I HATE MYSELF

Hi lesley , Youv'e done the right thing coming here instead of trotting along to the slots, so give yourself a lot of credit for that one "Grumpy " :)) .

I think it's just the time of year for feeling that way ? , we spend a lot more money than we would usually do and the old gambler mind we all have starts whispering in our ear and justifying a little gamble in order to come up with the extra wonga to cover it ?.That combined with all the stress of xmas and fighting your way around the shops probably doesn't help either ! . But that all being said we know where it all ends in our world if we stray back across that line wev'e now drawn, as you said time to chill take some deep breaths and just see it all for what it really is and just think as it's nearly xmas it wont be too long before the other 6 dwarf's turn up to cheer you up :)) .

Have a great evening and keep making those right choices :))

Alan

Stay strong Lesley, you are doing amazing!

Look at all the lovely presents you bought today....would you have been able to do that if you'd hit those money grabbing cartoon characters???

Tomorrow is another day lovely....put your feet up, watch a movie, phone a friend....relax...you can do this!

M x

Brilliant Lesley that you resisted the urge...have you bought presents for the kids today? I've been wrapping presents tonight. Could have treated everyone a little more, if I hadn't fed it into a box at the start of the month. Think I may surprise family members with late presents at end of January....cos then I will be almost two months gf. Hope you have enjoyed your evening.

I'm starting to enjoy Christmas, my kids are excited and I'm so glad iv managed to get the gifts that they asked for plus a few extra surprises. I can't wait now .. I'm scared to death I may stumble now when things are looking up .Things are so different from last year my mum bailed me out and basically gave my kids a Christmas they deserve I know if I hadn't stopped when I did I tnis year would have been the same . I'm actually feeling positive for the first time in a long while and that too has brought about changes in many other ways, my interaction with the kids , freinds and family and my frame of mind have changed completely my kids are happier as a result and its noticiable .. no looking back now .. I don't want to gamble today .
************************
* MERRY CHRISTMAS *
*************************

Good morning,

My first gamcare post i have read today.

Wow.

Many congratulations and a lovely positive post.

Merry xmas and best wishes x

Merry Christmas...stay strong.

I really didn't think id be in this place ..75 days gamble free . At this moment in my life I could be happier, Im not going to lie stopping gambling hasn't solved all my problems, but I am working on them ,that's the difference. Whilst I was gambling i couldn't be bothered , I was too busy stressing out , making ends meet ect . I'm only hoping I never gamble again , I know how easy it is to relapse and spin the wheel again , I also realise that making it harder to gamble works ,blocks do work (I use as many as I can) this site has heped me , not only the advice of others but having a place to go when I get the urge to gamble . I'm still feeling positive about not slipping up .
Thanks Gamcare / Members, for all your help over a very long period of time (far too long)
***************************
HAPPY NEW YEAR
EVERYONE
***************************
L.M

Only goes to show .. always be on your guard .. 133 days ( well more like 120 days )
Been hitting the slots hard over the past two weeks blocks ect ..ripped to shreads n back in the red .. im gutted, I feel mortified to say the least .
I didn't want to come back here but perhaps I should never have left .
I have never felt so alone as I do now. I tried to talk to my mum last week but basically she told me to stop calling her with nothing but troubles she's done with the upset.
And so back to sqare 1 .
Deep breath ..
Not sure what I can do now .
There's got to be more I can try ..
DAY 1 : Begins in the morning
I havnt felt like this for a while I remember it well .

-

Hi Lesley,

Are you going to seek some extra help this time round? Slips su*ks but nothing changes if nothing changes.

GA meetings, counselling, hobies, blocks on your devices, handing money over...there are options! You can do it...do you really want to do it?..that's the question.

Stay safe, keep posting..support is out here ☺

Truth is I don't know what to do now ..not going to overthink things, just try again .. keep adding the blocks , keep plodding on . Get busy , that's my plan stop feeling sorry for myself and shift my b**t ( so to speak ) .. painting , cleaning remove the stress, drink T , whatever it takes ..

I havnt gambled for 7 days now.
I am sick to my stomach and worried that I may never stop .
I think I have just about tried everything I can buy at this point in my life I feel lower than I ever have before ..money pishhh
If money was all I had to worry about life would be alot easier.
This gambling addiction has almost got me beat ..only almost
This is going to be my best shot .
I am a fool .
It's the lies that are making me sick and the worry that I cannot make things right.
3 weeks ago I signed up for a loan I convinced my mum to be a guarantor her house is at risk iv I fail to make the repayments .
The pressure of this is making me sick to my stomach but not enough to stop gambling.
I am ashamed of myself .
I was im a winning streak on a high only to come down with an almighty bang .
I have yet again blocked myself from the only site I was able to sign up to after trying for almost an hour I managed to gamble on a site that can only be described a sham I knew it was dodgy but carried on .. what possessed me i do not know .
I need help and om going to do my best to get it .
The thought if another month like this one is not something I relish but I know it won't stop me .
I confided in my dad this week but this proved a mistake he will not help me .. he just offered me money .
I refused it by go I need it but still I refused .
The realisation that im alone in this is heartbreaking I have no one .. I have told feinds in the past but they are all caught up in their own problems . I cannot tell my mum because she will worry about the loan and her home .. her partner my step dad is quite ill with cancer and i cannot put this on her she will be mortified.
I feel I'll at what I have done and what im doing of even thought about dissapearing. . Tears are in my eyes as I write this as I have three beatiful kids .
Like I said this will be my best shot I cannot and will not live this life anymore ..
My sister got married last week and i was so sad I don't know why but also I was glad she has a freind I wish I had someone to confide in .. but om alone constantly gambling has seen to that I have become a recluse I have no self esteem and am very depressed .
I will shake this starting with a trip to the doctors . booked for tues next week ..
It's a start .. who knows it might help but I know it can't hurt .
Please god let me have my life back

Your in the grip of something very powerful. Be as honest as possible with the GP. Counselling, GA?

One thing to remember today, be kind to yourself, it is an addiction. You need to work hard at it, but you will come out the other end of it.

Julie x

Hi Lesley, sorry I don't have time to go back through your diary but blocks are not going to stop you. Well done for booking the doctor's appointment but I have to ask, what are you expecting from them? GA is a support group of people who get this, they won't offer you money but they will be there for you if you are prepared to reach out. GamCare offers counselling & I understand, a second lot if you've already had one set. It's little wonder you are worried about putting your mum's home @ risk but that didn't happen by chance. That would have taken time & effort & It's a choice that you made, albeit fuelled by addiction...Now you have another choice. You can get off of this landslide & find your self worth again but you can't do it alone & since your loved ones are unable, you have to find the strength to reach out to strangers. We're not intrinsically bad but as addicts, we do bad things & only we can put the effort in to right them!

Fight hard - ODAAT

Hi Lesley, I urge you to try GA...its scary first time you walk through the door, but there you will find people who will get you, people who will support you, and you will not be alone. Take it one day at a time...today you will not gamble.