my betting diary

wp what can I say but 6 months is a massive example to many that this illness can be controlled. Massive congrats to you. Loved your last post - its your life again now. Keep that betting slip 😉 Really well done its messages like this that spur me on. All the very best to you and heres to your next 6 months of living your OWN life 🙂 Blocked.

Hi wp

Glad you found my post helpful, that has made me feel good 🙂

Congratulations on your 6 months! HIGH FIVE!!!!!!

Its a wonderful achievement, I hope to get there myself this time!

Take care,

f x

wp Cheers for the post on my diary your right about the payday loan company’s you can tell we are in a recession, they just pray on the needy, i don’t suppose the company directors can see the trouble that allot of their customers are in from their holiday homes in the Bahamas!

Just wanted to say a big WOW about your 6 months and the style in which it has been achieved. You support allot of people many of whom (me included) are in a better position financially and family wise, and that i respect.

Good luck with your new flat and just think what you could be achieving in a further 6 months time.

Great chatting this morning wp,you stay strong an focussed mate,and things wiil get better.....it took us all a long time to get where we are ,and getting back to where we want to be is going to take time as well:).Speak soon.

Seano.

Thank you all for your kind words....yes seano it was good to have a wee chat earlier....sometimes its far easier explaining verbally than typing on a wee phone....ive had a horrendous two days....yesterday having not seen the bairns for over a week i phoned the exs mother to see if i could see the little one...she kindly agreed (weve never always got on) i had a great time chasing the wee one round the garden for about an hour,supervised of course before i went to work ...anyway the ex found out and i got a right battering through texts (still wont talk to me) saying i went behind her back ,shes allegedly packed her job in now as i totally betrayed her and can never be trusted again as she only wanted me round on her say so ...think shes fell out with her mother as well....now she says im a liar,because of packing in job she wont be able to support the bairns and that i should ve been more reliable...guilt trip for myself.., anyway think its just a silly game shes playing,sincerely hope so.... im trying now to avoid any contact (give her bit space without harrassment ) for the next few days but its extremely difficult ...basically all my stupid gambling ptoblems coming back to haunt me...maybe we re just not meant to be...today i didnt bet tomorrow i will not bet we can do this 🙁

Hi Post,

Great to hear that you've had a chat with Seano.

I honestly don't think you've done a lot wrong. There your kids as well and you have a right to see them. I know it will take a while for her to forgive and forget and your probably right to give her a wide berth for a while, but you need to believe in what's true, and that's that you're a decent bloke who's personality changed whilst gambling. Your not gambling, so that only leaves a decent bloke in my eyes.

No guilt trips needed. Onwardsand upwards, because as you say, today you didn't bet, tomorrow you won't bet, we CAN do this 🙂

Stay Strong

Steve

Hi wp,

Such a sad state of affairs for you - in my eyes too (as well as yorkie) I can see you have done no wrong. As I have said before i try to see both sides of a story and perhaps then can find something constructive to say, but i do find this one hard!! What, other than good, can come from a dad playing (supervised!) in the garden for an hour with his little wee one? Have you thought about family mediation? I know you still want this relationship to work even though its not in a good way at the minute you must be thinking it was bloody good at one time!! Perhaps if you saw a mediator then access and maintenance could be arranged without the further expense of solicitors. I am sure there are family groups that can offer you some advice i know of a website called families need fathers, you may be able to find some usefull information on there.

I do think you should step back from the relationship/partner bit even if its only short term. When i had my counselling session the counsellor said that my gambling and my marriage were the same pattern of behaviour. In both cases I knew they were bad and i had to get away from them but i was always pulled back to suffer some more as if I didnt deserve any better than to be continually punished and hurt. I wander if you can see anything in that?

Your determination to carry on seeing your child/children and that of fighting your addiction can only be commended, your fighting spirit will see you through in the end. When your child is older you will look back on now and think thank god i didnt give up and carried on fighting, they grow up so quick you really have to savour every moment with them. I know you do.

Well onwards and upwards we go! Halo's firmly in position coz we are heading for the stars!! lol

keeping it real!

love linda x x

How difficult it must be for you, wp.

I agree about the space. Sometimes we can't see the wood for the trees. I don't think you need the negative stuff being said and the arguments. It isn't going to get either of you anywhere. The guilt trip is something that ex's can play, even if the partner has not been a gambler - my first husband knew exactly what buttons to press. And we're human beings so always could be something we're guilty about.

