My worst Birthday....

Like I imagine many people on this forum, I work flippin hard in my job. I often go above and beyond the call of duty to make sure I give 100% to the cause. I ask myself, for what? To throw away my hard earned wages on bets that aren’t in my favour to begin with? To cause needless stress and anxiety upon myself? I’m hoping that this is my realisation that there is so much more to life than this.

One thing I have thought about tonight as I lay here in bed, is that I’ve perhaps approached my recovery all wrong in the past. I’ve obsessed about the number of days I’ve been gamble free and have constantly checked my ‘quit app’ to watch the minutes tick away. I’m thinking about not gambling too much! So I’ve deleted the app and a number of other apps too so that I’m not on my phone as much. Generally, the days and weeks in my life seem to fly by at a rate of knots. So I’m hoping that’ll be the case if I don’t focus as much on my time away from gambling.

Day 2

I will not gamble, no matter what!

I just need to get through today and worry about tomorrow when it comes.

I am ready to get off. I feel like this is my time. Easy to say now, but only time will tell.

I hope to be able to quote this message in a few months/a year time and to feel proud again. I felt so proud in the summer when I managed 4 months gamble free. I want a peaceful life. Nothing more. I want to be able to look people in the eye again and not feel guilty about my gambling. Every journey has to have a start point. I’m hoping this is it.

My girlfriend commented last night that I seemed subdued and distracted. It breaks my heart to hear her say this and it gives me even more determination to put things right, once and for all.

She doesn’t deserve a distracted boyfriend.

It’s time to sort myself out and get back to being the guy that she fell for. I will do this.

Day 2 safely negotiated.

Going to have a relaxing evening and an early night.

Day 3

I managed to get through yesterday which was tricky, I must admit.

But I got through it which was the most important part. Today will be a bit easier as I can escape the football for a bit.

The urges definitely lessen for me after around 3 weeks of being gamble free, so if I can get to the end of the year gamble free, I can build on that.

I’ve worked out that I’ve lost £2,615 since May which some on here will think is not a lot and some will be thinking otherwise.

Regardless, it’s more than just the money. It’s the time invested in this awful addiction. So many precious days wasted. I want that to end.

Every journey must start somewhere. Hopefully, mine started 3 days ago.

Dan

Day 4

Very much in survival mode at the moment. Just making sure I get from morning until night without trying to gamble.

On the plus side, having looked at myself in the mirror this morning, I’m already looking (and feeling) a lot better. I look less tired and stressed for a start.

You can do this Dan, stay strong mate. I’m on Day 1, so tough!

Cheers pal! Wishing you the best of luck on your journey.

It is tough. Very tough in fact. But we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to fight hard and to try and manage this addiction. There is a much better world out there waiting for us. It’s up to us to seize the opportunity.

Keep active on here mate and let us know how you’re getting on.

Day 4 safely negotiated.

Shower and bed soon. I can tuck myself under the covers tonight, feeling like I’ve won today’s contest. A step further away from my last bet.

I’m in a better position than this time yesterday.

Day 5

Back from work after a mentally tiring day.

I’m purposely trying to keep away from the sports tonight and any sports news. Straight to Comedy Central and Gold to watch some Christmas comedy to unwind.

The urges have been strong today but thankfully they’ve not lasted for too long before I came to my senses.

I’m tucked in for the evening now so I can safely say it’s another winning day for me.

With each passing day that I’m gamble free, I’m feeling stronger in my recovery.

Thank you, Caughtup. It’s amazing to see just how far you’ve come in the last 194 days.

Your life must seem a million times better than the one you left behind. I’m so pleased for you!

I’m just trying to set myself small, manageable targets at the moment. If I can get through the day unscathed, then that’s a success.

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas too, Caughtup. You’ve earned the right to have flippin great one!

Take care x

Day 6

Payday today. Though that rarely makes a difference to me if I’m honest. It gives me no further urge to gamble whether it’s payday or not.

My sole aim today is to make it through to the close of play without gambling. I’m keeping it as simple as that.

I’m currently working on trying to improve my eating and sleeping. My FitBit tracker would suggest I’m sleeping a lot better at the moment without gambling. I do feel more alert at work which has been important. There are so many advantages to not gambling that it’s madness to even contemplate gambling.

3 more days at work and then I have a 2 week break which is very much needed.

thanks for the post on my diary dan, really made a difference

San15 wrote:

Hi Dan,

I'm glad to read your continued progress in this good fight.

Yes, gambling affects all the aspects of life. From sleep to food to self esteem not to mention financial side.

Yoire doing right things, keep it a in a day and the world will brighten up accordingly.

Believe in yourself!

Thanks Sandra. I will certainly try to believe in myself.

Day 7

A week without gambling and I’m beginning to feel a little better about things. The urges, when they come, are still strong but I’m feeling more resiliant by the day.