Life With Sports Bets Only

Hi Captain,

Nice, honest post - and I can relate to all these triggers. re. point (v) this is an interesting one...

When I look back at my life, gambling has been by far the most destructive/counter-productive thing I have ever done. Yet, when I indulge it often gives me this feeling of being empowered, involved - like I have some purpose. I will be aimless, dis-satisfied and detached in my every-day affairs, and gambling offers some perverse way of making me feel like I'm doing something about it.

That's the cruel nature of the beast though... I cannot, and will not, go back there.

Good luck mate

D123

Day 18

take time to reflect

the future may not be what you expect

but don't live in the past

don't live life too fast

do what makes you happy not sad

anything that makes you happy can't be bad

and whether alone or as a team

never give up on your dream

captain.

Fella so glad to see your still providing food for thought, I do believe that by engaging our brains in thinking, self debating we remain somewhat in the land of rational thinking.

I reckon if you asked a non compulsive gambler to paint a picture of the compulsive gambler, they would be way off the mark, It astounds me the folk i see through my GA room

from high end military, legal professionals, accountants and many other professional folk who every day by and large are normal rational members of the conscientious public.

Each of us to a man have a switch, a trigger which when we gamble makes us irrational, compulsive and through this behavior the results the same.

destruction of our rational self.

So keep putting it on the chart my friend i believe it helps beyond measure.

As for counting, a fellow compulsive gambler said to me its like the scene from forest gump, when he runs.

Asked why??

he simply says " I just felt like running"

he views it as each day he adds its still running, for us why turn it off??

recovery is bespoke.

and there may be no cure, but there is a way to guarantee winning.

abstain and maintain.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning captain

Echo what Duncan says the food for thought u bring with ur honesty is priceless , the quote u made bout been a professional gambler would av been a good idea apart from the fact ur a compulsive gambler Made me smile I often thought like that over my 26 years and believe me it took along time to work out that it could never happen

With us having many relapses does that put us in a better position for the pitfalls that lie ahead to someone who has stayed gamble free right through out their recovery , for me it doesn't matter I take my hat off to anyone who can achieve that , what it does give for us all is that between us all we av a wealth of knowledge to help others

Maybe thats the answer to ur question why u post daily feeling ur just goin through the motions deep down subconciously u r helping others , I firmly believe u av a gift and its great to see u pass it on , I certainly av benefited from ur posts it inspires me makes me sit up and think

Not bad for a compulsive gambler , just shows the outside world who typically stereotype us all as one

Castle2

Day 19

thanks for posts Dunc and Castle very complimentary and great you appreciate my posts so much.

Day 20

Still living like a robot, flat and lifeless. go to work, go home, follow the same routine, havent felt up or down for a while. Gambling gave me highs and lows, allowed me to feel emotion and escape and be somebody for short periods.

But I know it isnt the answer. But I dont think there is an answer. I have spent so much time over the years considering how to improve my life and spend my time differently but I am what I am. I dont have many interests. I do everything I need and want to do and still have much spare time.

I've been told dealing with boredom is one of the big challenges to quitting gambling. I've been dealing with the boredom for a couple of years now. It doesnt get any easier. Latterly I was only spending average 1 hour per day gambling and some of that at lunchtimes weekdays so after watching all TV I want to watch, doing gym work or running, wallking, doing house chores and gardening, I still have circa 25 hours per week to fill which becomes some combination of reading, watching TV I dont really want to watch, looking up stuff on here or other parts of internet.

Gambling took over big chunks of my life when ability to participate in sport reduced, I have gradually taken away the time spent gambling. I am not left with anything much.

I am not depressed, just realistic and philosophical. Wish I could turn the clock back but I cant so can only see this flat life cycle continuing. Life without gambling is only better if gambling was causing the problem in the first place.

Day 22

Gambled today in control. Conscious decision but driven by stress and boredom. Its not the long term answer but as ever being honest on here.

Hi Captain,

Thanks for your post on my diary, very much appreciated and nice to get instant support on this forum when needed.

Whilst I do not always agree with your stance on recovery at times I do admire your honesty.

I can relate to the boredom and how you may miss the 'buzz' that you got from gambling, as you do not have many other interests that fill the void.

The compulsion to gamble is akin to an alcoholic longing for that first drink. The problem for me is once that first bet has been placed I am back in that dream world where I lose all logical thought processes and any sense of normality.

I which I had more self-control, but I know personally that I can never control my gambling - never.

I really appreciate your words of support and like you say, all recovery is bespoke in a way. I just wish I could do what Duncs and Gazza have managed. I however cannot reveal my problem to my other half, which I imagine has helped both of them in being able to focus their respective recoveries....

I hope you find your correct path, as I know only too well just how hard it can be.

Keep strong my friend

Ade

Getting the right recovery strategy isnt easy. I know gambling isnt the answer long term but after gambling this week I have my 'mojo' back, feel more alive, am more confident, better around other people and my work performance has improved.

I heard about an old football coleague who died suddenly earlier this week, two years older than me. Life is too short.

I need to stop gambling to pay off my massive debts but in doing so my health and well being suffers...

Like anyone trying to deal with an addiction, cold turkey is difficult. Say there were around 10 types of gambling I did 5 years ago. Now there are only 2. Maybe continuing to recover by reducing the frequency of my gambling on these 2 types is the way ahead, such that as with other types, eventually I am able to stop naturally.

Certainly forcing cold turkey and counting day after day is having more negative effect than positive on my life so I need to review my strategy.

Hi Captain,

Hope you are well. Can I just ask a couple of questions with regard to your latest gamble.

Did you win or lose?

Does it matter whether you win or lose?

Does just the act of gambling make you feel better?

