So first time here and first time I’m admitting I have a problem. Nearly 40 years gambling, years of misery, a divorce and a bankruptcy and I still don’t learn. It’s not rocket science but on and on I go with this sheer madness. Nobody could ever hate me more than I hate myself, no body could ever be more ashamed of me than me. I have a good job and I’m respected, I have good friends who think I’m rock solid and strong, oh how very wrong they all are. My son thinks I’m the best mum that ever walked the planet, I wish to god that was true I really do but it’s far from it. I owe him 1500 I should’ve paid him last Friday when I got paid but I lost every penny of my wages on slots. Some super mum eh? You certainly won’t think any less of me than I already think of myself. I’ve now been gf for just 5 days and already I want to play again even after physically being sick after my loss. Just why??
Hey sosad.
Sorry to hear you feel do bad. That's what gambling has done to us all. I know it's hard but try to put the past behind you. You can't change what's happened. I bet you are a super mum...kids are never wrong. You have been gf for 5 days...why not 55 days! Put blocks in place so you don't gamble and never forget how it makes you feel when you lose. Focus on your family and seek out a ga meeting. I know it's hard but always keep your chin up and remember the sun always shines in the morning and the darkness fades. Stay strong.
Thankyou Marcella for your kind words. I used to be super mum, I just want to be that person again. Can’t see thru my tears to type anymore.
Dear sosad,
Thanks for joining the forum and posting here. I am sorry to read that you are experiencing such a tough time and would encourage you to reach out and contact and Advisor on the free HelpLine 0808 8020 133 or the netline if you haven't already. Sometimes it can help to talk things through, and we're available until midnight each day.
Meanwhile I hope you receive support and encouragement on our forums and would encourage you to keep posting and keep looking forward, you've made the move to admit what a problem gambling has been for you, and you don't have to be alone with this.
Kind regards
Leigh
Forum Admin
Another day of pretending everything is just great. Spent all day trying to work out just exactly how stupid I can be but didn’t find a definite answer to that one but on a scale of one to ten it’s probaly a 32. Makes me think of a roulette wheel, in fact everything one way or the other makes me think of gambling. Will I ever have a day when I don’t think constantly of gambling?? But on a positive note I’ve completed another gf day. Wish I could say it was sheer willpower but in reality it’s because I have no money. Kinda not so great then.
Hi
You did good to come on here and admit your problems... Now time to deal with them. Trust me when I say if you stay on this path things can and will get easier.
Slowly as you don't gamble money will return to you... How about that eh? Can you believe how we didn't figure this out in the first place :o) anyway gambling leaves a hole in your life that needs filling, but use this recovery to really look at why you gambled in the first place and if you are strong enough, address those issues at the same time as rebuilding your life. Take each day at a time for now. Days are tough but they get easier. They get much much harder if you gamble again. Best of luck.
Thankyou signalman im trying really hard believe me but these stupid ridiculous thoughts just don’t go away. I know I’ll be the worlds biggest idiot to gamble again I know that but my brain doesnt seen to get it. I’d love to be the person that puts encouraging intelligent advice on here but well that seems a long way off at the moment.
Hi sosad, 40 years is a long time.
I’d urge you to read the sticky “want to do something? Read this”.
Then follow the practical exclusion steps - all of them.
Then find a GA meeting.
Then share you pain with a loved one.
You will struggle to do it through will power alone on your own.
Thanks for the advice, I’ve excluded myself from all bookies and online slots, I went to a ga meeting but it was closed due to lack of staff. I’m far too ashamed to tell anyone I know what mess I’m in so for now I’ll just see how I can do on my own and with you guys, you’re comments are much appreciated.
Hi Sosad, just wanted to reiterate that you're not alone here - I’m in a very similar situation to you - and am busy beating myself up about it. You are doing all the right things now, so just keep putting one foot in front of the other...
sosad wrote:
Another day of pretending everything is just great. Spent all day trying to work out just exactly how stupid I can be but didn’t find a definite answer to that one but on a scale of one to ten it’s probaly a 32. Makes me think of a roulette wheel, in fact everything one way or the other makes me think of gambling. Will I ever have a day when I don’t think constantly of gambling?? But on a positive note I’ve completed another gf day. Wish I could say it was sheer willpower but in reality it’s because I have no money. Kinda not so great then.
‘Will I ever have a day when I don’t constantly think of gambling’?
Yes. Absolutely you will. I used to think like this. I remember also thinking I could never truly be happy if I stopped smoking!
I haven’t gambled for 6 years and I have literally no compulsion to gamble. There remain issues for me to explore and a great many ways I can continue to have a better life. But in terms of thoughts/ urges etc. Nada.
Needless to say that stopping smoking was only a positive for me.
You are not your thoughts. You do not control your thoughts. They just arise, and in your current state they are the product of an addicted mind.
Let thoughts come and go. Ride out any urges. There really is no need for you act on any of these thoughts or urges. The more you can urge surf the less any urges have bite.
Embrace your new life. See this as an opportunity. Putting on a brave face is tiring. Time to be yourself? Time to open up?
Louis
Thankyou lil30 it’s nice in a way to know other people feel the same but not nice knowing you feel as bad as me ( if you know what I mean). Thankyou Louis I need positive advice like that from someone who’s got to the other side. I am going to change I am going to beat this.
Ok so really crappy day at work today which is usually the only excuse I need to get online but not anymore!! I’m excluded from all sites but we all know what devious liars we can be and I know I can get round the ban somehow but I am NOT going to. I am not going to be the pathetic loser anymore. I’ve somehow found some optimism today and I’m going to look forward to actually reading my bank statement at the end of the month instead of shredding it without even opening it. Imagine a whole 31 days with no gambling websites on it?? I’m going to do this I really am!!
As am I! There must be something in the air tonight as I too am feeling crappy. Be proud of what you have achieved so far!
Sounds like we are two peas in a pod. I can do it if you can
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