Life With Sports Bets Only

Cap,

I agree with Rachel's post. Your business is your business and there is no need to tell people at work. Personally, I don't think we should ever tell anyone. I think this act is purely selfish and designed only to make ourselves feel better. The ones we are telling cannot understand and become very upset and beside themselves with worry. I confessed to my wife once about losing a few hundred pounds through gambling and whenever we have a fight she still brings it up. I have paid this money back and far, far more but it will never be enough. Two hundred and fifty quid is nothing to me and my irrational gamblers mind but that is a lot of money to my wife and she just doesn't get why I would bet this and not spend it on the family.

You are talking about thousands and thousands of pounds and your work colleagues will only judge you. Anyway, who knows what your future will bring. You may receive a letter in the post tomorrow telling you that some old dear left everything to you in her will and your mortgage will finally be paid off. Keep your business private. Everyone has secrets perhaps your work colleagues get up to far worse than you.

Tomso.

Thanks for replies on my post about whether to tell work colleagues or not - I think you are right re not telling anybody at all Tomso, certainly wish I hadnt told close family and my mate. There was no benefit, quite the opposite.

No one else but a CG understands the addiction and the mindset and how you lose all value of money and think nothing of gambling huge amounts on events you know nothing about or which are based on pre-programmed results, over and over again for years without learning your lesson. No-one else but a CG understands how you can place a bet knowing if it doesnt win you have no way of paying the mortgage that month. No one else but a CG understands how you can steal money and borrow money under false pretences just to feed a habit.

But on the other hand I'm not ashamed of being a compulsive gambler, not many in life are perfect and all have their regrets, faults, character stains etc.

And if an alcoholic or drug addict confessed to me I wouldnt look down on them or judge them. But maybe thats only because of my own problems. Maybe if I had no addiction problems and was sitting pretty with all in the garden rosy I wouldnt understand how someone else could ruin their life due to an addiction.

Yo,

I agree with one and all. Your business mate and by telling folk can come to bite you on the b*m one day .

No one at my work knows and I know that it would do me a lot of harm if it came out.

As for sitting pretty hmmmmmm recon most people have secrets , problems ect ect .

Really wonder how many out off a hundred are really sitting pretty .

Shiny xxx

Hi captain

Def agree with not telling work I had the same thoughts but didn't go through with it for me it has to come down to trust so only handful know can never tell my parents as the only word they would listen too would be gambler which is associated with a bad person would be no benefit to my recovery at all just hinder it

That's why this site is so important I need the support and need people to understand I wouldn't last a minute on my own I am sure u feel the same

Castle2

Hello Cap,

Firstly, thank you for your civil reply to my last post on your diary.

Just to add to your last concern. It is a personal decision and there is a lot to take into consideration. I have told a couple of friends and family and have received support. As I am single and decided it was best for me to hand over my financials... ie a new bank card so I couldn't go online, I went to my sister. It is working a treat and is of little trouble to my sis, who just gets money out as I request. But to do this, I obviously had to explain.

For me I made the right choice in my situation.

As for work colleagues... now some are going to squirm here... I chose to tell my boss... nobody else. This was a decision based on a need for me to have things out in the open for my own recovery. It was not a decision I took lightly, but for me it was, again, the right one. In saying this, I know my boss well and I expected an understanding, non judgmental response, which I received. Nothing more is said, except for the odd.. " How's it going? "... I am very good at my job and so could trust that it would not impact on my future. But the main point to my telling you this is, the environment in which you work in is obviously vital. I am fortunate and for me I can see it was the right decision... but I am probably in a 1% minority regarding this workplace situation.

As with many things regarding this addiction... as previously stated, each to his or her own.

Once again, I wish you continued success.

Jon

10 weeks of abstinence from random. Target in my mind is 100 days on 4th October.

I had latterly only been spending an hour a day on random before abstaining but the last 10 weeks have made me realise how much time I spent thinking about it, looking forward to my 30 mins at lunchtime and 30 mins after work and using it as an escape from reality.

Without it there is no escape and the realities of life are all too clear. My robotic existence continues but the abstinence continues also - for financial reasons only. If not for the inevitable financial hit, I'd rather still have my two 30 minute sessions every day.