Are you likely to gamble again?

Did you feel in total control?

Hope these questions don't offend. It's just that I would be interested to know the answers as they are the questions I asked myself recently when I gambled.

Keep strong my friend.

All the best

Ade

Cheers Captain for your post. I can utterly understand your way of thinking for I thought like that for decades. I loved gambling so much, the thrill that is. It's not easy giving up, I'll not lie to you, but you've got to keep chipping away at it. You will have moments of extreme clarity about the harm gambling has done to you, you will also have moments of extreme determination too. Yet, you will also have feelings of complacency, denial and 'f**k it' moments where you'll tell yourself this giving up is a 'load of s**t' and I'll just have a 'little bet like everyone else. These are the 'moments' you must expect and prepare for, when we all lose that sense of determination.

Life without gambling eh? I bet it feels like life without meaning or at least it did for me. You have to find your way to overcome this but I guarantee you one thing, it'll never feel as great as gambling until you put distance between yourself and that last bet.

20 odd days without a bet is an incredible achievement. those first few weeks are the toughest, they'll break the best of men. Other people hand over their finances and this helps with their urges, those who can't hand over their urges are either too proud or still harbour a part of them who can't let go and chooses to gamble. Both are heading for a fall. This addiction is powerful and nasty, treat it lightly at your peril. Yet there are people winning this fight by taking it one day at a time and choosing, or by having the choice taken from them not to gamble.

I wish you well Captain, you're not alone in what you're thinking and feeling, it's perfectly normal and part of the course. Choose wisely and good luck, although if you do choose wisely then you'll never need such things as luck again.

Keep strong

Stve

Gambled today and lost what I won earlier in the week. Was bound to happen. As usual my mentality was 'if I can't win I may as well lose it all'. So many times this has happened. I make a selection to win a race then pick other selections and the original one wins. I am not only a compulsive gambler also a compulsive winner. I do what I can to win for a period and if I win that's fine if I'm not winning I subconsciously then put on bets which are likely to lose to lose all my money and just put an end to it, put me out of misery. I am a lost cause, I can't live without gambling but can't handle it when I gamble.

Captain,

Just logged on here this morning and read this post. Sorry to hear you're having a tough time - sounds like you're feeling really down about where gambling has left you once again.

I will refer to an earlier comment I made to you. The only way I personally can conquer this thing is complete abstinence; evidently you find such an approach leaves you feeling aimless, bored, detached, and without any excitement in your life. As I said previously, perhaps you've never given the complete abstinence route enough of a go. It may not take a week, a month, even a year - it could take longer, but for me it can be the only option.

Gambling has beaten you up, and spit you out over and over and over again. The definition of madness is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting some different outcome. As you know, I relate to all the points you make about quitting - I never have this wonderful epiphany moment where all is well. What I can and must do though, is constantly remind myself of the alternative - which is simply not viable.

Good luck mate, keep posting

D123

Captain,

I've not posted on your page before but i read your diary from time-to-time.

I can relate to your last post.

when i was in my last gambling frenzy i was desperate to lose-my bets became bigger and more outrageous, hell, i didn't even look to see if they had come up.

When i was cleaned out and had no source of credit, I knew then that i needed some serious help.

Prior to this i thought that i could stay in control...sadly, I couldn't

gazza

My battle continues as to whether I can abstain from Gambling or not. In the midst of this, I still cannot get my head around the concept of a gambler watching sport without a bet on it.

Before Sky I gambled on horses and football, that was it, and mostly in control.

Since Sky came around in 1990, there has been probably 100 times more sport available to watch than there was before that. For me, a combination of not being able to play sport any more plus the invention of Sky meant I spent more time watching. Firstly only Football, then migrating to Tennis and Golf, sports I had some interest in before Sky but the interest increased based on increased coverage. It didnt take long before I was gambling on every sporting event I watched. My logic of gambling say £50 on a golfer gave me 8 hours of viewing over a weekend versus £50 on a horse gave me 3 minutes. Also I believed I had more knowledge of sports bets and could be more successful.

At that point in time I was losing money overall but not ALL my money and other things in my life were unaffected.

My weekend sports bets really didnt cause me a problem. Stress and boredom at work were the triggers to gambling on horses and dogs through the week in an out of control fashion.

But since the early 1990s, with a very few exceptional times, when I try to watch sport without a bet on it, it just seems a waste of time. Golfers just hit a ball around a course, putt it in the hole, somebody wins, tennis players hit a ball around a court, footballers kick a ball a round a pitch. There has to be emotion felt by the viewer. My experience is that non-gamblers watching sport ALWAYS want someone to win - I'm not sure why except when they are actually a lifelong supporter of a team, but its like they need to feel by that person or team winning, they also win, so they get some sort of satisfaction. Not sure where this obsession to always pick someone to support comes from, never had that myself.

Only until the age of about 14 did I watch sport for the joy of it, and that was primarily to then attempt to copy and emulate sports stars myself.

Now if I start to watch sport without a bet on it, I just think about what the odds are, what I could have bet on, think about it as a wasted opportunity, think what I would have bet on, start hoping my selection is going to be wrong, conclude that it is all pointless watching it if I havent bet on it just to try and prove I wouldnt have won.

If a gambler has never bet on a particular sport and has always just enjoyed watching it, I get that bit.

But I dont get how an ex-gambler who used to bet on a sport can watch it without thinking about the odds, what they would have selected etc. And as for Horse Racing, how anyone can watch a horse race 'just for the spectable' I'll never know. Sports events have been around for a long time with many of them only recently having increaed coverage in gambling. Horse racing (and dog racing ) exist purely to gamble on, unless you are actually involved as an owner, jockey, stable staff etc.