my betting diary

Thanks so much for your support...breakthrough.... text says when am i off next,..monday going round in afternoon and been told im on my last chance as never shown any commitment.,find that laughable as never been given resposibilities,maybe cause never been the most confident of persons to which gambling most defo put me there but keeping comments to myself in case it kicks off...monday is a long way away yet and i know all that could change so its like my gambling one day at a time...things looking up slightly today i wont bet tomorrow i wont bet we can do this my friends 🙂

That's really good news for you wp,lets hope all goes well on Monday,you need to try and avoid any conflict between now an then though!!!.....,when you do go round try to stay calm and (within reason) eat a bit of humble pie if you feel that will help rebuild things for the longer term.....,make the effort if you get the chance to explain how much effort you have put in to stopping gambling,and explain that you are willing to put even more effort into making the relatioship work :),and last but not least by any means,if you really do love her,make sure you tell her :).I know how much your living costs are at the moment,however try your hardest not to bring any of that into the conversation,the last thought you want to plant in your ex's mind is that your more concerned about money than the family aspect of the situation.Stay strong,and if your working today have a good shift.

Seano.

Hi wp,

Just reading your last post made me wonder if your wife has ever had the opportunity to really talk about how she feels/felt about the gambling and the effect it has had on your whole family/situation?

I know from your diary she has often 'ranted' etc at & to you. Often though, partners are so busy dealing & maintaining all that has to be done in life with kids, home etc. that they really haven't looked at or accepted their hurt and also for most the lack of understanding of this damned addiction. Not many understand how(at the time)it can take such a hold on ones personality & change the person that they thought they knew & loved. Shouting is often the outcome of covering up ones real issues lurking underneath...

Sorry, waffling. What I mean is that you are doing soooo well wp and partners recovery is often lagging behind because it is so hard to understand that gambling(to the everyday person)is the reason for smashing the trust that should be, between you both.

You can only do your best my friend. You have already shown so much strength and patience with your current situation... Keep doing that... remember baby steps all add up. For me Time helps heal, helps rebuild that trust. Watching Jim build a new better life for himself & us helps that trust... bit by bit... and it appears to be working... No, I know its working 😉

Ultimately if you both want the same goal(?) You will get there.

Stay strong wp

Jackie.

Is she aware of this site/chat etc? We are here for her as well if she ever wanted to talk things through. Take care x

Hi wp,

Fingers crossed for Monday!!

Do you feel like you are treading on egg shells all the time with your ex? I am thinking, perhaps, she is controlling you maybe in defence for all the let downs when you were gambling? There is no doubt that a lot of pain was caused by the gambling and its associated issues, it could be that she is so frightened of you hurting her again that she builds this wall of defence, being awkward about your time with your child, driving a wedge between you so you wont be able to do it again. The thing is we all say that time is a great healer and she will learn to trust you again, but maybe she cant. I just wander what it would do to your recovery if say in two years time nothing has changed in that depatment? you might feel that your recovery is not getting back the things you hoped it would so therefore whats the point? Obviously the reason you are here is because primarily you want to quit gambling full stop. I am not passing the blame on to either of you, who am I to do that?, but it would be so awful if you got so far only to be knocked back again and then finally go back to the old comfort zone. Concentrate on your recovery, your visitation rights to your child and make your own life a life worth living. You are a human being with every right to a happy and fulfilling life, make that happen first do it for you, then see what others want and need from you.

Basically what i am saying is dont jump in feet first just poke your toe in and see if its cold!!

I am sure you know where I am coming from and you understand my warped way of looking at things!! lol

Take care wp onwards and upwards we are not going to gamble full stop..!

love linda x x

Hi wp

Thanks for your words of encouragement. Who would have thought such a dilemma would lead to where I am now. I doubt many GA meetings would have recommended going to Vegas as a cure to the disease! Anyway, I have no intention of giving in. Life is so much better without it. Funnily enough my wife (who still doesn't fully trust me) is at Royal Ascot today on a hen do. I feel a bit funny about her losing money! Keep going, I've read a large number of diaries and your constant encourage is awesome. All the best Russ.

