult and am proud of myself for being strong enough to resist.

That being said, it's not a possition I enjoyed being and I don't want to make the mistake of feeling invincible as we all know where that will ultimately end.

I used to get board easily at work and my job changed a lot over the last year and I was being challenged a lot more. I have recently began to get constable in my new role and feel that when I'm comfortable at work, I get bored.

Most of the blocks in place have been removed over time with the self discaplin I have thought myself. I have access to my money but I still say to my wife she can check my statements any time. This keeps me on the straight and narrow. Although she is always nagging at me for all the McDonald's and KFC!! But overall, she is happy that it's a few quid on food supposed to a few grand on gambling every few weeks.

Although I was feeling week, I think I am stronger than I give myself credit for. My wife and boy mean everything to me and I'm never going to put her through the pain I saw in her eyes that night I came clean.

Thanks for the support guys. You are all a great help.

Hiya Dan :))

Good to hear your response mate and that your sounding a bit better in yourself :))

Mate you are stronger than you give yourself credit for , it takes huge guts , determination and a willingness to continue to get to the place you are today , they always say " The easy bit's stopping gambling , it's the staying stopped that's the hard bit " ( not sure who said it but it sounded about right though ) :))

Boredom can be a huge trigger Dan as also can be not finding life challenging enough just as youv'e said has happened at work , maybe worth looking into ways of getting out of that comfort zone ? .

I'm no different to you Dan and at times I still think of gambling but to be honest those thought's alone really scare the s***e out me , that twitsted gut wrenching feeling I used to get after a bad losing session comes to visit but in my eyes that's a good thing as it's a feeling that brings it all flooding back and keeps me safe .

Like you said Dan you have the important things around you these day's , your wife your son not to mention all the KFC and Maccy D's a man could want , stay focused on what youv'e acheived and what you and I could so easily have lost and remember these words " A bargain "Bucket " is only one step away from a "Trough " :)).

Have a good night Buddy and look after that family of your's :))

Cheers Alan. You sure do know how to put a smile on my face!!

Hi all

Sorry I didn't get to post yesterday. Was a very very busy day. So yesterday was 600 days gamble free and it feels great.

I'm amazed at how quick the days seems to be racking up. It only feels like yesterday when I was holding my hands on my head because of the stupid decisions I was making.

It's still difficult. I still have times where I look back and remember the feeling of a big win. I still have to battle those feelings to keep my life the happiest it's ever been.

My advice to everyone is to keep off they Jerermy Kyle Show and Keep strong!

Well done Dan and thankyou for sharing that massive achievement .. 600 days is such an inspiration to me . I am on day 28 , feeling positive and your post makes me ever more determined ...... Take care. Stephen

Wow 600 days. I can only dream of that for now. Well done on one amazing diary. You have stayed strong despite the ups and downs of life.

Its amazing to read, and how you turned your life around. I would urge you to read it back to yourself from the begining sometimes. it may help if you feel low, or get urges to bet.

Thanks for sharing

split

Hey Dan , Huge congratulations on your 600 day's mate and very inspiring to see how much life's chganged for you :))

All the best Buddy and I'll catch up soon :)))

Best wishes Alan .

Thanks everyone. I do look back and have a read every once in a while and your right, it reminds me on how great I've done.

The reason I have posted at each stage Is in the hope that it will inspire and help others. Even if it's just one person, it would mean so much to me to know that someone else has learnt from my awful mistakes.

Great to hear from you again Alan. One thing I will never forget is that support you've given me on this journey. Thank you.

Much love to all out there. Stay strong!