new beginning

ALAN 135 wrote:

Hi Toad , honestly mate , time to wake up and smell the coffee ! Just make a decision who you want to live with more your wife or your addiction , it's a no brainier in my book , gambling will always be there but your wife won't if you continue along this path , total support from your wife or total grief from your gambling , you choose ?

A phrase heard often in GA is 'you can't bull&** a bull$^&&%$£'

Its easier to see the faults in others than ourselves so i try not to throw stones at greenhouses.

Only advice I will offer you is to take a breath. Try not to make any snap decisions especially when emotional.

but like I say, easy to see faults in others than ourselves. I'm going back to my own self reflection now. Just wanted to say good luck.

Thankyou triangle,

Well i borrowed £60 from friends. Got drunk and blew the lot on the turfs.

Says it all.

Toad.

oh dear toad....I will be thinking of you in the morning when you feel the guilt...self loathing...sinking feeling in the stomach....and when your friend ask for his £60 back....nothing will change....untill you change it ! X

Hi loxxie,

The self loathing starts now as i don't need to wait till the morning.

What have I become?

An ugly dirty toad with no values.

Toad

Hi,

Thinking of telling wife to get rid of me. It's bad enough hurting me. I can't do this anymore.

Toad.

Just talk to her. You're hurting her already by doing this behind her back..
Marriage can survive, just be honest.
You need a wake up call, make it! Commit Paul

I wish I could magically turn £5 that I take into work with me for 'lunch' into £20!!! What are you doing Toad? Hop past those d**n bookies x

What has happened today has answered the question about what would happen at the moment if you had complete access to your money. You're now feeling sorry for yourself (as you knew you would, because it happens to us all every time we gamble). You're lucky enough to have someone who loves you Toad, and you clearly love her, so what you were saying last night was a load of old cobblers. You know that you would rather have your wife in your life than gambling, someone earlier spoke about you having a choice - I can't see what the choice is? Self loathing and guilt, or the love and support of your wife? Where's the choice? Paul, there's a good man in there somewhere, time for Toad to croak it and let Paul out to start living a life without guilt and deceit.

When I first came back onto Gamcare about a month ago, you were in complete Toad mode, being churlish and sarcastic, you made me laugh out loud and to be perfectly honest, reading your diary is one of the reasons I have carried on lurking around the joint. Through being on here I've arranged counselling and the fog is clearing, (I'm 37 days gamble free now) so thank you for keeping me interested in the site. You can beat this b'stard addiction Paul, you have to believe you can though and get off this rollercoaster of emotion you've been on. Take positive steps my friend.

Hello Twinklr,

Thankyou for your advice. Your post made me smile aswell. I'm really happy if I can help you and others. I know i haven't had a straight forward journey.

Today though I did not gamble. I was at a funeral today and i chatted to a man who had a drink problem and goes to AA. I chatted for a while. There is a similarity with alcohol addiction and gambling. I did not tell him I had a gambling problem. Shame I guess.

Where am i now?

I have a turbulent last few days.
It's time to calm down and think straight.

I am thinking I will wire money to wife on payday. I was devastated losing £60 imagine losing more. What do i have?

A loving wife
A roof over my head
Food
A job
A car
Holidays
Health

I have alot to be gratefull for. Gambling does just bring misery.

Thankyou everyone for your advice it means alot. I am gratefull that people spend time writing and helping me.

So today i didn't gamble and i am thankfull for what i have. Today toad sat on the lily pad and stayed safe. My tongue shot out and i caught a few flies on the river. My feet were cold today but i was safe. A toads life is a simple one if you stay on the lily pad.

I better ribbit on here. Thankyou amphibians for listening.

Toad.

That was a post from Paul not the Toad. ..

Hello you, sounds like you have been re-evaluating and although today must have been a sad one, it was useful. You certainly do have a lot to be thankful for, more than lots of people have. Stay safe on that lily pad Toad and enjoy a lovely day with your better half tomorrow (then make a packed lunch for Monday to clock up 4 days gf).

Twinklyr (don't forget the y) 🙂

Thanks Twinklyr,

Yes it was a sad day. It was my wifes granny who passed away.

Today is Sunday. No turfs open today 🙂

Going to rest today. Nothing much planned. Hey it's valentines day i just remembered. I have card downstairs and jewellery must get that sorted.

Happy valentines amphibians.

Toad

Hey Toad,

You must be on day 4 - woop woop, about the longest run you've had in a while. Make it 5, make me smile. What's the worst that could happen if you swerve the enemy today? You have a lovely lunch or go home with a few quid in your pocket - that's a win in my book.

Twinklyr

Good afternoon twinklyr,

I brought ВЈ80. Give my friend ВЈ40. Bought stew at £3 for lunch.

And.......

Blew the rest in the turfs.

Nothing to add but back to the drawing board.

Toad.

Nothing changed yet then toad....I don't think you are ready yet mate....I've had mr gamble sat on my f*****g shoulder all day edging me on to gamble....ok...so I'm blocked from sites etc....but I expect I could have found away if I had really really wanted to....but I didn't....and boy am I glad...and proud..I've not got that sick feeling in my gut...and I'm not back on day one......I've won today....and its cost me nothing.....but it was not easy....recovery is not easy....running to gamble is....come on mate....give it a proper go..xxx