Hi captain,

I can understand where you come from, though I continue to feel that your dancing with the devil. This is your choice of course and I respect that.

For what its worth I am starting to feel a real inner strength from having no real escape from the realities of my life. Its hard to explain.

My reality is go to work, get stressed, come home, write about it, go to Tesco's or go for a run or go for a swim, come home watch tv, get bored, go to bed..get up.. repeat. Its an ordinary and somewhat robotic existence.. but now its devoid of gambling and binge drinking and other self-destructive stuff and in a way I can't quite explain..it is better, it is.

Regards... S.A

Forgive me for jumping in, but I really like S.A's words here Captain.

As I've told you many times before, my life often feels boring, dull and mundane without my vices (gambling, smoking, drugs etc.). The easy way out is to crumble - claim my life somehow cannot be stimulating without them, and let them back in (even if just a couple of cigs a day, or a bet on football on a Saturday).

But that doesn't work. That's the easy way out... and I'll ultimately remain reliant on them. And this is why S.A's words are so apt: you have to be brave, weather the bad times before the good times come along. Like the fella from Shawshank Redemption, you may have to crawl through a river of sh** to reach freedom.

I have never prescribed how you should manage your recovery (however much I disagree with it) but my inclination is that you've never completely abstained for long enough to learn to happily exist without gambling. It might take months, years (or even decades) but my suspicion is that you'd eventually feel some of the inner-strength and satisfaction SA is starting to feel now.

D123

Thanks D123, Yes you are another like SA who confirms life is mundane and you are consistent in what you tell me about the length of time I need to abstain for to feel the true benefit being an indefinite period.

Hope I do feel the inner strength and peace at some point, and hopefully sooner rather than later. I'm not going back to random gambling, however much I miss it, as thats not the answer. Hopefully something will change so that my robotic existence in interuppted by something self-fulfilling which is not in the category of a vice.

If you cannot attack at one end, you have to defend at the other.

Cap,

Love your diary. Your diary is the only one that would make me post from work. Anyway, I wish you would open your mind sometimes to what people are saying. You are clearly an intelligent person but interpret what people say in a different way to how I perceive it.

S.A. and D123 do not have mundane lives. S.A. comes home and goes for a run, a swim or simply does nothing and watches T.V. People all over the world, who do not gamble, do this and love their lives. We do not become boring when we stop gambling. The gambling demon inside us, just like the nicotine demon inside smokers, will try to convince us that life will never be the same and that all the things that we once enjoyed will not be the same without the buzz of gambling or without smoking. This is all complete rubbish and down to state of mind.

I went with my friend once to an unbelievable football match which ended 4 - 3. It was a very important game for both sides and was played in front of a large, vociferous crowd. A game that will be remembered for years and years to come. In the pub afterwards we were all commenting on how good the game was and my pal, who didn't have time to get to the bookies before k.o, blurted out how he didn't enjoy watching games without having money on it. Everybody looked at him like he was a crazy person. This game had everything any spectator would ever ask for but my pal was a hopless gambling addict and he had allowed his addiction to convince him that he could not have fun or enjoy himself without first of all placing a bet. I believe you are just like him. Great things probably happen in your life all the time but you are blind to them.

I would love to read a post from you one day telling us that you are going to try something new, something that you have never tried before. We all need to start living again. I never stop looking for something new to experience because that is what life is all about. In less than a month I run my first marathon. People still ask me why I can be bothered.

Tomso.

Interpretation is always an interesting topic Tomso - based on their descriptions, I do feel SA and D123 have mundane lives and I take re-assurance from that that I am not the only one on here in that position!

Having said that, many diaries on here describe what they see as great gambling free lives and the activities they see as fulfilling dont appeal to me.

I'd love to run a marathon like you, play football again etc etc but as you will have read from my previous posts, permanent injury does not permit that for me. Following forced cease of sports participation, I just havent identified other stuff to make my life more exciting or rewarding.

But a message I'm also trying to put across is that the amount of time I've spent gambling has reduced to not a lot in the last couple of years prior to my current period of abstinence. And so although over the years my time spent gambling blinded my mind in thinking about partaking in other activities, since my recovery started in 2008 and even in some times before then, I simply cant identify other things I want to spend my time on. This has perhaps slowed my recovery as I didnt have a carrot dangling of anything to aim for if I stopped or reduced gambling.

