Its time

Hi! It's very safe to say nobody becomes a compulsive gambler by choice, but with help we can learn to control and/or modify our behaviour. Really glad to hear you're seeking out a GA meeting. There is no pride to swallow, honest. Every single person in that room will understand where you are now and how you got there. No-one will judge and most importantly no-one else will be able to listen and empathise like a fellow CG. GA rooms can be amazing places where a shared spirit can spur people on and help them stay gamble free until the next meeting. What's 2 hours a week to sustain a gambling free lifestyle? Best of luck as you begin this stage of your journey.

Thanks whatami. Looking forward to seeing and speaking to those who share the CG burdon. Having read so many posts tonight, I already feel slightly less lonely.

Hi, that's great that you are trying to seek help. You've stopped for a long time before which is positive but you recognise that you were only treating the symptoms before.

Do you know why you gamble? If you're looking to go deeper, then this is what you need to look into. I never really knew why I did beyond recognising it as a form of escapism. More recently I've really been trying to look into the why, and realised I have a form of social anxiety.

Identifying what my issue was and then addressing it has a great relief. Before that I was starting to think all kind of things were wrong with (which they weren't). I'm now dealing with it in various ways and it feels great to be going straight to the root problem. Chances are that any issue can be managed so it's not a problem but you know what it is and have the will to change.

Wish you well

Not sure why. It has always been part of my life - sunday trips to the coast and spending time in the arcades, at the pub where conversations happened around the bandit. I will find out what is the root cause but for now taking away the opportunity and money means I wont gamble. Biggest challenge at the moment is that my wife still wants to discuss the lost money and go through the details of when and where. I just want to put it in a box and focus on today but also understand that she needs to do stuff before she can move on. having looked at others diaries I tried to talk to her about the fact that I am not the only one in the world that has done this but she isnt interested in that, she is still very angry so I just need to get by until I can talk to her about the problem rather than the losses..

Its good that your showing her a continuing recovery

Reading the family and friends section many of them are waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Good day today! Bit the bullet and printed off all cc statements and chatted through with my wife. It was interesting to see the pattern. As lenders offered me interest free balamce transfers I would draw cash one one cc then if/when i didnt win, i'd transfer to interest free! Talk about a false economy. Anyway, all of the past is now shared and open so time to focus on tomkrrow and ny first GA meeting. We also talked about the triangle - money, time and place. Wife has total control of money and I am changing diary to avoid free time.. for some reason I feel very optomistic at 9 days in... will post after 1st GA..

Day 10 and just thinking about my first attendance at GA tonight..

What should I expect?

Should i have preregistered (the website says just turn up at 7pm)

Will there be many there?

What if I know someone?

How confidential is it, if tomorrow i see a fellow GA attender in the street, do I ignore them ?

Sure all we be ok but getting a bit nervous...

Expect to be greeted warmly by people who know exactly how you feel. They too have all felt the anxiety of walking through the door for the 1st time.
No need to register. The only thing needed to join GA is a desire to stop gambling.
Numbers at meetings vary greatly. All depends on location & how good that particular group is.
Its highly unlikely you will know anyone there.
What is said in the GA room stays in the GA room. We have all done things we are not proud of so complete confidentiality is respected so as we can all be honest with no fear.
If i were to see a fellow member in the street i would greet him as i do any friend.

Best wishes, it wont be as scary as you are imagining. Just go with an open mind & a willingness to try new solutions.

Ditto to day@atime's comment. Of course your first journey into a GA room is going to be a bit scary. You are a stranger, yet oddly it's certain that those in the room know more about you than anyone else! They know, because they've been there and probably have the t-shirt many times over. Try and relax, listen at first and if you feel able I am sure the chair will offer you the chance to say a few words. Whether you tell the group your life story, just say a few words, or decline and just continue to listen to others, no-one will judge you. I am not a religious man by any means, but the phrase "judge not, lest ye be judged" could not have a better setting. Best of luck, I look forward to hearing about it tomorrow.

Thanks for your reassurances.

Well, attended my first GA meeting last night. On the whole, the experience was positive and I will certainly be going back next week, the group of 8 were very welcoming and it was great to hear how they are getting by day by day. I can see how attending will help me on my journey Still, I saw the benefit the other CGs in the room were getting from the group so I am sure that I too will get the same benefit. After the meeting, I had a voie message from the counsellor who lsived 45 miles away (see previous posts) she has had agreement from her boss that she can do the face to face counselling over the phone! Not sure how that will work but will give her a call later.

Today is day 11 and I choose not to gamble today!

Day 12 and no gambling. Good deep discussion with wife last night and it's still hurting. I need to keep doing what i am doing and hope she is able to see a positive future rather than a horrible past. Looking forward to a family filled weekend.

Sounds like a good couple of days for you? With regard to GA each group is a bit different. Some are very dyed-in-the-wool and have their cliques and routines, others flow much more easily. It sounds like you plan to return anyway, but I would always say if you find one particular room doesn't do it for you, don't give up on GA and try and find another meeting (I know that's easier said than done in some areas of the country)

Thanks W. Not going to give up on the group yet.... I was the new boy so have no rights yet. Will see how I feel in a month or 2.