My Gambling Career

Very similar to myself Stuart.   But brown hair aged  13.

First holiday with family .  Walked into town and straight into the arcade.   Won 20 pounds from a one pound coin.  Little did I know that on that day it woukd lead to football accumulators....Yankee bets on horse racing.   Then after 17 it would accelerate to roulette and daily visits to bookmakers .   

Tried to stop countless times.   Countless relapses.   Huge amounts stupidly blown .  Huge debts .  Mental impact and much more .

53 now .

I wish I had  bought an ice cream with that pound ☺ 

Very similar to myself Stuart.   But brown hair aged  13.

First holiday with family .  Walked into town and straight into the arcade.   Won 20 pounds from a one pound coin.  Little did I know that on that day it woukd lead to football accumulators....Yankee bets on horse racing.   Then after 17 it would accelerate to roulette and daily visits to bookmakers .   

Tried to stop countless times.   Countless relapses.   Huge amounts stupidly blown .  Huge debts .  Mental impact and much more .

53 now .

I wish I had  bought an ice cream with that pound ☺ 

Hi RPC

We are similar ages as I'm 56. How are you doing now ? Are you in recovery and any number of days gamble free or is the addiction still biting you mate ?

Stuart

I cant find another addiction capable of doing these kind of damages since studying this addiction their are people in their 80s 90s who cant still see the damage it causing it a strange addiction as i understand the financial damage isnt even the worst one its loss off time and the destruction it causes some people still manage to live a life i spoke to a guy who father 86 cant see the issue he not been around his family his mum passed away and the whole family has suffered since childhood because he able to do it for so long and was able to finance his addiction for so long he may never see the addiction or maybe he simply doesnt want to change he still has alot of assests and his son is family are worried he wont leave them nothing they are looking at financial side to it so what do you do in that kind of situation i told their nothing you can do you cant force a change on someone who doesnt want to change 

So true Taz, once embroiled in any addiction it becomes part of us. It's devastating to remember the acceptance I had of the person I became. Functioning as an addict became the norm and the courage and fight emptied from my mind. That ever downward cycle of depression leading me to further escapism through gambling with more depression of losses, lies and secrets eat damage to myself and others that I could not cognitively appreciate. The depths of depravity knew no bounds. Arriving at each rock bottom, rather than creating a light bulb moment and waking up to reality, no, I used a mental sledge hammer to knock through to oversee that lay beneath. None of us can do that on our own. The vague attempts to cry for help were not recognised until I finally got the help and support I needed

Now I see life ! Present in my life. Being able to be the person I was always meant to be. That person had been growing in the background. Learning and developing in my mind entrapped behind addiction. Just waiting for the chance to escape and flower. I am not my addiction anymore. I am a kind and loving person. I am a gambler in recovery and I'm proud of that

Good post Stuart. I actually had a sense of belonging. I am 56 and have been gambling since I was 18. Why do we keep doing this to ourselves. I should be in a good financial position and preparing for retirement but as it is I'm struggling to repay debt. I might just be able to retire in 10 years, IF I STOP GAMBLING. Part of me accepts that I will continue to gamble and i will struggle for the rest of my life. What an idiot I am.....I will pray that we all see the light and get the support we all need to get something out of the remainder of our lives.

Hi Bumblebee

We are kindred spirits and the same age. I was like that last summer but stopped, end of, stopped.

Have you stopped yourself or tried it ? I put a post on here called do you want to give up gambling and it's what's worked for me. As we are the same age and long careers gambling, What's stopping you from giving it a go mate ? I think we have spoken on the chatroom before and I will be on there at 8 or reply to this 

Hi S

Still biting unfortunately.   Its the hamster wheel effect.     I can go weeks and months without a bet .   But as you rightly know thsts when it gets dangerous again.  You build some savings and clarity and then the wee voice in the back of your head draws you in again.

Currently 1 week without a bet .

Hi bumblebee.

I also think the same re retirement.   I'm 53 and in a few years I should be thinking about partial retirement and working only 3 days.   But stupidly ignored saving every month and I've still debt which won't be cleared for another few years. 

Keeping fighting mate.  We're good people just got gripped by this terrible addiction. 

@lp5vut869c 

I have tried and failed to stop. You would have thought that the prospect of not even having a home to live in when you give up working would have hit home, but it only goes to pile on the pressure and our disease makes me gamble thinking that this the only way out.... I'm so glad that you have been able to stop and i hope that you are enjoying the benefits.  

@rpc2011 

Thank you. It seems a common theme, where gamblers are "good" people. Perhaps that's what we need to change!. I've resigned to the fact that my retirement is going to look a lot different to the one i imagined. We mustn't allow the stress of this to take over and make us gamble.  Good luck and if you have any miracle cures, please let me know. Take care.

Hi Both

Back in November I was honestly, broken. I'd had enough and just didn't want it anymore. There was an element of looking like I would be sacked, as I'd never really given up, I didn't know what not betting would look like. A bit like both of you in the 50s club, I thought I've done this for so long what's the point of I can't do it but that's the addiction talking. Month one was an utter nightmare and I just didn't know why I was doing it. Month two I started to really want it but it was still hard. Month three was completely different. I think it was when Just for today from GA started to make sense. I realised it wasn't hard because I really enjoyed simplifying life. I didn't want to go back to the chaos I didn't miss it and I enjoyed my recovery. Yes I still have something very big hanging over my head and I'm not talking debt but learning to be present and in this particular day, not the past and not the future, made all the difference.

All I would say to both of you, that with all the c**P I have going on, the worst day in recovery is better than the best day in action. There is an amazing life out there for everyone. It doesn't involve fast cars, big houses, yachts and holidays but instead it involves happiness, calm and connection with everyone 

Whatever made me reach out for this, I hope you get there as well guys.

"The worst day in recovery is better than the best day in action"

That's a great line .

I'll try to try remember this daily instead of dwelling about the huge losses .

Thanks S

RPC

Try this on for size

Think hard about the money you have spent gambling from when you were born until now. Really think about it and write that figure down.

Now think hard again and does that figure feel too high, too low or about correct. Once you have a figure you are happy with then imagine all of that money on the floor where you are sitting or standing

Look down and imagine it. How does that make you feel ? 

Say goodbye to it because it's gone. You are never going to get it back, it's gone forever and you can't win it back

Now write down how much time you have spent gambling since you were born. Once you think the figure is correct, how does that make you feel ? 

Like the money it's gone. One and the same it's gone. It's easier to see time like that but harder to agree the money has gone. 

One last thought. It's your thinking that got you into the mess so why would anyone think it's their thinking that will get them out of it