My battle

Well , just seen a post commenting on , people that post then , don't reply or add to that post ...

Well thought I'd reply to my own post . I posted something on the 12/02/14 and can't even remember what I posted that night . I deleted it the day after , I really wish I hadn't cause that was the night I stopped gambling . Would have liked to remember what I put that night cause its a blur ... Currently 31 days gamble free since that night . Other post says remember your last bet , I really do ..

In the last 31 days I've actually wrote my own diary on my phone , and it's unreal what you write , but it really does help . I look back to what I wrote 31, 30 even 20 days ago and it's a constant reminder of what I did that night , every thought I've had about gambling is there.

My gambling was sports , mainly football , but also loved horse racing bets . What I've had to do in the last 31 days is train myself to actually watch football or racing without gambling on it . I used to love watching football but over the last few years can't remember many games I watched were I hadn't bet on it .. W/D/L or BTTS , under/ over goals .. Corners , bookings ive bet on the lot . And the bets I placed In play as well.

The last 31 days were hard from live football to scores on a Saturday afternoon coming through, mesmerised hoping for a team to score or a Both to score .. Crazy .

I've literally had to change channels numerous times over the last few weeks cause I'd be predicting what was gonna happen and had to swop channel so I didn't act on my impulse. Was wrong most of time anyway .

The last week was Cheltenham , I loved gambling on Cheltenham , 18 years since the last time I didn't (foot and mouth year aside ) . But this year not a penny and I'm so proud of myself . I even watched majority of races which was my own torture but i didnt bet , I didn't succumb .

This is still the start of my battle but I am determined , anyway just thought I'd drop a line cause I started a diary and for whatever reason , ashamed most probably , I deleted it , which was wrong !!

so this is my update to a blank diary !!

nothing to be ashamed about ,pal we all done these things that why we on here, im still trying to get my head around were we stupid or just addicted or both , ive come to the conclusion when we first started gambling before we got addicted we must of been stupid but after becoming addicted it doesnt matter weather we are stupid or not because then we are addicted and cannot stop, that is until it is too late and too much damage has been done , and then we have to force ourselves to stop before we wipe ourselves out completley , which is when we find ourselves here. sorry for my rammble something i read sometimes triggers a thought about our situations and i just have write it down i suppose to let it out to help me move on , and hopefully yourself aswell. i think though you are doing really well , to sit infront of the telly where you used to place a bet on something you are watching , i dont think i would be so strong walking into a casino, or putting an online site up, although you hav e gone longer than me and well done foe going so long, i think it is just good to write down our thoughts about how we feel about gambling , as it clears our heads, gives almost self counciling and counciling to others and from others when we post on each others diarys, so weather you write on here or on your phone it does not matter either way your getting through it one day at a time and well done you for that keep going , i will not be a victim to this addiction , and i will not gamble because i cannot stop

Back again , this time determined and hopeful , posted on the overcoming thread but gonna keep a diary as well ..

My big thing is football I have dabbled on online casinos /poker and games but thankfully didn't grab me like football betting did .

Football on tonight but I won't gamble , I won't watch it for starters, just to avoid temptation to start with , one step at a time . Just check result later , shame cause it's probably going to be a good game but that's the price I have to pay ...

Sorry Just posted this on different thread but I would like to keep it in my diary as well for me mainly

