I completely get that!!. Your hitting a wall, working 6 days a week and not seeing progress via your account. A real vicious circle and just need to hold tight and try and enjoy the small things, like making your Mrs or a pal smile.
From every acorn, something is supposed to grow. I know that line wont raise your spirits, but theres always some truth in the old lines.
Have a good sandwich deal....
A delayed ps regarding your post to me ' I am not gambling....... for a while ' Did you add the 3 last words later?
Hey Toad, how did you get on today? Hoping you hopped it past Two Bellies Turfs and got yourself a nice sarnie.
Hello Twinklyr,
Yes I managed a day with no bets.
I'm at a crossroads once again. But i've decided to take control of wages again after nearly 2 years.
I'm gambling with my marriage as my wife may walk. I'm going through with it at any cost. Wish me luck.
The wife won't realise to payday. I am feeling quite low tonight.
My mood changes hour to hour.
Maybe a result of gambling.
Tomorrow I won't gamble.
Toad.
Maybe gambling?
Your taking a heaps of an amount of meds. I always question, does that dehumanise us?
Your Toad ears don't listen my friend but I think your making a huge mistake with taking control of your wages. Only my humble, but I get it! And that's why I think your wrong.
Up to you! the Chinese man would say..
ps have you seen the film ' Crossroads' it's really not the place to be
Hi Toad,
What do you mean by take control of wages? You're going to pay the bills and the mortgage? Do the food shopping? That aside, gambling with your marriage is some heavy S***e, so no wonder you are feeling low.
I'm no expert but I would suggest your mood is changeable because of guilt and anticipation of something that once done could have serious repercussions with the consequences far higher than not being able to buy yourself some lunch. I'm not going to wish you luck, I'm going to ask you to think again. How do you think it would go if you spoke to your wife now about what you want to do, giving her the reasons why? Paul you can't just go and take the money without telling her. I've been reading the family and friends section a lot this past month, although I have already lived through the aftermath of spending money that should have gone on my family, it is still a very sobering exercise. Seeing the poor souls laid bare, and the message time and time again is about the deceit - that is what hurts most.
I'm proud of my funny Toad for not gambling today, but don't let Toad get too cocky, you're thinking about putting far more at risk than your fiver lunch money. Think again buddy.
Twinklyr
So, let me check my understanding. You are saying that you have decided that having unrestricted access to your money (as opposed to having an allowance each day) is more important to you than your wife?
This is despite everything you have said about what a wonderful woman she is and also you realise it will only make it easier for you to gamble and increase the downward spiral.
I just want to check that is what you are saying.
If so then Paul, you need to get support from your counsellor (assume you still have one). It may help for you to open this diary to them and show them your journey. You are at a crossroads but this is scary sh... that you are talking about.
Mate, we are not talking about losing a tenner, you are talking about losing your wife, I am sure that not even Toad would want to take that gamble!
Its time to make some real decisions and commit.
Hello folks,
Day 2.
Thankyou for advice. It is scary I know that. I feel like running away from everything.
I don't know what I want at the minute. Although I want my independence back.
I need to think over the weekend. It's 15 days till payday. At the minute I'm not changing things. If I crash and burn then so be it.
TOAD
No point running toad. ....gambling will catch you...chew you up and spit you out.....stop...turn round and smack it in the face !. ...you choice...i wish you well x
Hello folks,
Going to have a couple of beers at lunch. Or a beer and a Jack Daniels 🙂
Lifes too short and we need to enjoy it.
Toad.
Hello Diary,
I want to enter my thoughts honestly. One minute I want to be alone with my addiction and the other me is texting the wife I love you.
I don't understand myself. I am mixed up.
Toad.
Hi Toad , honestly mate , time to wake up and smell the coffee ! Just make a decision who you want to live with more your wife or your addiction , it's a no brainier in my book , gambling will always be there but your wife won't if you continue along this path , total support from your wife or total grief from your gambling , you choose ?
Keep writing. It unravels the thoughts.
You can drag a Toad to a lily pad but you can't make him hop on to it ☺
Hi folks,
Thanks for your comments. I fell off the lily pad 13 years ago and I'm still trying to get back on.
Toad
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