NEED PEOPLE... I just need people like you to be there for me right now

Mate, the truth is we all need support. We are social animals (even if you are a bit of an introvert, like myself!).

We kid ourselves we don't need help in life sometimes and its not just gamblers guilty of that. How else do we get to connect and care with/for people. I thought nothing of doing anything for the people i care about but i used to feel guilty having people do things for me. The fact is, helping people makes me feel good. Its win, win and why should i feel guilty when that person would get that 'good feeling' if i was the one being helped/supported. It builds deeper and stronger bonds.

Great to hear you doing well and accepting where you are. We are not helpless or hopeless. People are there for us (whoever they may be) if only we allow them to be.

Have a good weekend.

All the best.

sjw wrote:

Mate, the truth is we all need support. We are social animals (even if you are a bit of an introvert, like myself!).

We kid ourselves we don't need help in life sometimes and its not just gamblers guilty of that. How else do we get to connect and care with/for people. I thought nothing of doing anything for the people i care about but i used to feel guilty having people do things for me. The fact is, helping people makes me feel good. Its win, win and why should i feel guilty when that person would get that 'good feeling' if i was the one being helped/supported. It builds deeper and stronger bonds.

Great to hear you doing well and accepting where you are. We are not helpless or hopeless. People are there for us (whoever they may be) if only we allow them to be.

Have a good weekend.

All the best.

Hey sjw great to hear from you as always. Your insights always welcome within my diary.

Yeah I've come to terms with the amount of work in front of me now is coming out of my shell, becoming a better version of myself and ultimately becoming selfless and leaving behind the selfish. The whole thing in its entirety almost sounds unrelated to gambling but really it's not... Like you said we all need support and for so long now I've tried to self-regulate my gambling and failed. The knock on effect of failure has made me more introverted and isolate myself - even from friends and loved ones. Then the cycle repeats eventually and i try to pick up the pieces alone.

I can see on the forum that for some abstainence from gambling is enough for them and paying off their debts will fulfill the hole left by gambling. But for me (and many others it seems) I don't want to get back to square one. Square one sucked for me. There are better squares out there I can get too and start afresh from. And people are willing to help me get there so I will embrace that support and count myself lucky.

ALN wrote: Pleased to see the previous level of self pity finally gone and that you're now improving in your recovery.

Hey ALN. Nice to hear from you. Straight talking as always :o)

That self-pity phase was weird. I guess the ego takes over and makes you believe that the situation is unique in itself and noone will understand your particular circumstances. GA has been imperative in my recovery (as you told me it would be)

It gave me a new lease of life. Maybe I got lucky and entered a 'magic room' - but the guys there are incredible. They offered me key parts of my soul and psyche back... Self esteem, hope, confidence and most importantly it served as a place where I could forgive myself for my sins.

They are all such decent people who made the same mistakes I have so I can't be all bad. This has been crucial learning in my recovery. Also I still have everything in tact... Just a bit skint nowadays. But boy am I aware that I am one of the lucky ones. And I'm only 35. Again... How lucky am I. The ego doesn't have a place at the GA table which for me is one of the key reasons to its potency and success.

Hi signalman

Thanks for posting the podcast link on my diary, will listen.

Getting the Allen Carr book will be the best few pounds spent ever, believe me. I just don’t care about gambling anymore, it’s a con and you and me ain’t getting conned anymore. Good luck, I hope we can stay in touch on the diaries as you seem like a descent person who just got mixed up in the wrong activity, like all on here.

Shaun

A pipe is leaking in our house. Water coming through the ceiling. Watching the workman tear out our ceiling. Thank God I renewed the pipe insurance. A few weeks ago I would have fallen apart at this and self-loathing kicked in.

Now i see life twists and turns and I just need to roll with the punches. If I didn't have the insurance I would've been spanked financially so this is money saved. I'm the winner today. My bets have come in so to speak. You can get the same high from life as you did from betting if you change your perspective. Stay strong all. Tell those weekend urges to do one.

Magnetism wrote:

Compulsive gambling is an emotional problem.

I too have lost large amounts of money...Over...and over...

The thing it turns into is ugly....Really ugly! It, for me, is so serious that my mental health took an enourmous turn 1 year ago and I have been to hell. What was a harmless game turned me into something that I cannot even understand. The good news is I'm here and determined to not let my mind trick me no more!

I hear you about the emotional problem. When I did my load last month I distinctly remember thinking to myself that I deserved a 'treat' for all the headache and heartache that's come my way recently and then I went online.

Now I'm realising that it's not a treat. It is the dark arts. I'm only interested in spending my time on things that help solves problems... Gambling solves nothing.

And as a footnote this experience has taught me that money is not a problem... Its not a problem solver... It's nothing... Just currency to take then give back... Almost like a simple covenant you create with society in order to be human. Nothing more. That doesn't mean masses of debt means nothing, of course not... I need to build up finance again to show my wife I'm responsible and earn her respect back. I need to ensure my son has a good life... He has his whole life ahead of him. The numbers on the final balance mean nothing but the security I will provide my family will pay dividends and that means everything to me.

Just need to start hammering that overtime now :o(

I just had a bit of an epiphany.

What I need to do is compartmentalise gambling as one massive con. An preordained trap with an engineered outcome that will not be in my favour. If I can successfully compartmentalise the whole concept of gambling under the banner of a big con in my mind then I shouldn't have a problem saying no again.

What do I mean by this...

