My Gambling Career

@rpc2011

I have been gambling for 25 years. I am 48 years old, live alone in a rented apartment, have no savings and no retirement savings. I live in the US and am about 9k in debt from a terror of an almost weekly gambling spree that lasted about 10 months. I have put many blocks in place but there have been loop holes so I keep working to close them all up. I have banned from every online casino group permanently. I have cut up all credit cards except one who was kind enough to put my cash advance limit at zero. Last week I got paid and withdrew my whole check and went to the casino and lost it all. This was after I tried being responsible and paid my bills one day before getting paid. So all bills came out the following day so I am now negative with fees on the way. I realize now, because although my addiction has always been bad, it appears it is now severe. I will now pay all bills 2 days before I get paid since it takes my bank 2 days to clear them, which will mean when I wake up Friday morning the bank account will not allow me to act of these awful urges.

I am really trying and want desperately to end this 25 year hell. I do not have support. My siblings and I are not very close and only speak here and there. No friction they are busy and I live an hour and a half away. My parents are dead.

I have a couple friends who I used to talk  about this addiction for years but stopped a couple years ago because they don't know what to say and I can tell it makes them feel uncomfortable. 

So this is on me to do on my own. Which is okay as even with support, the truth is it has always been my battle to fight. 

I am just trying to make it impossible and have been working on this slowly for the past 3 months. I think with this last tweak it will help a lot. I simply cannot have access to cash. Literally no more than 100 dollars or I will say screw it and run to a casino, or even buy tons of lottery tickets, whatever scratches the itch, you know?

I like the advice on letting it go and focusing on the now. I earn an okay salary, not a ton, about 60k per year, so I can pay off this 9k with being extra frugal by  December of this year.

I just hope I don't end up homeless. Sometimes I worry even I I stop now. I only have about 15-17 years to save for retirement which I hope to begin next year once the 9k debt is cleared. Those thoughts literally wake me up at night. Like what have you done? You have ruined everything and now may be a homeless elderly woman.

Any thoughts or advice appreciated. 

This is a beast of sn addiction but like you, I have to hope it can get better if I stop the behavior. Best of luck to all of you in this thread and yhank you for reading.

Kandi

Hi Kandi

Could I suggest you read my post on the forum called Do you want to give up gambling ? It's in the new section on the forum. It's only what has worked for me but you might pick up the odd tip on there. As you are USA based, not everything is available over there so I am sorry if a few of the ideas don't translate over the big pond. Have you tried the evive app which is for people in the US ? You can get a lot of country centric advice on there. You need to search for get evive app

There are lots of gamblers anonymous meetings online which can be reached from the gamblersinrecoverywebsite and they are 24/7. There are a lot American meetings. Also through the evive app Adam Lyons runs the Modern Meeting tomorrow night which is amazing. It's at 8pm EST and you just need to reach out to Adam to get the link. 

@lp5vut869c 

Thank you for this Stuart.  I just read your story and all if the tips provided. Wonderful advice! It sounds like you went through a ton too and i am so glad to hear you have been away from this for a few months now. Huge progress! The longest i have ever stayed away is 3 months. I will check out evive for sure. There is only one GA meeting once a week in my area and it is during my work hours. I have considered online meetings but my landlord lives in the apartment below me and I am afraid she will hear me. Super thin walls. I suppose I could use my ear buds to join though do not a great excuse there.

I like that you mentioned walking. I live in NY state so winter is brutal, but Spring is coming soon and I was thinking the other day that I need to start walking. I am naturally a sedentary type snd work remotely so I don't get much exercise. My body will thank me but my brain would love the endorphins and bit of dopamine by taking even just a short walk each day.

The thing I have come to realize is there will never be another dopamine hit like gambling. I have to literally retrain my brain that this is not it, this is not going to help. But my brain still needs something, so even small amounts from things like walking might help with retraining my brain to get dopamine from healthy activities, albeit in smaller, less totally numbing out and being a zombie to slots like gambling addiction does. Seeing you list walking has motivated me to 100 percent do this. I thought about a few days ago and now I read your tip that exercise, but more specifically walking, really helps with connecting with nature and gives a bump of dopamine. Thank you very much for your advice and response.

Would it be okay if I post on here with updates? I feel like even just telling someone about progress, no matter how small, may help wuth accountability since I don't have friends or family to go to with this.

Kandi

Hi Kandi

yes of course you can but you can also post your own topic on the forum, just click add topic. I will subscribe if you put something up and if you feel confident why not put your back story up as he helps to get this out and people to understand you and where you are at. Are you male of female if you don't mind me asking and also what's your rough age ? What is your main source of gambling and how long has it gone on for. I do know bits about the US gambling system from talking on evive and to the founder of the app. Keep coming on here and come to the chatrooms which are amazing. 

