Life begins again

Suzanne, congratulations on your continued success. And thanks for splashing yourself around the diaries, v kind and it strengthens me.

Mm

Hi Suzanne
502 days is amazballs, wishing you a peaceful and happy weekend
Your freind always
Cheryl xxx

Wow, getting past 500 is amazing. Congrats.

Hi Suzanne

Thanks for the pep talk. I really appreciate it.

I've been pretty positive today. I've called my sponsor and shared my feelings and it has helped.

I know if i gamble i lose but that doesn't stop the rediculous desire. It really is insanity of sorts but i know i need to keep up my honesty, shares and effort. That CANNOT change. If it does, well sure you can guess the rest.

Really mean it, thankyou for caring.

Tri xxx

Thanks for all the supportive posts, it really means a lot and is appreciated xx

Good morning diary,

503 days

The last 2 days have been quite hectic with having LM for 2 days lol, so a quiet Sunday is in the cards today :))

A nice Sunday roast after a couple of drinks lol, followed by watching a couple of films OH has downloaded,

Was rather annoyed to see all the Xmas stuff in the shops yesterday right next to the Hallowean stuff, it's only September and they are shoving spending for Xmas already in our faces, How many tins of chocs can we eat, (and they don't taste the same anymore :(() small children like my LM will be thinking Xmas is nearly here, months of buying for one day,

This can be a big trigger for an active CG, to gamble, I know that was me, gambling for money for Xmas, in September, how ridiculous I couldn't even keep any winnings (if I won) longer than a day or two, what was I thinking believing I could win in September and keep that money for Xmas pressies and treats ohh lol indeed.

Am not going anywhere near buying stuff for Xmas until,late November, it's just that seeing Xmas stuff reminded me of online slots in a sad sick way. and I don't need any extra reminders in that department.

Choice today no gambling and no shopping HDs

Wishing everyone a happy, positive and relaxed gambling free Sunday.

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne,

Thanks for your post. So glad to see you marching on, and adding those days to your recovery.

I think it's gonna turn out nice again......don't you?!!!!

Right, where's my shammy! ;0)

Have a great day

Ade

xxx

Morning Suzanne.

Went shopping to Tesco yesterday and had the same Xmas thoughts. We have budgeted a Xmas amount this year which won't go up (rarely) or down (always) due to my gambling. HD'a indeed.

Best wishes x

Hey Blondie,

Can you believe it - i nearly lost you in these pages! :-0 don't wonna gamcare gang coming after me so trying to type as quick as i can!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for being you and your unconditional support!

You are a lovely soul...the soul i happened to meet in this place i will be forever greatfull!

Never change hun..keep moving forwards, keep claiming your life back and keep living the dream..and this is truly lovely dream to live - only you can make it real ☺

Love, hugs...be proud

(((((S )))))

Coo coo xx

Dear Suzanne,

Thanks again for your continued support.

Just thought I'd extend the invite to the 3rd Witch of Gamcarewick!

Juuuuuune may be paying me a visit in a week or so. If it suits you, and you're remotely interested in heading over my way. Let me know and I'll set the wheels in motion. Not sure what part of the UK you are from, but it would be nice to put a face to all the lovely kind messages that you send me!

Keep strong

Ade

P.s: Dresscode - Pointy black hat and cloak......Broomsticks optional! ;0)

Hi Suzanne,

That woud be great to meet up, I will endeavour to get your details from the other two in the coven!

I'm guessing that you come down on the train? If so, does that come into Euston and/or Kings Cross?

If you dont let the train take the strain, then completely ignore those 2 previous questions!!

Keep strong

And hopefully e-mail you later

Ade xx

Ps: I know Chelmsford well. Those Essex girls played a big part in this North London boys 'growing up'! lol ;0)

Hi Suzanne
A belated congrats on 500. You know im not big on the day count thing but a huge well done to you.

Dan x

Morning Suzanne.
504 days wow and firmly 39 days behind me. Just fantastic.
Have a great Monday.
Luv Steve xxx

Thanks Balvaird, GT, Sandra, Dan and Steve, xxx

505 days.

I only do the day count when I come on here now dear diary, I don't think every morning now, with relief, day whatever it is lol.

Having said that I know deep inside I have turned another positive corner why,???, well I feel I am now on the outside looking in and that I know what happens on the inside of this addiction, and it simply is a DANGER to us, our well being, our mental health, our physical health, it simply destroys us in every way if we continue to feed it, and even worse it is more greedy than us so it can progress at an alarming frightening rate, that becomes totally uncontrollable for us.

