My Diary - I Win They Lose

Day 9 - 07/04/15

Working again today and visited family afterwards to keep myself busy. I've been making sure that when the urges to gamble come, I log on here and look at people's diaries which I feel works. The urges have only been slight and I am training my brain to picture a life without gambling in the long run.

Day 10 - 08/04/15

Spent the last two days thinking long and hard about that engagement ring that I had spotted. So I decided to get up early and paid the deposit to secure it. So proud of myself for using what I would class as a large amount of money for something very special rather than gambling it all away. I plan to pay the remainder on pay day (28th) and send the ring away for resizing which takes 4 weeks to return. This gives me plenty of time to think of how I will propose and pop the question.

I will remain 100% focused and will continue not to gamble as I can already see and feel a difference in my mood and perspective of the future.

Scott x

Well done Scott.
Great to read such positive posts.
The industry brain washes us to try and make us believe that gambling is 'fun'. But you're proving that life WITHOUT gambling is fun.
Long may it continue.

Mark

Very well done Scott on reaching double figures.

Your positivity is shining through your post, be very proud and GO FOR IT, because as I just posted to another diarist, recovery is an amazing journey.

Suzanne xxx

Thank you so much Mark and Suzanne for the kind support and messages of encouragement.

I have a few things planned for today to keep my mind off of gambling which include going to the gym, tidying and grabbing a coffee.

Hope you are having a lovely day.

Scott x

Hi Scott, thanks for the post, it means alot when other people take the time to read your diary. Well done on 10 days and keep up the good work.

Day 11 - 09/04/15

I found today tough as I had to drive into town and walk passed my old gambling haunts. It wasn't the fact that I wanted to gamble however it reminded me of how much time and money I used to spend whilst within the bookies. I managed to stay strong and march passed them though.

I kept myself busy by going to the gym, doing some shopping and some housework. The fitness and healthy eating has been tough so far but I am improving. It's always good to have a goal to aim towards which is a week in Marbella in July which I cannot wait for. I have been saving a £1 coin for every day I have not gambled. I plan to use the funds for a meal the night before the GF and I fly out and to buy her perfume at the airport. A great little incentive.

Have a lovely gamble free day folks.

Scott x

Hi Scott,

Sounds lovely a week in Marbella and definitely a good positive to focus on, yes some days will be tough, but when you get through the tough days, it makes you sooo much stronger.

Keep every barrier and block in place and keep going and keep saving those coins.

Well done on 11 days, soon be 2 whole weeks of being gamble free, and that is sooo positive.

Suzanne xxx

Scott

Fella thanks for the kind words you wrote upon my thread, they mean a great deal.

Fella I have walked in your shoes, I came to this forum a broken man, the compulsion to gamble, my relentless feeding addiction had detached me from the world, my sense of belonging gifted to addiction, I would simply do anything to fund the next punt.

The financial losses are just a by product of addiction the biggest gifts that recovery gives are honesty and your self esteem, something that no bet at any odds will ever offer in return.

I believe as active functioning gambler's we all live by the same mantra

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

11 days ago my friend you made a choice to turn that mantra upside down

You actually win without staking a single penny

Welcome to the winners enclosure, enjoy it and the rewards you take from it.

Give as much effort and time as you did feeding addiction and the rewards will astound you.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Duncan,

What an inspiration you are and you are great with words. Everything you write is put perfectly and in complete clarity. Thank you so much for the advice.

Day 12 - 10/04/15

Another gamble free day. Today I was working and had to get the train into town. It's always a fear as it is full of bookmakers. I walked by everyone without even a thought of going in. I was working most of the day and then got the train home. The weather was beautiful so enjoyed a nice walk from the train station back home.

I find that when people start conversations involving gambling and sports betting, I am changing the subject almost instantly. I find that by doing this I feel that I can stay on track and distract myself from gambling.

An all round good day and I felt so much better today. Oh, and purchased my first reward, headphones (£3.49 from Groupon).