Thank you seano,jac,lindy,evanru...jac i have mentioned my diary many times now but think it would cause more problems would she read it now..she is very private person and has never listened to us sharing problems elsewhere....lindy ive walked on eggshells for years now and take your points on board...likewise seano i wont do anything stupid...you are right my friends left it for wee while and got text askin if still going round tomorrow...i gave her ring and the 1 st time in ages we actually had a conversation but even then you could feel the tension...looking forward to tomorrow tho a bit nervous so to speak lol...off to work shortly so its another bet free day...today i wont bet tomorrow i wont bet we can do this folks 🙂

That was a great post from Linda,

Its so true that we need to quit for us, so that if we don't end up getting what we hoped from other people, we are still motivated by the positive changes in ourselves.

Hope you enjoy seeing the little un, and there are no more fireworks for a while!

You are doing great, we can do this, day 18 for me!

Take care,

f x

Hi wp,

Hope everything went well with the missus today?

Thinking of you mate.

Hi Post,

Just a quick message to say that I hope that everything went ok for you today.

Take Care

Stay Strong

Steve

Thanks freda,curly and yorkie....yesterday went ok...a few ground rules have been set...basically on my days off ive to commit myself more to seeing kids...had to bite my tongue there as most of my days off are spent getting overtime in to accomodate my finances :- ...she hasnt packed job in,says wouldnt accept resignation so when back at work its only on her say so to go round .her mother gonnae see to kids as per usual....off today again so says its ok to go round this afternoon...basically its her way or no way and yes totally in control (for now) 😉 today i wont bet tomorrow i wont bet we can do this folks 🙂

Hi wp,at least your making some progress,that has to be a positive for you,as we had talked about she hadn't quit her job,you will need to explain the situation with your visit to Scotland soon.....,why not ask her if she would like to go with you?.Just take the relationship one day at a time for now,and do your utmost not to argue.

Seano.

Hi wp.

Hope all works out for you now that you have some sort of understanding regarding time with your kids.Well done for keeping your cool as i'm sure you will be tested over the coming weeks/months but as long as you do your bit i'm sure you will have much more of a say in things in the coming future.

Stay strong as ever my friend!

Viggo.

hi wp, glad you've made a bit of progress with seeing the kids.

i know its not much consolation, but you are at least taking small steps in the right direction, and you continue to stay focused on a gamble free life.

well done friend!

tommi

Hey wp,

Not been on for a few days, so good to see that you have been making progress, and you will have a firmer footing for seeing the kids regularly.

As I've never had a relationship go beyond 12 months I'm not going to give you any advice on that front, but keep plugging away at it as best you know how. And the tradeoff for seeing more of the kids and not making as much money to pay off the debt sounds like a horrible choice to have to make.

All the best mate,

Ryan

Hi Post, glad to see that you and Seano have manged to have a few chats. I am sure you will have got on well together as he is a real sincere and genuine chap.

Just read through your diary over the time I have been away and the thoughts that came to my mind --having had the opportunity to read all the posts collectively-which is not usually the case when any of us post--firstly there are only so many times you can say sorry--I think she feels you deserve to be continually punished for what she perceives is something that was entirely your fault ie your gambling. I also feel that she does this spitefully because she feels that is what you did to her when you were gambling. Do you think it is all about seeing you squirm and that she thinks this will make her feel better when actually it is making her feel a whole lot worse. It seems to me that similarly to the cyclomatic way in which gambling and its effects reoccur over and over again, she has got herself into a train of thought and actions that are having a similar devastating effect on you both.

Blimey from the above you would think I had been reading some deep dark books on holiday when I only read Jack Dee's book on how he got to where he is today!!!

Sorry if my post is a bit downbeat but as usual it is just how I was thinking at the time.

Nearly forgot to add my congratulations for your 6 months mate--absolutely fantastic effort for anybody who was not going through the emotional spin dryer that you have experienced at the same time. I will raise a glass to you whilst watching the football from behind my sofa later!!

All the best mate

Stumper