Gambling for me, self destructed me as the person I was, I will never be that person again, the addiction destroyed me as I was, but I am embarking again as a new person now, ohh yes plenty of trial and error and heartache to get to this stage in my recovery, but it is worth every bit of the hard work, I know there will be tough times ahead, but as long as I keep focused on the new real me, and keep away from this danger that is hidden with this addiction,,because it really is just not about money, or gambling, this addiction has a bigger picture, and I think today what the hell was I doing, I had a good life before (materially not mentally) and the way it stands now, I have a good life (mentally not materially) oh don't get me wrong diary, I have a long way to go to get my self esteem back(did I ever have it in the first place but if not ) my recovery is gifting me a good chance to,achieve this.and that is just for starters lol, my past of what I did to myself with gambling 10000% plus added to my life problems that I already had before I started gambling, and yep diary those life problems I had before have not gone away,,we can't erase memories, of what happened in our lives, (else we would be robots) lol, but we can change our now, and therefore change our future,,why would I want to add any more self inflicted problems and S***e than I know can come, but it won't be because of any self destructive thoughts of my own, Imam living along side of this hideous addiction and for today thanking my lucky stars that Imam now able to look on in the inside from the outside, with knowledge, hope,,and ofcourse determination and POSITIVITY, than not only I can do this, but I am doing this, no,matter how the rock bottom is and it's different for all of us, we can claw our way out, yes it's hard work, but it is possible(as Ade says), it really is, and I think that is a big fat positive for all of us,

We can all do this, by just making that right choice every single day,,no matter what life throws at me today, I am not going to make it worse by escaping into,a hot explosive fire, (that fire is gambling)

Wishing everyone a safe, determined and positive gambling free evening.

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne and thanks for the posts on my diary. 500 days is outstanding, and keep keeping that demon gambler at bay! Gambling will never solve any problems we have, just simply make matters worse. Its not a form of escape, it adds more problems to whatever problem we think we are escaping , creating the vicious circle , self destruction and heartache to not only ourselves but , everyone concerned !

Well done and keep it up

Good evening diary.

Have had a strange day, messages from Ade and coo coo made me smile today and did make me think I am worth it I am a person, who can stand up and be counted.

I am saying this because just one. Pic on Facebook ( my older brother with his two grown up children and their children) and his children with his 2nd wife ) having a lovely hol in Mexico (and that is quite natural for them lol) did not make me feel jealous anymore of there perfect American lives and the American Dream (what hurts is we don't have any contact, in fact I now have no contact with any of my brothers) I know they are ashamed and embarrassed that I am there sibling ( it might lead their kids astray)?

I fact I was always jealous of my three brothers, the youngest is a professor, the oldest is a doctor (PHD) but dear diary my jealousy started when I was very young, old enough to know I was being picked on all the time by my siblings simply because I was a girl, ( it was different in the early sixties) ll.

I have 3 brothers ( both my parents have passed 25,plus years my Mum and 20 years my Dad) they both went too young.

What I am saying is the rot/cement was already well sealed years before they went,

Why did I feel inferior within my own family when I was a child, that has kept me feeling inferior through adolescence and as an adult, well I have a good idea now, thanks to finding recovery, jeez it does make you delve deep into yourself, and it's hard dear diary.

I want to personally thank on here certain people and they know who they are whether they post now or not, my journey continues

Bringing me sadness, but strength to keep in recovery,

To be honest sometimes it's hard to keep going on the forum, but if I stray from here, I am without no doubt straying from my recovery, this forum is as much part of my broken triangle, without either I would weaken.

The way I feel tonight is it's not our fault we got sucked in, we started off enjoying our punt/slots/ game,and yes we enjoyed it, we didn't know it was addicitive, we didn't know it would take over our lives 100% because it did, we didn't know it would turn us into lying,manipulating, selfish uncaring, horrible people, ( but the addiction did) but hey diary that was the addiction, not ME.

Not counting days anymore , counting my blessings instead every day I stay within my recovery, simply because I know I can sail along quite nicely in calm waters for a while, and then it just takes one pic on Facebook to make me feel inferior again.

Have been told a lot through my life, and teased about how naive I am, I am me, and guess I will always be naive in some ways, ( but hey not with this horrible addiction I have my eye at all times on it ) and that is very POSITIVE

Wishing everyone a safe, calm, gambling free evening

Suzanne xx