My Diary - I Win They Lose

Day 27 - 25/04/15 to

Day 30 - 28/04/15

It's been hectic in work as I have had so much to take in and so many new people to meet. I am slowly but surely getting there but the past few days have been emotionally draining for me. The girlfriend has been unbelievable and has been so caring towards me which is very comforting. I'm sure I will settle into my new role shortly and things will look up.

As for the past few days, I have not gambled and not felt the urge to either which is a relief. This month has probably been the best managed with money in my life. I am proud to keep a strict budget and to abide by it. I have managed to save a little, but the foods I want and treat the girlfriend to nice meals at restaraunts on the odd occasion. I will continue to do this throughout the following months. The girlfriend has also noticed a big difference in me over the past few weeks which also carries an incentive to continue.

Well......payday has arrived which was always a day where I would log straight into an online casino or run to the bookies. Not today! I am staying well clear and have wrote all my finances down on paper for the month in black and white. I know where I stand that way and can control what is going on.

I am planning on going back to daily diary posts as I have struggled for time the past few days.

I hope everyone has a lovely gamble free day.

Scott x

Day 79 - 16/06/15

Folks I haven't posted in so long....as you can probably see. I am glad to announce that I am still gamble free which feels amazing! I have still kept an eye on a lot of people's diaries which assists me day to day. I am glad to say that the urges are minimal and I have learned so much in the 79 days. I have achieved so much and I am genuinely proud of myself. I have regained my fitness and have taken up golf which I find incredibly enjoyable. I have my self to thank however I would like to take the time to thank everyone who has encouraged me on my thread and gave me the motivation to continue by posting their generous comments. I intend on returning soon to post my progress in the foreseeable future.

Scott x

Hello again.....it's been a while as you can see.

Unfortunately I returned to a life of gambling after doing so well. I have really struggled over the past few years and my gambling antics have once again, spiraled out of control.

I am now looking to starting from scratch and documenting my progress as I did previously.

I spent some time erlier reading through my previous posts. I am so proud of what I have achieved previosuly and this has motivated me to start again.

My plan is to post daily (if possible) on my progress, current moods and general everyday topics. I will also give myself incentives to save money.

Scott.

Hi Scott.

Well done for starting again and sorry to hear about your relapse.

I am 33 days GF and just wondered what made you relapse and when you did this?

Day 1 - 31/12/17

My first day from not gambling. It's pretty hard going, knowing the damage that I have done since I relapsed. This can easily be changed though and I am willing to commit to 100%.

I had a lovely night with the wife and a few friends as we toasted the bells on hogmanay. No better time to start a new life that the new year.

The plan over the next few weeks is to clear my head from gambling, eat healthier and hit the gym again. I have lots of little projects which I looking forward to. I seriously want to improve my golf game this year and lower the handicap. Bought a new little notepad in the sale to jot down some ideas and thoughts to make this process a whole lot easier.

Thanks for your comment Saffie. The best way I can probably describe my relapse is by saying that I got too big for my boots. I got to a stage that I suppose I convinced myself that one more bet would not hurt. Was I wrong or what...? Well done on your 33 day gamble free progress. What a great effort and I can't wait till I am at similar numbers to you. I admire you.

Scott x

Thanks Scott. It's interesting to hear that to stop myself falling into that trap because I am starting to think maybe I could go in one more time and win something.

I know I can't and the only way is the hard way but the sense of achievement will be so good after all these years of self hate and regret?

I would just keep reminding yourself that you can do this because you have done it before. You don't need gambling in your life, you have so much more!

Day 2 - 01/01/18 (Happy New Year)

Woke up with a little bit of a sore head after celebrating the new year with my wife. I feel really focused not to gamble now. Enjoyed a day off work and spent time with the in-laws.

I still feel rather numb knowing that I have gambled away a lot and wasted a fraction of my life but this will repair through time.

Starting to really think about training in the gym seriously again. I singed up for the Stirling Marathon on Christmas Eve. The event itself takes place at the end of April so it gives me an incentive to get fit again.

Gambling has caused me to become slightly overweight and a lot unfitter than I was before. This is even more determination to stop gambling.

Had some steak pie which is traditional I suppose on New Years Day and enjoyed a few beers.

I'm keeping my chin up at the early stages of my battle.