Pleas don't even listen to the accusations and if the conversation is going into a slagging match my advice is stay calm and firmly and calmly say you are not going to continue the conversation as it is not doing you or her or the children any good. Say you will talk again only if it is a calm and reasonable conversation. And end it - by putting the phone down if you have to. Don't feel guilty.

I also agree with Lindy that a mediator would be a good idea. You obviously have a good relationship with your children. I gather you don't want to go down the legal access route, but it could make all this easier for you.

This is my advice to you and it is well meant. I kow I can't know your situation, but I have had to deal with an ex who was always accusing me. As soon as I decided anough was enough and laid my boundaries down - the dynamics changed and he showed me respect. You deserve respect. Everyone does.

You are doing great and working hard on this. Don't let anyone put you down

Take care

Love Lili x

Hi wp

Jsut wanted to thank you for the 'useless piece of info' you posted on my diary.

I genuinely didn't find it useless, in fact in made sense along with what my councellor had said to me too. I really appreciate your posts. When down, there is nothing better than to see supportive posts on my diary from fellow CGs in recovery so thanks.

I really feel for you with what you are going through with trying to see your kids aswell as trying to keep everyone happy. When my ex first left she was awkward (to say the least) in terms of letting me have access to my son as she knew it was the only way she could 'get to me'. Unlike with you though we had no chance of a reconciliation and i had no desire to reconcile so I fought fire with fire. But as you are trying your best to do the right thing and work things out I can't/wouldn't advise you to do similar to me but you really can't do anymore than you are doing at the minute. I really hope things work out for you, sooner rather than later.

All the best mate.

Dave

Hi wp.

Sorry to hear mate that your having problems with your ex!

Your a father mate and it must be really hard to be able to spend only a certain amount of time with your kids(bairn).

Glad to see your staying strong on your gambling front though.Your a true inspiration on here wp...and i hope some day you and your ex will have an understanding that works well...especially for you mate!

Stay Strong.

Viggo.

Oh dear wp, so sorry to hear about your family probs, it must be tearing you apart. i wish I had the answers to repairing these rifts, but I go backwards and forwards with my daughter and she can hold my heart in her hand and squeeze so hard that I feel short of breath it hurts so much. All I can say to you is that you sound like such a decent guy caught in the spiral of destruction that we as CGs cause, I am certain if you stay away from betting then it will come good for you. I am lucky my husband is brilliant and supports me, but keep going stay strong and take comfort in the fact that we are all here for you, Love Maddie xxx

wp

Your head must be done in!

It sounds as if she is trying to make you responsible for things that are nothing to do with you. It is ridiculous for her to pass responsibility to you, for her packing in her job. There was no reason for her to do that. Did you guys have that kind of dynamic in your relationship? Where you were always the bad guy, and she would always be the long suffering victim? This is a destructive dynamic that a lot of people find themselves in. She gets to be the victim, and doesn't have to take any control of her own destiny. She also gets to shirk any personal responsibility for her own well being.

Anyway, please don't buy into that c**P. It might be helpful to read up on co-dependency, when you are considering whether it will be a healthy relationship choice for you. If she has gotten used to being the victim and having the moral higher ground, and then you change your behaviour - she might rebel against this and push and push to try and provoke you to go back to your old ways.

Anyway, Im rambling. lol! A good book on the subject is 'the games people play' by a psychiatrist named eric berne (i think). Worth a read.

Anyways, take care,

f x

Hope your shift went well today wp,good few messages of support on your diary mate......,all these folk on here see the real wp of june 2010.You stay strong mate,and i will chat to you over the weekend.

Seano.

Hi wp,

Just wanted to pop by and offer my support as it seems you are having a tough time. I'd echo what Yorkie has already said mate. You have nothing to feel guilty about and you are a top bloke. Your generosity in giving up your time to encourage many on here speaks volumes for your qualities as a person.

Hope things take a turn for the better soon mate and well done for not turning to gambling when times are tough which i think many of us have had a tendancy to do over the years.

All the best mate.

Hi wp

You say your ex is angry because she feels you went behind her back m8.Well i for one believe that it shows just how much you want to see your little one and i believe her mother can see how much you are trying to give you that chance.I hope thimgs get better for you soon kid.All the best Jeff.