. Well im back again , did well last year nearly 100 days and then World Cup started and was sucked well and truly back in . On and off since then and was going well until Xmas more preciously Boxing Day , just a small footy bet no harm , but I won , so been betting most days since then . Building up knocked back down but never completely out which still gave me the buzz the chase to build it back up , in play bet here, there , everywhere. could not watch a single football match without betting on it before and during game ,even if they won I was straight back on phone doing another in play bet .. Then the inevitable crash and burn, I'd have loved the FA cup results this weekend if I'd not lost so much money on them , united will win this , they'll defo score in play bet , city will get it back , in play bet, chelsea won't lose , in play bet, Liverpool will win , 100% score, in play bet, I love football but betting has ruined that, I can't watch a game now purely for enjoyment without thinking what I could bet on. Hide it from the mrs well also , can we watch a film ? Errm just finishing this game love , it's a cracker. So she has to sit through it or go on iPad , pathetic , Ha it's only some Saturday rubbish like deportivo v elche but because I've got money on a goal or corners it's now of interest , so mad at myself . ( hate Spanish football always get stung on it chasing back Saturday afternoon loses )
I have self excluded from my online accounts but I think it's will power more than anything that will be the key , here's hoping..
Day 3 for me ,

Day 4 , didn't gamble last night which was good seeing as football was on , didn't watch the game , just checked result afterwards which helped . Wish I could have watched it , but had to avoid the temptation ..

Day 5

no bet last night , knew football was on so avoided it and kept busy with other things , watched some drivel on tv , then checked results , missed some good games in terms of entertainment with sounds of it but that's the way it's got to be for these early days .

Thanks for the post Pk.

Well done on 5 days,these 1st few days are definitely the toughest,breaking the habit.
Your being wise avoiding temptation in these early days.
Make plans for the weekend if poss,I've found keeping busy really helps,as boredom more than anything is a major thing for me.

I'm at the point now where I don't mind watching any sport,it really has sunk in that if I picked every winner,got every correct score right it would never be enough because I could not stop,ever.
That 1st bet is the one to avoid.

Keep strong,all the best trigger

Day 6 , didn't check the fixtures from last night and am refusing to check tomorrows , money will stay in my pocket today and I won't give a single penny of it to them !!

ready for the 1st big hurdle thats around the corner ....

Well done on 6 days Pk , one week tomorrow, keep going and stay strong.

Suzanne xx

Day 7 Saturday

already up with the youngest two and won't lie the urges are there , for the first time properly this week I feel like I need to have a bet , just £5 , what's £5 ? it's Saturday it's the norm , wake up check the fixtures , the odds , then place accy after accy , I actually place them online but then write them all out and proceed to sit there with my Saturday afternoon family , jeff and the lads and actually tick and cross off when a team scores or BTTS to score comes in . Waiting min by min for goals and even placing in play bets and In play accys on them, reading that back it seems sad but for me it's the norm , I get transfixed on the tv , my kids playing in the room but they've not got my full concentration , jeff has . Frightening ..

Then when the afternoon would be done , tea time live game , money on it before and during , then no doubt the Spanish games after that would be bet on . My wife works nights and tonight she is working so would be very easy for me to watch them tonight with no fuss ..

I haven't checked the fixtures this morning and am playing with these two , I know of a couple of games , who my team man Utd are playing and the big game tonight which should be decent but as for this afternoon I aim to be busy , I aim to avoid jeff and

just check the results tonight ..

I know that £5 would not be just £5 and if I win what ? If I win £60-£90 what then , no way it would be withdrawn . It would disappear with much much more than the £5 I started with eventually I know that .and if I lost that £5 I'd have to get it back in my mind and lose a lot more than that £5 that's what I have to remember ..

Sorry for the waffle , I just needed to get my thoughts at this time down , for me to read back later , possibly even today ..

Here goes ...

Day 8

thanka for the posts , trigger , Suzanne and NT . Well Saturday came and went and am glad to say not a single penny was given to the bookie , I went out to town then watched a film with the kids in the afternoon , have to admit I did check the scores at HT on my phone . Then it was just checking the results at FT out of interest . The night time game I wanted to watch, but didn't want the in play temptation thinking there's a goal or corner or booking coming . I wanted to watch it for entertainment so I recorded it and without knowing the score watched it after I knew the game had finished .

Its just the start but it's the first little hurdle done .

Day 9

no problems yesterday and actually had no urges , haven't even Looked if there any fixtures tonight , I will not be gambling today ..