Scott x

Day 3 - 02/01/18

Back to work today which was good as it meant I had more to focus my thoughts on than gambling. I have tasked with a new project at work which will keep me occupied through the upcoming months.

I headed back to the gym after work. Oh dear.... I well and truly struggled and I'm looking pretty terrible at that. About 6 months ago I ran the Edinburgh marathon in a pretty decent time...today I struggled to even jog for a minute at a time. Gambling has affected absolutely everything including my appearance and fitness. It goes without saying now that I will beat this and become who I was again. The happier, gamble free, fitter Scott.

As well as regaining my fitness here are some of the little incentives I have given myself which I will tick off gradually:

- New aftershave (Dior Sauvage to be precise) - £52

- New wallet - £30

- New trainers - £80

Just a few little items that I've been wanting for a while however I have not been able to afford as I have gambled everything.

I will continue to pay £500 every month to my credit cards and by next March I will be almost debt free.

Everything seems clear at this point and I know what I need to do.

Scott x

Day 4 - 03/01/17

I'm really enjoying writing this diary and keeping tabs on my own progress by doing so. Four days in and feeling so much better already.

Had a good day at work and headed straight to the gym afterwards. Completed a 5k run on the treadmill and struggled but never stopped. Worked on some ab work afterwards then headed to the shops to buy some healthy food for dinner. I'm totally 100% determined just now with re-gaining my fitness and abstaining from gambling.

I remember when I stopped gambling before I found it similar to when you start keeping fit. Yes, it is very difficult at first but when you do keep it up, you become so focused that you don't want to give up.

I'm still in the very early stages of both topics however I know I can do this.

I haven't had many urges to gamble but I do know that it is still very early days.

Scott x

Wow Scott you sound like you are full of good ideas to keep yourself motivated. I know you don't feel like you have abstained for many days but don't forget what an achievement this is as I'm sure you, like me, have previously gambled daily. The feeling of self worth just keeps getting stronger as the days go past. You can do it!

Saffie,

Thanks for your kind words. I am such a better person without gambling, it is evident only after a few days.

I look forward to posting my diary daily and keeping on track. Here is to another day stronger and GF.

Scott x

Hi Scott I feel like I already know a lot about you in a good way having read your diary from day 1. Lovely to see the girl you split up with then got back with became your wife . Also well done for coming back onto here . I wish you well in your return . Not sure what advice I can give you as you probably know a lot about blocks and other ways to avoid a bet . Will read your diary with interest

Day 5 - 04/01/18 to Day 7 - 06/01/18

What a busy couple of days it has been. I have remained gamble free and still feeling so positive and focused. Work has been demanding but enjoyable and the gym has also been demanding, and slightly less enjoyable. Absolutely loving the new lease of life though and the positive outlook which I have.

Today (Saturday) worries me as it was usually the day where I would bet on the football. What a great day I had without gambling though. I got up fairly early, headed to Costa for a latte then straight to my golf club. I would normally play only 9 holes to give me enough time to get to the bookies but today I chose to play the full 18. The course was on winter greens and I shot level par! (not bad for an 8 handicapper). It turned out that I won the Saturday Sweep with 44 stableford points. I then headed straight to the gym where I spent around an hour before returning home and buying some groceries for a lovely meal tonight with the wife.

I am incredibly proud of myself today and what an enjoyable Saturday I have had. I not only won the golf sweep but by not gambling today, I also won.

I'm going to stick to a similar plan every week. I feel like I have acheived so much.

Have a great Saturday folks.

Scott x

Glad to hear you are doing well. The only thing I have to show from my gambling was an expensive coffee machine . Paid £750 for it in September and to be honest , saves me having to go out for lattes !! However when you stack it all it probably cost me 100 times that !! Well done also on the golf , glad you have found a hobby that gets you out and about

Day 8 - 07/01/18

A great day had today with the wife. Had a long lie then headed out for a long walk along the beach at Gullane. Absolutely stunning views and one of my favourite places due to the golf courses in the area. Treated the wife to a hot chocolate and I had another latte. I love coffee but trying to cut down mid week and keeping the latte's as a weekend treat.

Absolutely no thoughts of gambling today and no interest shown to it. Another day of winning for me.

Headed home and had a lovely healthy dinner. This has been the first weekend in so long where I haven't had a takeaway from somewhere and not touched a drop of alcohol either.

Looking forward to the week ahead.

Scott