new beginning

Self exclude?

Hey Toad. You said you only had a fiver today, so how did you end up losing £20? Toad is a funny guy, but this isn't a funny situation. I've just arranged a counselling assessment session, I feel shame, guilt, disgust, embarrassment and I'm guessing you feel the same. You keep pretending that you're attempting to stop, so stop lying to yourself and do it. How you're feeling now, remember that when you are near the 'turfs' tomorrow, that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. Click on the Support and Counselling button above, and arrange to talk to someone, please Toad.

Hai Toad,

Being beat up by one of our behaviours isnt that easy as you are finding out. Its not as if we're jacking up or getting a case of the DT's, its a lot slyer than them, but very similar. When i saw you'd got your sandwich from M&S, i then figured you must feel like your surrounded by bookies and what was the point in self excluding! But it sure could give you some pleasure in giving them a 2 fingered salute.

Its a right bi.tch giving up something you enjoy and a bit akin to loving a girlfriend and them not loving you back. Its hard S****e to get your head around. We tend to think we're unique and possibly not as weak as other poor soul addicts, but thats where the deceptive s**t.e eats us up. Its such a downward spiral, pushing and blocking the deception we do to ones close, it goes against our grain.

I do agree that our environment can hinder us, so thats where we need to accept that we need help. I'm sure your Mrs is a good sort, but she will probably need her own support in trying to figure out your fed up/ distant moods.

I'm not going to suggest anything external ie GA/Councelling, thats upto you and just by reading you can see what suits you and what doesnt. You will probably make some wrong decisions but thats part of the education. It becomes tiring, when all we do is beat our selves up, even when its only a fiver or so.....

This is a bi.tch of an addiction and if it did have a face i would imagine it to look like a warted faced gargoyle toad....

Best take a lunch box tommorow then toad...x

Hello Loxie, volcano and twinklr,

Thankyou for the good advice.

Day 1

Okay i am trying again. I want time away from gambling. My head is wrecked.

Toad.

Like I said....take a lunch box....no cash...triangle broke ...no gambling....come on toad...show us you can do one day....xxx

Paul, what will be different today?

Hi everyone,

I have £5 in today for lunch. That is it. Surely it's foolproof.

Toad.

Sounds like yesterday.

Come on toad....read some diarys on here...see how hard the rest of us are trying....we are all rooting for you but you have to want change....or nothing changes...x

Let me invest a bit of time on you and ask a question.

Paul, If you were walking to work and it started to rain, you would be annoyed if you didn't have your umbrella and weren't even wearing a coat! You would then spend the morning wet and miserable. If on the next day, the weather was the same would you still go to work without a brolly and coat!

i am sure that you would do something different that would protect you!

Paul, your posts suggest that every day it is raining but you are still not protecting yourself!

As has been said many times - keep doing the same things and you will keep getting the same results.

You can't stop it raining but you can do something to protect yourself against getting wet!!!

That sounds like a fool proof plan Toad, if only you did that yesterday. Oh hang on just a cotton picking second, you did. But you still mysteriously managed to lose £20??

Thankyou All.

Yes it's raining everyday for me with hail and thunderstorms.

I can solve the mystery of the ВЈ20. I lied to my wife and got £20 to 'buy something' Then I blew it in the bookies.

There's a nice happy ending just like a disney film.

Sigh.

Toad.

This is an honest diary once you see through the toad.

' Focus ' My in word ffor the day, no mysterys Toad.

Sighing in harmony with you...

ps.Bambi made me cry,wasnt a happy ending or me

Thanks Volcano,

Not in great spirits today. Just remembered I haven't taken my beta blockers, anti-depressants, blood pressure tablet and gout tablet. But i have only had 3 pints this year as I'm off alcohol.

Feeling annoyed today as I've lost my independance. This month though I'm taking the majority of my wages. It's nearly 2 years without control of money. I can't do it anymore. I need to work and see the money hit my account. I am losing the will.

Toad.