[Closed] My Last Bad Day

Worked from home today. Gave the dog half a steak and ale pie for breakfast. I warmed it up so it smelled nice and then put it on one of my dinner plates on the floor next to the dog and cut it up with a knife and fork and pretended it was mine. I was making yummy noises and blowing it and telling her to leave it. Then I said go on then, you can have some and she jumped up and wolfed it down. Haha, I'm pyschologising my dog!!

Took her up the woods at lunch time. Hubby came too. We had a lovely gentle walk around and the dog really enjoyed it and was happy. 

I did alright at work. Didn't finish the project but I tried my best. 

I went to see my counsellor. She offered me another few sessions but I turned them down. Gonna have to face everything and do it on my own at some point so might aswell be now. She let me give her a hug which was nice and wished me all the best for the future and that. I will miss her. 

Logged back into work but I can't frame myself so I've logged off again. 

Gonna just do my cleaning jobs and not go football tonight. I'm a bit tired. No sense wearing myself out. I need to be fit at the end of the week to do my essay. I can go to the match on Saturday all being well. 

Drama x

Oh and my credit card bill came and it's half as much as it has been! Yay. 

You really are an inspiration to me DramaLlama with your great approach to life and I admire the way you don't let things get you down for too long.

You have always had to fight for what you've got and have overcome great obstacles to get to where you are now. It can't have been easy and you have my utmost respect for everything you have achieved.

Putting your own problems and difficulties to one side you always make time and put in the effort to help others. You show understanding, compassion and have a good sense of humour.

I think an important lesson I have learnt from reading your posts is that we can all change and make improvements to our lives but we must believe in ourselves and accept that we are worthy enough and deserving of peace, contentment and happiness.

If we spread our wings and fly than who knows what we might achieve. It is good to have dreams, hopes and aspirations and if sometimes things don't work out, than at least we have given it a go and done our best.

I am pleased to report that I am still gamble free but the challenges will really come at the end of the month when I get paid and am at my most vulnerable. 

I once posted in your diary that "Nothing Can Be Finer Than A CalmerDramaLlama" and now I am working on a mantra for myself to keep me focussed.

Respect and best wishes.

Stephen x 

Stephen, you're adorable! I reckon your opinion of me is heavily biased cos my post about swearing and wanting to fight the guy at the park was madness. However, I am smiling broadly and feeling super proud that you are taking something from all the stuff that I post. I hope you plan an itineray or something for when you have some pennies. Take yourself off for a few days. Get a day rover and travel the county on the train and visit some sites. It's not a dear do and going somewhere new might take your mind off it and appreciate what having pennies can bring you. Take a packed lunch and a camera. I dunno, just do summat new and different. 

Check out the local art galleries or library events. They are always good for passing an hour or two here and there. 

Onto my last sort of 24 hours......

....so last night I planned to just do my jobs, no Football so I could not wear myself out. Haha! The great plans of mice and men and DramaLlama! 

Hubby wanted to go to the pub. We stayed far too long and I ended up doing my two cleaning jobs far too late. My pal A that I went to Whitby with came in. She said her partner L was on his way but he didn't turn up in the time we were there. I suspect he's still mad that we left Whitby early and on his Birthday too but the fact is, the dog was wasting away and you have to put them first. It's like rule one of being a responsible pet owner. I have text him since we got back but he's not replied at all. I'm okay with that. 

I worked from home today, it wasn't planned but I had a bit of a thick head from drinking beer last night. 

I finished my project. I really helped two different sets of vulnerable people. I can't go into details cos it's work. What I will say is they were let down. I found out and put measures in place to make sure they are looked after now. I felt good about that. 

I went to Church with Hubby and the dog at dinner time. I played Pokemon. I am doing really well with it at the moment. Then we went to the shops. I made Corned Beef Hash with Poached Eggs for dinner and gave a portion to the dog. I got her to sit next to me on the couch and I blew on hers and made the yummy noises and fed her some by hand till I got her full interest then just let her eat it on the couch. What. A. Mess! Egg and Potato and Corned Beef everywhere but I don't care so long as she ate it. Brilliant! Hubby is happy too. 

I got a shoulder of pork for dinner tommoz. I'm gonna turn it into pulled-pork using my pressure cooker. I reckon that'll feed us for two whole days. Including the dog! 

I did 3 cleaning jobs tonight and I had to go see a man about a dog for Hubby. I dunno how I fit it all in. I am knackered. Literally just got in and sat down. I've missed all the decent telly shows but never mind. I'll take extra on cos we need the dosh. Spent far too much in Whitby trying to keep up with the Jones's. Won't make that mistake again. Once we are out of the overdraft I will stop with the extra extra work. 

That is all. 

Drama x

I 

Rain rain more rain and even more tomorrow but the sun is coming out to play on Sunday.

You and your lovely dog might get a little bit wet tomorrow when going for walkies but never mind. It is nice to walk in the rain if one is well wrapped up.

Wishing you a super duper weekend along with your delightful if somewhat neurotic pet and charming hubby. May there be smiles and lots of fun all around the Drama household with time for studying plus games and jolly adventures.