One thing you have said above which stands out is you are working remotely. Bearing in mind gambling for most is a form of escapism and living in secrecy most people think that the opposite of addiction is sobriety. If addiction equals isolation then the opposite is connection. if you don't already, try talking to people more. Being present without gambling. Talk to the person who serves you a coffee or in the supermarket. That gives dopamine.

There are many forms of dopamine including happiness and the most bizarre one is actually sneezing.  

@lp5vut869c 

Wow sneezing?! That's interesting 🤔. I went ahead and posted more of a back story, current situation, steps taken to try to stop, etc on the new members forum.

Thank you for the advice and support, Stuart. I hope to chat with you more on here and hope you stay strong each day.

Kandi 

Hi Kandi

I will have a good read and reply if I can on your topic 

Stay strong one day at a time 

I read something beautiful today which makes a lot of sense to me 

Remember when you forgive you heal and when you let go you grow

So true 

Hello Kandi

I am in UK, 41 years old and my gambling career has been quite short.... a few blips in 23/24, got drawn in with the free bets upon sign up. Didn't like the time I was wasting on it, my bets, which had now moved to slots, although my stakes were still small (often 10 or 20p at a time). After 1 year on Gamstop I thought I'd have another go, very soon after this the same thing happened and I put myself back on Gamstop. When Gamstop expired in April 2025 that's when the real trouble started.

I found a few slots I just loved, I got a huge dopamine hit from winning firstly x from a spin, and then x from a spin. Of course this all went back in to the habit. By August I had taken a £5000 loan to cover losses. My mental health plummeted. I've gambled regularly (well, on and off) since confessing to my mother in November. Still in debt of approx £5500, and family think I've quit for good. The lying is the worst. This weekend I feel I've turned a corner. It's helped preventing myself from being able to access money. The posts on here are also amazing, good luck please keep us posted. One particular thing that has helped me I think Stuart has posted it here, accept the money you have lost, you'll never win it back.

Hi Misty

Great post.Reading through it sounds that although as you say its been a short career you have given up a few times. Just from my own thoughts, at GA we say our first name of course and the last bet date. No one says how long they have gambled for. All I'm saying is it doesn't matter how long you gamble for it can often mean the same result of addiction which does have a mild, middle or fully addicted measure. Not sure if I worded that correctly, just sort of trying to say something about when you said it was only short, it's obviously really affected you. I love hearing stories where people have gambled for a couple of years and are in recovery. I wish I hadn't of spent 44 years before that. 

Did you go cold turkey before other than the blocks ? Are you happy to share what you think made you go back and of course what the light bulb turning point was this weekend. Only if you are happy to share. 

Hi Stuart thanks for replying. I didn't have what I would class as an unhealthy addiction the first two times I quit with Gamstop. I just didn't like the time I was spending whilst wagering small amounts. Last year was the classic first big win, though I can't stipulate the amount as admin block it out, but that's fine, you know what I mean! And that was when the hook got me. What made me go back......recouping losses in vain with the endless ridiculous belief that I could come out better off in the end!

Lightbulb moment, I don't know....I got to the stage when I had my last bet, lost all I had until payday, and had already blocked myself from any further cash advances on credit cards. (This was only the weekend just gone, Friday). Not having the access to the money full stop makes gambling not an option. The hurdle I'll face next is payday. For the first time I looked at the monetary value of money itself......how quickly you can lose X amount versus how long it takes to earn X amount, and so on. Previously I've left my phone with trusted family members (usually my poor son), but I feel a bit different now and I'm hoping this weekend I'll be strong and not even have any urges. Will update x

Hi Misty

Thank you for your reply. Are you young or had a long time in gambling ? You raise a few thoughts to me. For years I ignored the safer gambling adverts so when I came to recovery last year I didn't know where to start. I found Gamstop, then gamban ,then moses etc but at that point thought is the rest down to me going cold turkey. Thank goodness I found this site, got advice from the chatrooms especially the 8pm ones for some amazing people, shout out to Adam, Henry, Johnny, Taz and Ann (sorry if I missed anyone). So I began to build up an incredible support network, people I could speak to and things I could do when I needed to. It still felt like walking along a high wire and would fall at some point hoping for someone to catch me. I joined GA for the second time, last time was a long long time ago for one meeting. I started going and then after a few weeks I started to "get it". Abstinence is great, having blocks and accountability made it slightly easier but I wasn't trying to fix a life long problem. The problem for me wasn't gambling. Gambling was a solution or so I thought to escapism, stress, loneliness, feeling in adequate, basically trying to side step life with a thrill, if there was one at the end. Since then I've worked out what my problems are. I can't fix them but I can work on them everyday for the rest of my life. Through connection to my feelings I then connected to life and simplified it. I no longer needed the newest golf clubs, trying to win a house or car or holiday. I no longer chase that rainbow with the empty pot at the end. I love my life now. Yes I have a life time of practice and won't ever be perfect but I'm ok with that. I don't have to run the most successful publishing company anymore. I don't need all those connections on LinkedIn, I don't have to be popular with hundreds of friends. All I need is me