Life With Sports Bets Only

Hi Captain,

"My recovery won't be helped by dressing up my existence to be better than it actually is." Correct, I agree.

I remember years ago reading this book. It was about a Japanese man who wakes up one morning to discover that his wife isn't there anymore. Now for what ever reason this man doesn't have to work for a living (the reader isn't told why) and the substantive part of the book is about this mans daily walks to the park pontificating with himself about his life, his past and what on earth has happened to his wife.

What made this book so compelling for me is that I spent the entire read waiting for something to happen and it never did!! The end of story after several months of park walks is that the man discovers that his wife has left him for another man. Book ends.

Somehow I really enjoyed the read, cos I could imagine being that man, pottering about thinking and wondering, partly content in my habits and routines and yet partly frustrated that their must be more ..surely??

My best guess is that "for some" and after a decent stretch gambling free, their lives "feel" significantly better because they settle back into a happy family life. Isn't it the case that most people absorb themselves into bringing up children and the "joy"they get in life is in seeing the "joy" in the little ones faces as they star in the school play (as an example)??

I think that for the rest of us stopping gambling will inevitably leave a greater void than those who have closer family ties. As you have said yourself stopping gambling in one sense only takes us back to the reasons that led to compulsive gambling in the first place. If the issues are still not dealt with its gonna be harder to stay stopped.

For me, although I am in a better place than I was I am still in some respects waiting for some sort of eureka moment when I finally get it and can join the seemingly happy people in the world. But like the man in the book that day never seems to come and in the meantime I carry on day by day coping but not really thriving. Addiction still rides close to me despite sometimes hundreds of days without a gamble.

Thanks for your support. Like you say, we do have some commonality..S.A

P.s Just my thoughts at this moment in time. Sometimes I re-read my thoughts and disagree with them lol

I really struggle with this debate. There is no doubt in my mind that gambling does not bring me joy. Yes, I relapse from time to time but these are usually for other reasons. I do not miss the day to day drama that is gambling. Win lots of money, feel overjoyed, only to lose it all and more the next day. I think some are in denial. If we all loved gambling so much and it brought so much joy into our lives acting as a favourite pass time and hobby then why quit. We have all chosen to quit because it eventually brought us nothing but misery and destroyed our self esteem. I am one of the fortunate ones others on here have lost everything and everyone in their lives. I cannot understand why some still think of it with fondness.

Being happy is a state of mind. For many, the thought of going just 24 hrs without gambling appears impossible. By just achieving this goal they can experience enormous joy and self-pride.

Tomso.

Tomso - simple answer for me on your question of why quit- because gambling has brought me financial ruin as I couldn't control it.

But I will never let my great memories of fantastic gambling times and the highs of great wins fade.

Wish nothing more than if I could somehow control all gambling types to reasonable amounts of loss but I can't and just wish I had realised and admitted that much sooner. But I am where I am and my recovery is where I want it to be.

Tomso - an analogy has come to mind for me since my post last night -

at one point I played in a football team which finished 2nd bottom of the league for two years running - so a lot of defeats and a lot of frustration and a lot of questioning ' is this worth it?', but every week and month hoping things would improve. Do I wish I hadnt played with that team - No, because I met a great bunch of lads, I can remember a couple of great cup upsets we achieved and being player of the year and the (few) goals I scored. But two years was enough and I moved on.

So similar to gambling, overall not a great experience results wise, but I remember the good parts with fondness. Big difference of course is that the 2 years playing football with that team was a short period of time which didnt affect my life for years like the financial fallout of gambling has but a reasonable analogy for me nonetheless.

Morning captain

Some more great debating getting people thinking and helping with their recoveries , myself i can count on one hand the big wins I had and I also remember blowing the lot very soon after the only memories I have inspire me to never go back in truth it brought me only misery but do agree it was a massive part of my life which is very very difficult to fill

It works for you though and that's all that matters

Castle2

Thanks for post Castle.

I am absolutely delighted with my progress. I was just thinking this morning that it is 9 weeks since I had an urge. It is difficult to follow a rigid recovery routine which means I need to remember to do so many things and think in a new way every day. I have made a few errors which create risk, but only a few and none have led to an urge.

I am pleased to report that I believe the uncontrollable urge is behind me. All compulsive gamblers will know how that urge feels. Stress and boredom were my biggest triggers but the number of days over the years where I didnt feel either but went out at lunchtime and before I knew what had happened I had been to the bank and the bookies and lost £1000 in 30 minutes. Or left work intending to go straight home but same result. On those occasions the urge just built up suddenly within me and I couldnt control it and just had to gamble. For me that was the most frightening part of this addiction, the complete overtaking of the body by a demon forcing you to gamble and lose money.

I am confident without being complacent that I have killed the demon.

Yo,

I was that person. Wondered how my feet took somewhere my brain was saying it would not go.