Day 13 - 11/04/15

I was working today so not much to report. It is always a tough day in the gamblers calendar due to the Grand National. I stayed well clear and luckily enough I have no interest in horse racing. I have been watching the Masters on my iPad the past few nights. I have came to terms that sport is much more enjoyable without having a bet in place. It makes you appreciate the real skill of the players and people involved rather than a figure to blame for a losing bet.

Another day gamble free today.

I am Scott and I will not gamble 🙂

Day 14 - 12/04/15

Two whole weeks gamble free. It has been tough so far but getting there slowly but surely. I was early shift today then returned home and had a quiet night so no chance to gamble at any point and no urges to do so.

Day 15 - 13/04/15

I was early shift today then headed to the driving range with a friend. I have never been a golfer but I'm thinking that this may be my new hobby now and possibly even take up lessons. Felt a little moody today but popped on here a few times to check what was happening which brought me a feeling of pride.

Day 16 - 14/04/15

Working again in the morning and managed to get home a little early. Headed home and picked up the GF then headed to a lodge near to Aviemore to stay a couple of days with my mum and her partner. It was great to get away somewhere so remote and relaxed. No urges to gamble due to the location and unable to get a phone signal which was good.

Day 17 - 15/04/15

Another great day today which was again gamble free. Headed up to the top of the Cairngorm mountains via the Finnicular. Such beautiful views at the top but very cold still. Had lunch at the top and it was great to spend time with the family. What a better life I have given myself already with only 17 days gamble free.

Day 18 - 16/04/15

Another early rise today to explore the highlands of Scotland. Headed into a little village called Carr Bridge and had lunch in a beautiful little bakery. Bought some small gifts from the little craft shop in the village for the family. I love little places like that, every house is a cottage with the smell of peat burning, everyone who passes you says hello and most importantly there is no sign of gambling establishments in sight.

I have continued to save my daily £1 coin which has accumulated to £17 so far. Some may say it's only £17 however it is the most valuable £17 I have ever owned. It is an incentive and an achievement to me.

Apologies for the delayed posts for the last few days of my diary but I stuggled to get a phone signal.

Hope everyone is having a lovely gamble free day.

Scott x

Well done Scott keep going and keep winning.

Suzanne xxx

Day 19 - 17/04/15

Today was the last day in Aviemore as part of our short stay. It was just perfect to get away from all the gambling and to relax. My only problem was that I had a dream about gambling last night. My dream featured me standing in the bookies in front of a FOBT and feeding it with note after note. It was a vivid dream and I could swear that it was real. I remember feeling guilty during the dream as I was under the impression that I had gambled again. The dream felt real because of one thing though........I lost. Even in my gambling dreams I lose.

I woke up feeling relieved and headed back home. It was a long drive home but great time spent with the girlfriend. Night shift tonight.

Another day gamble free.

Hi Scott,

Great stuff mate. Your really winning in the long run. Stay strong and positive.

I'm into day 2 and struggled today (day off and football on). But made it through.

keep posting mate

Day 20 - 18/04/15 to

Day 26 - 24/04/15

Hi folks I haven't been on in some time and have been unable to post my daily diary.

I am pleased to announce that I have continued to lead a gamble free life however life has been hectic due to starting a new job.

I started a few days ago and have been apprehensive and extremely nervous which has consumed the majority of my time and I have been unable to post.

Throughout this time I have stayed well clear of all forms of gambling and have managed to play a few rounds of golf which I am enjoying. It's great to get out in the fresh air and be with your thoughts.

I have also continued to save my daily £1 coin which is slowly but surely accumulating. It's almost like a little project which I am proud of. The girlfriend will be so happy when I use it for her perfume.

There hasn't been many thoughts of gambling however I have been having some crazy dreams. I reckon that this will heal over time but I am definately enjoying life at the moment as a result of not gambling.

Pay day is the next big test which is only 3 days away. I will remain positive and used what I have learned on the journey already to counteract any urges which come flooding over me. I am strong and I know I can do this.

Have a lovely gamble free Saturday folks.

Scott x