So for me the scenario of abstinence creating time and a new life chapter for many doesnt apply to all and myself, D123 and SA are examples of those whose lives are likely to stay unaltered for some time.

I just need to see how long it takes for me to catch up the other two in feeling 'inner peace'.

Hi captain... interesting to read what everyone has to say. You are a master at sparking a good debate! 😉

Perhaps one of the issues here is that after work many of us sit down and watch the Tv and what do we watch??.. amongst a lot of the dross (in my opinion) we watch programmes about peoples lives, people doing amazing things and going to amazing places and living seemingly amazing lives. In our sub-conscious perhaps we compare and contrast and think "well I can never have that or be like that" and we seek out solace in our addiction of choice.

I think in reality though, most people, most of the time live life day by day to a familiar pattern .. which at its simplest is an endless cycle of going to work and going home from work, time with family, time in front of tv/computer, time spent eating, time spent sleeping and then In July or August we spend two weeks in the med before returning to the familiar pattern.

I don't know but my opinion is that the people we see on the telly are the exception rather than the norm. Most people follow a familiar pattern to their lives which is not that dissimilar to someone living just down the road and whilst on paper it might not seem very exciting, like others have said its a question of perception. Arguably people without addictions are quite happy with their lot. Most of my family members are good examples of this.

Anyway ive rambled on your diary Captain. Hope your having a good day. Regards... S.A

Good post SA and this discussion between a few of us has got me thinking -

there is this expectation and dare I say it pressure to be able to proclaim that life without gambling is so much better and even described as wonderful. This comes from the mouths and words of those who have abstained for a long time and who as part of their recovery have had their eyes opened to new hobbies and revealed a new person within themselves or regained the original or old person who had been hiding behind gambling.

Maybe one can give up gambling and nothing else in life changes and that is OK . Maybe with the exception of the time spent gambling one was living their life as best they could anyway. Even to the point that although gambling provided a drug and an escape and a buzz, when one learns to live without these (some say false?) feelings, although the stress and worry of loans and debts and the like disappears, nothing else changes but there is nothing wrong with that.

So maybe I am allowing proclamations of others to drive how I think I should be or will feel at some time, when actually, to do nothing different and not feel 'like a new person' is just confirmation that most if not all of the unhappiness, frustration, lethargy or apathy in my life has not been caused by gambling. Gambling was an enjoyable hobby I couldnt control which in time was also used to escape from stress and boredom but not as a replacement or to disguise any of the other above feelings.

For years I got up on a Saturday and Sunday morning and couldn't wait for the first dog race, usually 11.00 at Romford. Spent the time clock watching, the excitement and urge growing minute by minute. Glad to report I don't feel this way now and never want to have that feeling again.

But instead I find myself sitting here typing at 11.00 on a Sunday morning with absolutely B*****r all to do for the rest of the day. Reading the Sunday papers and going for a walk will fill some time but my life choices and my years spent gambling have left me with so much emptiness and nothing of any reward or excitement or fulfillment to fill the time.

The penny has dropped though. I now realise most in recovery don't have great lives either, they just post it in a positive way and try and convince themselves and others that their lives are good when bottom line is they are just doing anything they can to fill the time and avoid urges and a return to gambling.

Maybe I should post 'having a wonderful Sunday, will be great to read the papers and go for a walk' but that wouldn't be honest with myself or anyone else reading.

Not going back to gambling but subscribing to the fact there's nothing wrong with admitting life is just normal and not wonderful. My recovery won't be helped by dressing up my existence to be better than it actually is.

Yo,

Interesting post .

As I said to you last week , I do miss gambling .

Liked the isolation . Living on my own own can understand the boredom thing .

But this is the way I look at it , if I was told that I was diabetic and that I could never eat a cake again .

Well I would miss cakes terribly but would not have a choice, cos if i partook then i run the risk of getting very ill

Gambling is like that for me .

I hope you find something today to hold your interest ,

Also thank you for posting , I really do get a lot from what you say .

Shiny xx