Just why???

All things you are hoping for can come true. If you want them to, if you want them enough. It's as simple as that really.

The more pertinent question is... 40 years gambling and attempting to fight alone, and failing, then your big plan this time is to fight it alone???

Get to a GA meeting please. If the other one isn't running find the next local one. 40 years gambling is going to take an army to break down and conquer... You have one waiting for you if only you'll reach out to them. Stay strong and good luck.

The difference this time is that I actually want to stop, I now acknowledge I have a big problem and it’s turning me into something I’m really not. I want to sleep at night. I want to buy myself something just because. I want to open the post instead of shredding it the second it hits the mat. I want to buy my son a shirt just because I can. I want to do all these things and I am going to.

I’ve just found the solution to all my problems!!! Everyday I used to bet on dog racing then I started rescuing greyhounds and haven’t had a bet on them in over ten years. Obviously I need to adopt a slot machine!!!!! Anyone got one that needs a loving secure home??

sosad wrote:

The difference this time is that I actually want to stop, I now acknowledge I have a big problem and it’s turning me into something I’m really not. I want to sleep at night. I want to buy myself something just because. I want to open the post instead of shredding it the second it hits the mat. I want to buy my son a shirt just because I can. I want to do all these things and I am going to.

Loving this post. Love the resilient fighting talk and I feel the power in your words. I would still encourage you to find more allies in this battle and they will only serve to help you along your way, however from what you've said you've taken stock of the world of pain gambling brings and as painful as that is, I guess it is all part of the process.

If anything the confrontation of this pain will buoy you to keep moving forward. Keep it in mind without letting it consume you (not healthy - this is a concept I struggle with frequently!) New lives are just waiting there for us to grab... If we want them enough.

Thankyou signalman for your wise words.

12 days today! Might not seem a lot but to me it’s huge. Saturday is my worse day as normally I’d spend the whole day gambling but today that is not going to happen. Those fat cats will not get another penny from me.

Hiya ! I’ve just joined and have read through this thread. I just wanted to say a massive well done on the 12 days. It is a lot and it’s amazing. I could feel the pain in your very first post and could identify with the self loathing . Reading your most recent post has given me hope- so thank you .Keep going , 40 years is a very long time so please be kind on yourself and realise how wonderful it is that you have made just a big step in breaking the chains that have been holding you back for so long

Thankyou so much tracyd. I’m getting better every day, still hate myself but I hold my hands up to my stupidity and I’ve only got myself to blame. I’m determined to read a clear bank statement this month and that’s keeping me going. I don’t know your story but if I can do this anyone can too so I wish you all the luck in the world. We can beat this evil disease.

Hi! Congrats on 12 days! Your success is keeping me going too - weekends were always bad for me too, specially when it’s dark and wet as the dog doesn't want to go out.

I’m so glad I’m giving you hope, you are all giving me hope and making me more determined. I got thru yesterday and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I have an image in my head of the owner of a popular online casino and he’s a slimy sleazy obese dirty little man and every time I have the urge to gamble I think of him. I will NOT give this slime ball another penny of my hard earned wage. Never again will he holiday on my misery. I will not contribute to his next flashy car or his fat cat bonus. He’s a leech and I’m not feeding him anymore. I will have £100 spare at the end of the month and I am going to buy myself some new clothes, haven’t done that in maybe 10 years! I am going to treat my dog and my son and I’m excited about it. I am going to frame my bank statement , I really am. Slime ball can go without!

You are doing so well. My story is probably similar to most people on here- I can’t believe my own stupidity for wasting money I didn’t have, spending my months wages in one swoop (more than a few times) then being filled with dread, remorse, panic and disgust for not learning from my past mistakes- pay day loans, missing bills etc etc and so it goes ...deeper and deeper... round and round. I think forgiveness for ourselves is important and to even be on here, moving in the right direction is a great achievement. A common thread is the self loathing and the disbelief for repeating the same mistakes, but that’s the nature of addiction and I think gambling is a particularly bad one because there is that (albeit unlikely) opportunity to chase a big reward and in my case - this would “fix everything”. As we know, this isn’t the reality. I’ve been for a lovely day out today with my partner (who knows nothing of my problem- more guilt and shame attached to that). Normally I would be trying to get rid of him somehow or would avoid doing stuff so that I could “chase” that big one to fix it all. However, today I was reminded what I was missing out on all the time I would sit gambling. I’m feeling strong and optimistic and this site is helping with that. I wish you and everyone else on here the biggest success on beating this horrible addiction.

I used to think if I didn’t have gambling I’d have nothing in my life, the reality is I have nothing in my life because of gambling! So often I would try and get rid of my husband purely so I could gamble, if he came home early I used to be so angry that he was ruining my betting time. I resented him so much, totally unfairly totally my fault. At that time there is nothing in the world more important than that next spin. So stupid. He left me 2 years ago and certainly don’t blame him but I am never going to be that person again. 16 more days til I see my bank statement. No idiot.coms, no self hate, no guilt, no sickeners. No more!! We can do it tracyd.

It’s had a hold over us and it’s a powerful thing- WAS a powerful thing. I think that what has helped most is reading people’s stories, like yours. There is so much similarity in the way we feel about ourselves and the things we did- and that’s reassuring. Once this awful thing has been put to rest- life will be so so much better. I can’t wait for your post when you see that bank statement and realise you have your power back.

We can do it lovely! 🙂

sosad wrote:

I used to think if I didn’t have gambling I’d have nothing in my life, the reality is I have nothing in my life because of gambling! So often I would try and get rid of my husband purely so I could gamble, if he came home early I used to be so angry that he was ruining my betting time. I resented him so much, totally unfairly totally my fault. At that time there is nothing in the world more important than that next spin. So stupid. He left me 2 years ago and certainly don’t blame him but I am never going to be that person again. 16 more days til I see my bank statement. No idiot.coms, no self hate, no guilt, no sickeners. No more!! We can do it tracyd.

You are doing amazingly well sosad- it's inspiring to see! I have done a month gf before and it is so good to see the bank statement after that. Instead of hundreds of entries and transactions that I was embarrassed about there was only a handful of bills or cash withdrawals on there.

I think a big thing for me in my current recovery of only a few days isn't trying not to think of the past too much cuz it depresses me and trying not to think to much about the future because it makes me anxious. Trying to live best I can in the present moment.

I too always struggling with temptation of slots and roulette but we can break the cycle

Stay strong and have a great gf day

You got this

All the best

Dave

Thankyou drdave very wise words. The past is done and I can’t change it and all I’m looking for is to get to that bank statement. I don’t think I have ever seen one that hasn’t had pages of stupid.com transactions and I’ve certainly never wanted to read it before. This month I will! Tracyd you have made me more determined to read it and I don’t know you at all but I feel like I don’t want to let you down, bizarre! I won’t let you down I really won’t.