My diary, my new life, my fightback

Day 147 of not gambling, another Saturday and I haven’t a clue what race meeting are on etc.

staying strong and living a better life

Day 149

New working week begins, no thoughts of losing the money sitting in my bank.i never did get round to handing over my finances, hope one day I dont regret it.

so another day goes by , that’s about 5 months done now and from where I was in March I’m happy with how things have gone.

the pitfalls are there every day, this is for life, every day is still a bit of a struggle but nothing like it was, one day at a time.

im in a decent place now

Hi Hollycrosser,

Well done on such amazing progress and also thanks for dropping by my diary few weeks back.

To answer your question of why I'm still at square one after 6 years of trying with this site alongside me...I guess cause I didn't try hard enough. I never fully put addiction to bed and I never fully believed my life is possible without gambling. I also didn't take my own advice and many kind people advice on.

I only partly blocked my path to gambling which ultimately left gaps for me to come back. I wasn't commited enough to GA meetings either..not sure now what was that.

So yes, 6 years later I'm still here. With massive debts and devastating relapses...simply because addiction progressed. My mental state is worse too...and I'm older  too! 

Putting all this aside. In my personal life many changes happened netherless. I achieved most things in my life during this 6 year's on here. Strange but it is true...so there is always two sides to the coin...life does go on...I braved myself to reach out for the help I needed 20 odd years ago regarding my past abuse...so I guess, I am making progress somewhere...I am just not helping myself and my finances with relapses.

Maybe one day I will fully surrender ...I believe I already dine 100 times but my actions shows otherwise. I shall try again.

Hope this explained a bit of what you asked.

Congrats again and blessings.

Take care & look after you.

S&B xx

Day 151 , 

non-gambling thankfully, but triggered by unexpected development, but stressed today.

need to stay strong 

Day 152

No gambling 

Day 153.

Hanging on there.still googling ad things, mind wandering. 

Just a wee warning for anyone t this stage its hard 

Stay strong, my friend, you have this under control.

I think every stage of stopping gambling has its challenges. I found not gambling reasonably easy during the first few weeks due to the initial raw pain and guilt of what I had done. I have since entered a fairly long stage where I know I am relying heavily on my blocks to stop me gambling. 

I think it is probably natural that we have the odd urge or let our minds wander with regards gambling - it is how we control and react to these thoughts that matter. They are just irrational thoughts in our head, nothing physical, and we have 100% control of them. 

Good luck

Posted by: Muststop123

Stay strong, my friend, you have this under control.

I think every stage of stopping gambling has its challenges. I found not gambling reasonably easy during the first few weeks due to the initial raw pain and guilt of what I had done. I have since entered a fairly long stage where I know I am relying heavily on my blocks to stop me gambling. 

I think it is probably natural that we have the odd urge or let our minds wander with regards gambling - it is how we control and react to these thoughts that matter. They are just irrational thoughts in our head, nothing physical, and we have 100% control of them. 

Good luck

Thanks pal, I must admit on 3 or 4 occasions Gamstop has saved me.

i can’t emphasise how good it is, I don’t think i can bare to ever walk into a bookies ever again so these online blocks are working, i was at it again last night...looking.

thankfully I stopped. Bloody hard this.

Day done and avoided relapsing .

Thankfully I’m still gambling free and the urges are away, I think the new footy season and some unexpected bills have triggered the itch.

Don’t give in. Look how far you’ve come! 

Think of all the debts that you have paid off. 

You're doing amazing. 

Posted by: Catbradley

Don’t give in. Look how far you’ve come! 

Think of all the debts that you have paid off. 

You're doing amazing. 

Thanks for the support.it really helps.

Day  154 begins

Day 156 , a new week, the wee urges of last week have gone , thankfully I’m still gambling free since that day in March.

ive a couple of things to get through in life, time is ticking by and my patience is being tested.I keep saying to folk plan, never be complacent and be patient, I need to take a leaf out of my own book.Should be ok this week so onwards we fight.

Day 157 , still going, home for a few days but stuff planned

Day 158 5 months ,seems a lifetime