9 weeks is a fantastic achievement .

Killed the beast , ummmmmmm

Not so sure we can kill the beast . I as I have said before but do not know if you have read . Believe gambling is like the feed me plant in the little shop of horrors movie .

By not gambling ( or random gambling) in your case , it shrinks . The urges diminish ...........

It then lies dormant inside waiting , for that first morsel , then it grows , well you know the rest .

Shiny xx

Thanks Shiny - Yes, think you're right the demon isnt dead just dormant, hope it stays that way....I've gone 11 weeks without random gambling but the 9 weeks without an uncontrolable urge during that time almost feels like a greater achievement. If I dont have the urge I cant act on it.

Full of remorse and regret for so many things over the years, bad life decisions and time and money spent gambling. Why could I not have been stronger and taken the right decisions? Why did it have to take so long to admit I am a compulsive gambler, and why has it taken 5 years since that point to get where I wanted to be?

You only get one life, its not a rehearsal and the last 20 odd years have passed me by. Glad I'm at point I want to be recovery wise but looks like I will spend the rest of my life in regret.

Yo,

Good morning 🙂

Regrets ....... As mr smiler used to say . Why fill your imaginary ruck sack with a heavier load than you need to . Life's tough enough . Being as addict , fighting all the behaviours that go with it tough enough .

Holding on to those regrets , does it achieve anything ?

Maybe just maybe it helps us to assess the poor choices we made in the past and through that helps us make better choices for our future . But once those lessons are learnt what purpose do they serve other than weigh us down.

Shiny xxxx

Yes Shiny you are right, make better choices for future (if choices arise). Think over my recovery period in general and the more I have reduced time spent gambling and particularly during abstinence from random gambling recently it really just highlights more and more how empty my life is and based on where I am and the age I am and circumstances, opportunities are limited to say the least.

Have to say also since stopping random gambling my confidence has decreased. Yes it was false confidence based on being able to perform better at work and have more general enthusiasm because of winning money at a lunchtime but nevertheless thats a negative impact of abstinence.

Hi Captain... this is the thing, in taking a behaviour away, in your case random gambling, it leaves a void or to put it in a more positive light it leaves space for something new and a new way of thinking. But like you suggest it doesn't happen overnight.

I often sit and feel so frustrated at how my life is but am determined to stay the course because the alternative is to return to the past and what became so destructive to every aspect of my life.

Correct me if i'm wrong but I think your a 40 something, which I am too. Maybe a sense of mid-life crisis here. I stress the word "mid" cos there is still lots of life left to change course a bit or a lot. Deep down I think that small changes can make a big difference. Time and patience I think. It is not easy I do not find it easy. Regards... S.A

Agree what you say here S.A. and you are right I am 47 and I admit to being in a bit of mid-life crisis which as per my previous posts is down to bad life decisions and not just gambling addiction and regrets in that sphere.

Hopefully my life will present new opportunities but I do feel I've been in groundhog mode for years and not just because of gambling and there are any number of changes and things which would be possible but I believe are limited to those of lesser years i.e. 20s and early 30s.

Hi captain,

I believe its never to late . It's not over till the fat lady sings.

I got divorced at 40 after 18 years , my Mum retrained

At 65 . My fiance is following his dream of being an outdoor instructor at 47 after being in the building game for 30 years, my friends mum passed her driving test at 50 I could go on forever .

No fat lady singing yet

Take care

Blondie

Hi Captain, SC induced reply again.... so the words "Salt" and " Take it with a pinch of..." springs to mind.

I too... like yourself and SA find myself in "Groundhog Day", and I also find myself delaying action to do something about it. Are we waiting for something to happen to us? Do we expect things to change without actually having to do something..?.... " I went for a bike ride....whoopee... but now still find myself on the comp ...playing bridge... going to work... coming home...... playing bridge... etc

Here we go.... I am lonely... and whilst really... and I mean... REALLY... the life and soul of fun and laughter at work, and really good at my job... I find myself at home and lonely. I have an excuse.... All my "teenage years " friends went to UNI... as did I. All My Uni friends dispersed... I came home... but nobody else did... ( one of my "in my 20's regrets") I found myself at 25 not really knowing anybody... with no idea how to make new friends... I am now 49 and in the same boat... Am I going to find myself at 60 in the same boat..? All I know is that I will if I don't do something about it... not sure what to do... but I must find something.... I have waited 25 years for something to happen.

There is a marriage and another relationship failed in that time... both of which knocked the s**t out of me...( excuses... excuses...)

Nothing Changes if nothing Changes... so true.

Anyway... I am sure there are lots of gamblers out there that are lonely... either cause... or effect... or both.

Got to jump into the pool... not just stick your toe in now and again.

Hope you continue to succeed.

Jon

PS:There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

-- (Terry Pratchett, The Truth)