Your decision to return home from Whitby a day early was perfectly understandable in my mind and you have no need to apologise to anyone. You have offered a perfectly good explanation so it is not your problem if another individual chooses to behave in a childish and unreasonable manner. Just ignore it.

Thank you for the advice regarding payday at the end of the month. You are quite right in that I need to have other plans to take my mind off gambling. I would like to save some money for Christmas really and there are a few purchases I need to make. I am normally a responsible person in everyday life but gambling brings about a change in me which is definitely not for the good.

Stephen x 

Let sleeping dogs lie. I keep repeating that to myself. When I wonder where gambling urges come from. I just say "let sleeping dogs lie". It's really helping me. For years I've heard about depression being the big black dog. Well, right now he's fast asleep in front of the fire and I'm tip toeing around him. I don't care to wake him. I am happy again. I just wanna be happy. 

Drama x

Hi drama,

Amazing saying about letting sleeping dogs lie. Couldn't be more true.

Depression is truly difficult illness to manage. But that's what we can do, manage it around our life. Same as urges, its bound to rear its ugly head up time to time but how we deal with it, provides the outcome.

Self compassion is the strongest tool against all the negatives in life. Build on that and life will light up in many colours.

I like reading your diary. You always provide honesty and have a unique way to express your thoughts. I often laugh also as you put it down it quite a fashion. Very simple, every day tasks/struggles would sound like its only skeleton however you dress it up giving every single thing a deep meaning...and that requires skill ?

Ever thought of writing a book? Just an idea.

Wish you, your fur friend and hubby all the best. You're embarking this journey of life with an open mind and ...let me tell you - it will take you very far if you keep dealing with it the way you are!

Have a good day...even if a rainy one. When heart is sharing the sun rays, the world lights up accordingly. Shine that light hun!

S&B xx

A beautiful and thought provoking post.

You have a lovely way with words DramaLlama. Your hopes, fears and sentiments come from the heart and are a great source of inspiration.

Stephen x 

Hope your ok drama, you left chat pretty quickly. There was no need to say sorry, you didn't say anything wrong.

Stace xx

Fin. 

I have posted on here before but because I'm moderated they haven't approved it yet, when you can finally see this post, scroll up and you'll see my other one x

Where is DramaLlama? I hope that your ok.

Maybe you and your hubby and dog have been out having fun all day

Your last post simply said Fin which is really not all that clear

For that is the bit on the top of a fish which helps the poor thing to steer

I do not wish to be nosey or cause you any alarm

Just hoping you are gamble free - peaceful contented and calm

I appreciate the post Stace. I was just in a boo cos I was trying to play the Devil's Advocate, not slate someone behind their back. I'm over it now. 

I wonder how long you'll be on moderation for. That's gotta be frustrating for you. 

My weekend. 

Went to Football yesterday and my team won. I went to the pub with Hubby and got wellied. Asked someone on my day jobs group chat if he was ***. He is. Went to bed shortly after cos I felt like I'd embarrassed myself but read it back this morning and he seemed pretty happy to be asked so it's all good. 

Was hungover this morning. Hubby called me down from upstairs cos he was worried about the dog still not eating. She's super skinny and wouldn't eat ought. I am running out of ideas but said that she has mostly been eating after I get back from work and in the evenings so I'll not take her to the park until she actually eats something. 

I went and did my two cleaning jobs. (Took the dog with me as she likes the ride and guarding the car).

The first was a right state cos they've had decorators in. I got there at 1 o clock'ish and next time I looked up it's 4:15. Dang! I'd missed the supermarket. I just went straight to my next job. I looked at my phone and it's 3:15. I'd forgotten about the clocks changing. I still did extra but not so much. I did a quick clean at the second place and drove straight home. The dog cried when we passed the park but I said you need to eat pup. Can't exercise till you eat. Got home and Hubby was making a ham sandwich. He gave me some to try with the dog. I made her sit and hung in the air and said "be gentle" in a stern voice so she was all tense and staring at it wondering what it was. Then she snaffled it right quick. I shouted hubby to fetch me some more quickly. Got nearly half a pack down her. Then I had an idea. I asked Hubby to fetch a handful of bakers complete moist dog food and got him to sit on the other side of the rug and we played flick football with the nuggets of dog food. Everytime it went off the rug, I asked the dog to fetch it. She wanted "the ball" so much that she snaffled it. We got three handfuls of food down her playing this game. 🙂 

Then I took her to the park. It was dark but I didn't care. I promised her a walk if she ate and she delivered. 

I am 28 days gamble free. I'm gonna keep my opinions to myself unless they are helpful in future. 

That is all. 

Drama 

xoxoxoxo

I don't understand how the g word that means boys like boys is forbidden? It's not a bad thing. 

OK DramaLlama,

thanks for pointing out that the website is censoring that word.  I'll share your feedback with the forum team leader so that they can fix it.  You are right, it shouldn't be automatically censored.

Take care,

Forum admin.