new beginning

Hello All,

At city Airport heading to London for IVF consultation.

Our bid was accepted on the house. Part of the mortgage has went through so just waiting to see if it's a success.

If they ask for januarys bank statements the banks will see £600 in high street gambling transactions.

Please don't let my past catch up with us.

Paul.

Hi Paul you havnt posted for a while, hope you and Mrs Paul are well. Wcid

Hello WCID,

Thankyou for you for asking how We were.

You know I just took a wee break.
I haven't been gambling apart from doing the lotto twice.

Offer accepted on our bid for a new house so just waiting on mortgage going through.

I'm not as stressed as i was.

The IVF went ok in London. Going back in mid May.

I think i'm finally realising how destructive gambling is. I know i am not cured and i need barriers up.

I hope everyone is doing well in their journey.
Paul.

That's all good to hear Paul you and Mrs Paul are on plan for a happy future. You have done great Paul. Wcid.

Hello WCID,

Awk thanks alot. I have come a long way but i don't manage my wages anymore. Some people might say i haven't progressed. What I do accept is that gambling has me beat and i don't trust myself with cash.

I still feel nervy but maybe it's the other things going on in my life at the minute.

BUT i won't complain. Last week in work a 45 year old work colleague was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It puts it all in perspective.

Good luck everyone in your battles big and small and remember to keep smiling.

Paul.

Morning All,

I am delighted our mortgage for the house went through.

I must thank my wife for her support.

I must thank the counselor who recommended my wife control the finances 2 years ago.

I must thank everyone on gamcare for their help, advice and support.

I must thank god for looking after me.

I must thank my lucky stars that i realised i'd a problem and the turfs didn't destroy our dreams.

I am not cured but barriers do work and we all can turn things around.

So happy. Going for a beer at 12.30 to celebrate.

Toad is dead long live Paul.
Yes!!!

Great news, pleased for you Paul, keep up the hard work and keep winning for real.

Suzanne xxx

Morning All, thankyou suzanne,

On the bus heading to work. Seeing welfare today from 10am - 12pm. My manager referred me as i'd the suicidal thoughts

No temptation to bet today. It's so destructive.

At home i know a neighbour who jointly owned a petrol station. He used to take the daily takings and gamble it. He racked up alot of debt and they were forced to sell the petrol station. It was bought over by a different family. Guess what? He now works for them stacking shelves. On top of this his wife has been diagnosed with cancer and he has kids. Very sad.

I suppose we can look at gambling as a cancer on society.
It's just all destructive.

Anyway hopefully i give you food for thought as i remind myself why i shouldn't gamble.

Chat soon.
Paul.

Great to hear Paul. Enjoy!

Great news Paul....glad things are peeking up for you and the wife...life's good without gambling isn't it...well done xx

Hello All and thankyou Loxxie,

I went to see welfare yesterday. She was a really nice woman and easy to talk to.

I told her i'd just got out of a 5 year payday loan cycle of debt, cleared 5 credit cards, an overdraft and 2 loans.

We were going through IVF again as it failed first time and going private.

Finally we were in the process of moving house. Plenty going on.
I told her about my financial stresses in the past and mentally i was left a bit fragile.

Then she said in a horrified tone 'it isn't gambling?' i couldn't tell her. I said no !!! I couldn't let work know my dark secret.

I discussed my suicide attempt and my suicidal thoughts. They are leaving me but i need to watch.

I told her something i'd kept to myself. When in Barcelona in March with friends we were in the underground and a train was speeding up the track. For a second i thought i can jump and it would be over. I know thats not right.

The main thing from my meeting was to stay positive and i will.

I also rang my doctor for a stronger diazapam. I am coming off the beta blockers and antidepressents. I don't want my body filled with drugs. Look at prince the singer....

You know i was getting pulled in work for being 2 minutes early for a tea break and phoning in 5 minutes late for leave. See since i told them i had my belt off to end things they have backed off me and treated me better. Don't get me wrong my boss has been brilliant it was the boss above that. I think i scared them. They probably think i am crazy. I actually think i might be. But i took no pleasure in telling them what i was going to do and i hadn't planned to tell my boss that day. My boss is just so easy to talk to and caring and i opened up. It is good to talk. I also told the bosses it was not works fault why i thought of ending it. ( it was gambling )
And on that subject i think i have talked enough this morning.

Tomorrow i will post something that happened to me when i was 18. It changed my life and on the night it left me a nervous wreck. It may not seem related to gambling but it left me anxious and i think in later life i turned to gambling as an escape.

Anyway i hope you have a good day.
Paul.

Hi folks,

Bad day. 3 diazapam and 6 pints.
Hardly healthy living.

Can anyone relate to feeling healthy and happy when in the bookies?

If the anxiety continues into next week i'm going off sick long term.

I am numb.
Paul

Hi Paul,

I'm not good at giving out advice. I'd like to offer my support but we are pretty limited on here. It's not a good idea to mix diazepam and alcohol. Maybe you could give GamCare a ring and speak directly to someone? You're a good man Paul going through a rough time. Reach out ok? -joanxxx

Hello Judy and Deano.

Good advice. Tomorrow i'm taking drink only for my birthday then i'm taking time off alcohol and exercising.

Then i will try and get back to myself.

I am not gambling at the minute too.

Tomorrow is a new day.
Paul.

Morning All,

On the early bus for work. No gambling urges today. It's my work birthday party today 🙂

We are going to a nice chinese then ten pin bowling followed by a pub crawl. Was 41 on 21st April and that was the Queens birthday too.

I don't feel too bad this morning. It looks definate that the mortgage is through. It's a miracle we turned things around.

Yesterday i said i would tell you a quick story of what happened with me when 18.

Well at school a fellow pupil called me names. We ended up fighting. It was an even fight with no real winner. My 'friend' wanted a rematch so he went to my apponent who refused. To be honest i was glad.

Then a few months later i was in a different town eating with a mate in a restaurant. I turned around and 6 fellas were lined up at the window looking at me. One of the guys was the fella i fought.

I suddenly lost my appetite. Then the police arrived outside so i told my mate lets get outta here. So we walked halfway up the main street eating my burger i brought out. I turned around and 6 guys were walking briskly towards us. I told my mate to run and we both did. The chase was on.

Down streets, up streets. Lost my mate. Turned around they are hot on my tail. Seen an empty garage will i hide there. No i'd be trapped if caught.

Down more streets. 45 minutes running they are still coming. Okay i'm wearing a leather jacket i can jump through someones house window rather than get caught.

I turn a corner and down a street i spot a car with a wee light on inside it. I run over and open the back door. 'I'm being chased can you get me outta here? '

I had just jumped over all his musical instruments in the back. He struggled to get the key in the car to start it. I look out the back window they are still coming. I made it but was left traumatised.

I changed that day and my nerves took a hammering. I think it hasn't helped what i have become today. But i guess it's easy to make excuses.

I just thought i'd share that.
Have a gamble free day.
Paul.