My diary, my new life, my fightback

Well done holycrosser.thats the way im thinking right now.i dont even wanna bet a pound coz ill feel like ive failed and would have to start over again.plus and i know this sounds daft but if i gambled now i would feel like ive let everyone on here down thats been supportive to me since i joined.im 23 days gf and got no intentions of giving in to the urges when i get them.its mainly at the weekend but so far im staying strong.hope u do too and keep posting.bye for now

Posted by: Cantona7

Well done holycrosser.thats the way im thinking right now.i dont even wanna bet a pound coz ill feel like ive failed and would have to start over again.plus and i know this sounds daft but if i gambled now i would feel like ive let everyone on here down thats been supportive to me since i joined.im 23 days gf and got no intentions of giving in to the urges when i get them.its mainly at the weekend but so far im staying strong.hope u do too and keep posting.bye for now

I second that, I to want to be honest with myself and folk on here, the support I get really helps.Good luck and stay gf

49 days done, no gambling and not the slightest hint of it.

why didn’t I do this 5 years ago I will never know .

Morning all.a wee milestone, this will be my 50th day gambling free.

So the thoughts on this and how I'm doing.

Been here before, I've done around 4 months GF a few year ago.i felt the same and it came easy but guess what?yep the demon got complacent. 

So I now reflect and the main thing is I never ever think I've beaten this, always one day at a time.i am a CG and will never be free.i feel good in my mind this time though as knowing I have no where to go if I fail this time is driving me on.

I'm in debt and will be for 4 years, once I'm cleared of it I can start to build my happy life.Until then it's the hard yards of paying loans back and staying gamble free.

I have chosen not to tell my partner, it's wrong but my decision.

So by being busy and planning days different I'm getting through this.However the last week or so I feel I'm slipping in regards to the concentration of recovery and my planning of my days so I avoid triggers.I need to be 100% committed every day to be on my guard and not let this creep up on me.

I'm uncertain if I will get to 100 days but I'm already so much better than the day I last gambled. 

Today I won't gamble.

No gambling today.

50 days gf

Hello holycrosser,

Congrats on 50 days GF, always 1 day at a time but use these milestones to motivate you to push on and keep living that better life.

All the best.

Posted by: sjw

Hello holycrosser,

Congrats on 50 days GF, always 1 day at a time but use these milestones to motivate you to push on and keep living that better life.

All the best.

Cheers pal.. I'm aiming for 100 not out , done it before so fingers crossed.

Good stuff Holycrosser. Keep up the good work. Onwards and upwards.

Hi ya

50 days is an excellent milestone bud, it goes without saying that the earlier days are toughest.

I know you said you went months before GF then caught yourself out but think of these 50 days as a separate entity to those 50+ days you accrued last time... ie this time your older, wiser, have learnt loads more about yourself and will be applying all your experience to the 50 days so far and future days... What I mean is no 50 days are the same... This is new passage of time with new possibilities.

If Liverpool are winning the league after 10 games in the 2018-2019 season and go on to win the league, does that mean it will be the same outcome in the 2019/2020 season if they are in top spot after 10 games again? Of course not, there are so many other variables at play of course... 

I figure that people generally falter on this journey if they are not ready to give up gambling yet, just needed a bit of time off gambling truth be told, or don't address the malaise and continue to be unwell whilst not gambling. I have fallen prey to all 3 over my lifetime... Are you any of those 3 mate? 

Nothing wrong if you are, just best to address any of these areas if this is the case... Being honest with yourself is defo a crucial weapon in this game... And you'll be amazed how many people bury their head in the sand and source out a casino or a bookie while they are down there... ??

Anyway if none of these 3 apply to you... you have a fighting chance! Take it! ?

Ps why does your day count only say 19 days? Maybe your profile data needs adjusting? Don't do yourself out of days man, every day is hard fought and well earned! ?

Thanks signalman.

It's different this time for many personal reasons but mainly because if I don't do this now I won't ever have the life I want...a settled one.i just "know" this is it.

The days on my profile have been wrong for weeks I just can't be chewed to sort it ?

Day 51 begins.im gonna up my activity at work as I'm getting bored and that is a trigger.

Today I won't gamble.today I am aware of the demon lurking.

Posted by: holycrosser

Day 51 begins.im gonna up my activity at work as I'm getting bored and that is a trigger.

Today I won't gamble.today I am aware of the demon lurking.

Hi HC . 

Just popped by with belated wishes on passing your 50 day mark , it's always a milestone in my book and it also means that your half way to the century club , which I'll take great pleasure in welcoming you too in due course :)) 

Keeping busy is definately the way to keep thing's at bay , Idle hand's and all that :)) . 

Stay well my friend and keep pushing on , it does get easier :)) 

Alan  

Thanks Alan for the support.

Day 52 begins.yesterday went well, all bills are now paid and I have my bit money left.Need to be on my guard at all times as a little voice in my head predicted Ajax to win the other day and thoughts of backing the draw last night crept in as I listened to sports news on 5 live in the morning.i quickly dismisses that and turned the radio off.

Proof that this thing can come back at any time.Scary

Day 53 and the end of the week.

work today, night in after a wee walk.

out on Saturday, potential triggers around as I’m going to a PL match but I will be taking no cards with me, only enough money that I need for a few pints and a bite to eat, planning is key.today I won’t gamble.

One day at a time, just read a diary of urgh and it started to set me off a bit about gambling thoughts, I will stay away from it from now as it felt weird that words on a screen could get me thinking that way.

It's reinforced the need to stay away from gambling people.

Today is my 54th day I will not gamble, I'm yet to spend any of my allotted money this month and being on a steady footing I'm almost at the point of handing  over my finances to a very trusted friend.

Big step for me and one i must do despite me feeling I can do this.Im learning this is for life and along the way I'm battling every day the urges.

Struggling a bit now after reading that diary and today is the wrong day for that to start