My Diary - Day by Day

Day 10 - 23/5/16

Thanks Red 🙂 The support is always appreciated

Felt tempted - OH on nights I feel like c**P and that little demon said 'Have a little flutter' - No!!! - came on here instead - temptations are there but I am strong again. Making a cuppa and going to watch a program instead.

Well done!! Day 11 onwards and upwards 1 day st a time 🙂 xx

Day 12 - 25/5/16

Finally had the courage to add up my debts - currently £5873.57 last financials i can see on here were £5123.10 (1st March) so its gone up £750.47 - more than a months wages. Glad I have looked though so I know my starting again point - also although its high its not as high as I expected so a little relief.

Debt £5873.57

Savings £1

Paige Savings £270 (OH owes her £100)

Day 13 - 26/5/16

Payday (and 2 weeks GF) tomorrow and going to have none left due to my last lot of gambling but each GF day will help towards reducing the debt (or at least not adding to it) Need to keep positive and look to the future not the past

Happy 2 weeks gamble free eve! Well done for working out the debt, one more step towards taking back control! And like u say, it's about the future now, not the past 🙂

Focus on each day you're a non gambler and the debt won't go up. That's all you need right now. Like me it seems u turn to it when stressed. Prepare yourself for these times with planning ur treats! U deserve it xx

Day 14 - 27/5/16

Thanks Red some good advice - yes it seems to be my 'go to' when im stressed/depressed etc Glad to be taking back control although its harder to do than say. Still feeling tempted especially with OH gambling too. Trying to remember the freedom I felt the last time I was GF for a good while. I want to be FREE! 🙂

& you will be free if you keep working at it every day ☺

You know you can - make your dreams come true!

Can't you spk to ur OH and express how you feel when he is gambling? It's really tough and you deserve more security around you when urges strikes..

Pls stay safe

S

Half way to one month! 🙂 keep going girl xx

Hi,

Firstly you have done amazingly well since you started this dairy. Unfortunately giving into urges, are what 99.9% of compulsive gamblers will do, when trying to give up. You need to focus on the positives such as decreased debt and also no longer gambling every day/week or even month.

I'm not someone who has ever read your diary before today and therefore take my comments as someone with fresh eyes on your situation and therefore might seem harsh. So far you have had excellent support from many, but most people, have been with you on this diary for sometime and it can be easy for those people, to just to go with the flow, rather than take a step back and think, hold on, this person need fresh advice and inspiration.

You need to also take a step back and really go back to basics. For starters I'd look at why you gamble. It seems leaving your other half aside for a minute, that you do have time and also boredom to contend with. I've never had a child, but it always amazes me, that anyone with a baby/small child, would really have any time to be bored or have a lot of time, without being to shattered or busy to even switch a computer on. Perhaps you therefore gamble as a stress relief, something again many do, so it's worth thinking about and considering this.

In your circumstance, your other half is most certainly not helping, but as you say, you shouldn't use it as an excuse. But you should most definitely stop supporting him with money.

While, I don't have another half like that, I do have mates who gamble and then plead poverty and I did use to sympathise with them and occasionally sub them for a night out. But then I took a if I can do it, so can they attitude and I stopped any handouts and even if it meant no nights out because they had no money so be it.

You need to stand firm with him and stop all handouts. He needs to get on here himself and if he hasn't already read your diary and digest every post. Quite frankly it seems you are the one with all the b*lls in the relationship and he needs to see that.

I can only assume that he is a good other half in all other ways, otherwise I find it difficult to believe you would put up with it.

Perhaps look at taking control of all monies and/or attending GA meetings that you can do together and support each other.

It really does sadden me, that he is still not supporting you and you have enough on your plate, without you consitently being let down. But I do understand being an ex compulsive gambler myself, that sometimes everything and everyone takes a backseat when it comes to such a horrible addiction.

I really do hope that you never give up, giving up, you most certainly are a fair way to achieving that, but I also hope that one day he finally gives up the gambling.

Day 19 - 1/6/16

Still GF and proud to be (from gambling everday 19 days is an achievement)

Thanks for the fresh eyes Steve some good advice. You are right I dont get time (before the baby I used to turn to reading etc to fill my time instead of gambling) and I do seem to turn to gambling from stress and depression. I need to tackle the cause

Morning,

It's good that you're gambling less but it's still a real problem. Like Steve, I'm not having a go, I get that it's hard, but...

The advice about what to do to overcome the gambling is fairly standard. If the triangle is properly broken and you get counselling and/or attend meetings, being gf would become manageable in a way that it isn't now. You could use parental blockers from your internet provider. You could have the real life support that you lack now. You could be in a non gambling environment instead of a gambling culture. But the only person who can change your situation is you.

At the risk of sounding like a job interviewer, where do you see yourself in ten years? Paige will be 11 then. Or even five years, when Paige will be six? Or even two years? Realistically? What will have changed about your situation so that it's no longer a daily struggle as it is now? So that you no longer end up giving in every few weeks? Will anything have changed? Will you still be trying to overcome your own addiction, unsupported, whilst his gambling gets worse? Will your own gambling get worse? His owing Paige £100 is serious, put another way, he's now gambling with her money. Sounds familiar to me. Will you also end up letting the addiction convince you to borrow Paige's money, you can easily win it back? Frightening but not impossible. My husband didn't use the children's money at first, the addiction had progressed a long way for him to do it.

Why can't you and your OH stop tolerating each other's gambling (which promotes your own) and commit to recovery together, once and for all? What exactly is preventing that and what can you do about it? If it really is impossible, then you may have some rock/hard place choices as do the f&f. Doing nothing is also a choice.

Gambling isn't about the money and the debt doesn't matter. If you focus on reducing the debt without delving deeper as to what the act of gambling gives you and why it is something that you do need, then little will change. And nothing changes if nothing changes.

Wish you well.

CW

Well done chic. 19 days is great after a significant relapse. Try to come back consistently to support your progress but I totally understand that you're trying to navigate and manage a lot at the moment! Stay positive. You've done it before and you can do it again 🙂 xx

Thanks Red for your continued support. CW some great points and thought provoking. Xxx

Day 20 - 2/6/16

OH gambled over £250 this week he is getting worse. Have been discussing gamble blocking software. Any suggestions? Thanks