new beginning

Hello Paul

Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like it was incredibly traumatic. It's good that you are planning to take a break from the drinking but it does sound like it might be an idea to talk to your GP. In the meantime, have a good work birthday party. If you're struggling, do call Dunlewey Addiction Services on 08000 886 725. Don't be alone with this.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Hello Admin,

Thankyou for you comments and advice. I really do believe i am turning a corner. I just want to be a better person. Things are really looking up.

Thankyou admin and all the support i have been given. It really does mean alot.

Paul.

Morning All,

On the bus for work. I just had a slice of toast and tea this morning. I got up at 5.30 to make my wife a nice tuna salad with spring onion, tuna, lettuce, baby tomotoes, silverside onions and cucumber.

Anyway back to gambling. I went out Friday night drinking i had cash but no urges to gamble. But i have self excluded from a few bookies and it really does help.

Today i am starting a diet and i am off alcohol.

I also quit my anti depressants and beta blockers.

A new start. I find drink makes me happy that day but down the next day. On saturday i went to bed at 5pm.

Today is a new day. Let's embrace it. Enjoy it as much as we can. Even toad is happy today, hopping around like he won the lottery.

Stay safe everyone. Stay on the lily pad.

Toad

Hi Paul your posts make for good reading, I'm really pleased for you. Wcid x

Hi WCID,

Thankyou for your kind comments.

Yesterday was a game of 2 halves. I was relaxed up to 12pm then my day got bad. I got stressed. A few things happened. Then i panicked and thought of moving out AKA running away from everything.

My head is a bit mixed up but i need to sort myself out.

Am i feeling c**P without gambling? Yesterday i went into the turfs and had a coffee. I had £2 but no urges to gamble. I just watched it and left.

On a positive note. Off alcohol and had a salad yesterday for lunch and a healthy dinner.

I hope everyone has a great day.

If we all don't gamble it takes one less problem away and it is a big problem too.

Best wishes.
Paul

Paul,

I was once at a friends house and her young son ran into the room, feeling sick. He was literally running round in circles trying to escape from the discomfort but even at the age of six, he couldn't. Only time and throwing up cured him.

What do you think you are doing in the turfs, from where you are self excluded? If you intend to stay dry, stay away from wet places.

If you reread your diary, you'll see that coffee or lunch in the turfs has always led to betting in the turfs - first lunch money, then a few £20s, more still, until you blow your wages. Only an addict would think this time will be different. It won't.

Use GA - go to more frequent meetings and use the telephone list. And ditto AA.

It's hard but you will learn to cope with the compulsions without using. Get help as and when you need it, call the helpline here but don't use again. You've been doing well, you can get past this early stage.

CW

Hello Cynical wife,

Thankyou for your post. I totally get what you mean.

I should not have been there. I had a free coffee but hardly a sensible place to be.

To be honest i don't know how my wife has put up with me. Even my counselor asked me why she hadn't left me. I am trying to be a better person... My wife does not know I come under toad i just wanted it to be my diary.

But i just want to thank my wife for standing by me. She is a wonderfull person. She has health problems since age 13 but she worked hard and is now a principle of a primary school. I always turn to her for advice she is a true friend and a great wife.

Chat soon.
Paul

Paul,

I'm sure you're wife's tolerance levels rival mine but you need to sort yourself out. For you. Being grateful for her whilst you sit in the turfs is ...somewhat confused? Addict behaviour? Hypocritical?

Stay out of wet places, try dry ones, that is, meetings.

BW,

CW

Hi Cynical wife,

Thankyou for your post. I really can't argue with what you say.

I am being a hypocrite
I am an addict
And yes i am confused.

Last night i was packing my bags to leave (again) i was talked out of it.
I am changeable and also up and down.

But

I can change.......

I will change....

Paul.

Real change is difficult isn't it but as addicts many still want the easy solution?

Hi Everyone,

Not a great day. It started with me freaking out about the new house.

I phoned work for a day off. Theni started packing to leave and run away. Texted my wife and she rang and calmed me down.

I made the bus to work and cancelled my day off. Took some medication.

Went to the turfs and played on fobts and won a wee bit. Backed a horse and won a bit. Backed a greyhound and won a bit.

Then i went home and went for a run.

Yes i am very mixed up but relaxed again.

Tomorrow is a new day.
Paul.

Morning All,

I am feeling more relaxed and happier within myself.

I had a light breakfast. A boiled egg and one slice of toast with a strong coffee.

I have £30 winnings from yesterday and yes I am tempted to gamble today.

When i have money i don't think of buying anything.

Still waiting to hear regarding the house.

Gambling will always be with me. I enjoyed it too much to forget about it. The one thing i will change is not having access to large amounts of cash. That's the game changer.

Here are the results today.

Toad 1 turfs 0

Toad

Hi folks.

I now have ВЈ160 after lunch. I am so happy. I only went in with £20.
I feel so good.

Toad.

Oh dear toad. ..what can I say !
Next time I expect it will be
"Went in with ВЈ160...came out with £20 !
Then it wil get worse...and worse and WORSE !
but then you know all this don't you....
Only one winner here....and its NOT YOU. ..it's the bookies yet again...come on...you can do this...x

For the first time I can see why you're Toad some days and Paul on other days. I like Paul much better.

I know that things are very tough for you. Reading between the lines there's a lot going on and you're finding it difficult to cope with it all. The truth is though, that at some point that £160 that makes you so happy right now will be gone. It's just gambling tokens that you'll give back to the turfs (which, by the way, I thought you were excluded from). You might turn it into £1600...but you'll lose it all. You're a compulsive gambler. That money is only on short term loan from the bookies. Why would this time be any different than all the times before? And then you'll have to go back to being Paul and facing all the problems and difficulties that you're trying to hide from. The house move, your wife, the IVF, the in-laws...they'll still be there but you'll be in a much worse position to be able to deal with them. It seems that when you can't physically run away (as you keep wanting to do) you run away emotionally in the turfs.

You can stop this now...today. But you have to want to and choose to make it happen. You were doing it. Things were starting to get better and then bam...you stop your meds, and start going back into the bookies "for a coffee" and just two days later and you're gambling again. You're worth more than this and so is your wife. You have things you need to get straightened out in your life. Address them...stop running. You can run but at some point you have to stop and this will all be so much worse when you run out of P**f.

So many people are rooting for you, but you're not rooting for yourself.

LifeBegins x