If I sent you an email outlining that I was an exiled prince with 50million US dollars tied up in a trust fund somewhere and just needed your bank details to obtain the money before splitting it with you... What would you do... Of course you'd delete the email, laugh and carry on with your day. You wouldn't spare a second thought to the email. Because instantly your mind tells you that it's not real, it's a con... The outcome will be to the gain of the con artist and not you if you proceed. You have nothing to gain from sending a response. In the case of gambling... The operator is the con artist... The bonuses, the promos, the glitz, the glamour, the near misses, the nominal wins... Even bigger wins... none of those are real. If you indulge the ultimate outcome will be that you will be snared and you will eventually lose. I need to put gambling in the same box as those emails.

I stopped playing FOBT's ages ago because one time I covered everything number bar one and 3 times in a row that number came out. I walked away from them and never returned... My mind compartmentalised the FOBT as massive con. I don't want to be victim of a con so I never returned to them.

I can't convince myself of the above overnight. It will take a lot of work. Today I have been learning about some of the mechanisms casino games use to con their targets - the 'near miss' and the 'loss disguised as a win'. Think of your game of choice. The terminology is pretty self-explanatory... I bet those tools are planted discreetly somewhere in your game. Recognise them. There is much more research I need to do in this area to help me oust gambling in my head as a big con.

Moreover - I need to keep working on myself. One day a time... Do more, achieve more, feel better. When I get some steam behind me in this area once again it will help me to recognise that gambling not only cons me out of money, it also cons me out of life. I'm reduced to nothingness when I gamble (compassion, productivity, selflessness, connection = 0 lies, deceit, selfishness, isolation = 100). I don't have any more money to give gambling, nor do I want to offer it any more of my life... Especially when it's a con and I get nothing in return.

If I crack the above next time I'm presented with the opportunity of gambling I'll laugh in its face and walk off. It will be as easy as deleting a nonsense email.

very well said buddy. I totally agree that casinos, bookies, the house you name it, they are a big con artist and they always win. Absolutely spot on. It's just a shame that it took me well over 10 years to realise the fact you can never win against these lot. Oh well, better late than never I guess.

Yes, you're right that it cannot be achieved overnight. However, with hard work and dedication we shall overcome this horrible illness for good, just needs patience. You're doing very good my friend. Keep it up. All the best.

Pras

You know what... The scouts were packing shopping bags in Tesco today. The lad asked me for a pound to pack my bag. Usually:

I'd say no. Sod off kid. I need the pound. Its my money. I like to pack my bag my way (im compulsive). Plus I'm working right now so I don't come to work to lose money. I come to work to earn money. Sod off kid.

(There are so many references to 'I' in there).

Today:

I used to be a scout. He has some of the same badges I used to have. It would bring a smile to his face and help him to have a good day. Yeah I haven't got a pot to P**s in these days but a pound spent is nothing when it will offer the lad positive reinforcement that he is doing a good thing in life today and it may help him to acquire another badge (the last 3 customers said no to him). Yeah I'm on work time but I've spent colossal amounts of money on gambling during work time so this pound will be well spent for a change.
Yeah he's put the beef joint in with the loo rolls but just take a breath, don't burst his bubble and I can put the beef joint in another bag with the cold stuff once im round the corner.

That experience/exchange today was about him... It wasn't all about me for a change. I served merely as an accessory to his experience.

This is what it's all about for me moving forward.

Well done Signalman that was a very kind gesture from you. It's so incredible isn't it that we look things in a different perspective, in such a positive manner once we turn our back on gambling. When I was trapped in that vicious circle all I cared about winning and I would wish bad things on eveone after I'd lose everything eventually. What a nasty man it made me. Anyway, keep up the good work mate. You're doing very well. Take care.

Pras

Congratulations on your recovery. But not sure that boasting about charity-giving is quite the heroic sacrifice

Louis

Hi signalman,

thank you for sharing your experience today, it sounds like you have been doing quite a bit of reflecting lately. It also sounds like you are re-evaluating your relationship with money. You are indeed right that a small act of kindness that is no skin off your nose could make a big difference to that young man (incorrectly:-)) packing your shopping.

Keep reflecting and keep sharing, I think a lot of people on here take inspiration from your journey.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

cardhue wrote:

Congratulations on your recovery. But not sure that boasting about charity-giving is quite the heroic sacrifice

Louis

Ha ha I've got a lot to learn eh Louis? To be fair I do give to charity every year but last couple of years I have given gambling money to charity so have completely missed the point of the gesture. It's amazing how self-centred I've been for such a long time and never really realised? Maybe I thought this is the norm and how everyone else behaves... Its a shame it has taken this mess I created for me to open my eyes and understand that I need to change. Its scary to think how I could've continued being so selfish and self-centred had this not happened. I suppose I feel like I'm learning to be a proper adult which will take time and effort as I have been living irrationally and irresponsibly for so long now.

Ps I read your post about nomophobia which I found quite interesting... I hope you're getting the better of that one. Yesterday I was talking about it with someone and they said go wait for a flight at the airport and you will see nomophobia in its full glory. Its a tough one to crack really... I can only think of setting time limits on usage but then of course you may be putting it down and yearning to pick it up again so not really tackling the problem. Someone I know downloaded a mindfulness app and when they get an urge to muck about on phone they use that instead so it's time better spent on phone (ie self improvement) anyway good luck!

I hope everyone has a good day out there today.

Bad morning yesterday but turned it around.

Ate a dodgy carvery on Sunday and had to take Monday off work. Felt very sorry for myself and also anger at losing a day's work. Wasted a morning in bed with negative thoughts and feeling low. Procrastination took over coupled with self-loathing and mild urges.

Luckily someone from GA happened to check in on me just at the right time and pumped me up for the day. Felt much better after a chat and was far more productive in the afternoon. Topped the day off with an extra GA session at a new location. Made some new friends and good to have the extra support in my corner, I certainly needed it yesterday. Tough day yesterday but today is a new day. Good luck out there everyone.