New Beginnings

Hey lil

Thought I'd also post on your diary. Free spins eh... Nothing is free these days is it ;o)

Anyway I'm sure there is a way to set a filter on your emails so anything with gambling, casino and such like in the content (you can customise your alert words) gets filtered out to spam or even instantly deleted. Just another idea for a block... Take it or leave it...

The early days are hard lil... Your armour needs to be STRONG. As you become stronger and put GF time away the trick then is to keep that armour topped up. But to begin with do all that you can to create an impenetrable wall between you and 'it'

Good luck

Thanks S - I know, was most annoyed with myself, but am feeling a little stronger now!

Just checking in 3days... NYE, but not doing much, with family though, so taking strength there!

Well... suffice to say that didn't go as planned. A NYE offer, alcohol, and no controls on the devices I was using meant a bit of a relapse. I just got into a zone be where I thought, right I'll tackle it tomorrow... not smart. But added resolve now, and committed to a full GF 2019! 1 day again....

Hi

Sorry to hear about the relapse. Back on the horse... Fair play.

Have you installed GamStop and maybe other software like Gamban on your devices? They are pretty easy to setup and can act as a super-effective blocker. Installing them also requires you to fully admit you are powerless over gambling and also requires you to accept it has and always will defeat you if you take it on. Installing it requires acceptance to finally be willing to put gambling behind you. For me the install was easy but the admittance and acceptance parts I have highlighted were mega difficult for me to come to terms with. Good luck.

Thank You! I'm having to do GamStop via email as it wouldn't work, so I’m on it... hopefully!!

Nice one. I sort of went the whole hog and cancelled my cards, ordered new ones which my wife keeps, deleted PayPal accounts, cancelled old credit cards... Even changed the pin on my son's Amazon fire pad!

But you know what lil... I REALLY want this. I really do. I'll do anything to change my ways... So cancelling a few cards and changing a few pins is nothing in the grand scheme of things is it...

Right, have started the process of a new bank account, moved the meagre amount of money I have out of my current bank account and checked parental blocks are on at home. Let's do this!

Hi ALN,

Thanks for the home truths, you are correct of course, there is a level of deceit here. And, perhaps I haven't truly admitted it has me beaten - but I know I have the strength to do this. My partner has a problems of his own that we are working through, possibly a reason for me starting this in the first place and right now as think it would be selfish of me to pile this on him. Although, I was thinking yesterday of talking to my sister - your post has definitely made me think more seriously about it all.

ALN wrote: Hi, Sorry for what I'm going to say but believe you need a wake up call and the only way to do this is by being straight. Until you come clean to your partner (they have a right to know, you share lives together and your actions have an impact on them too), put the correct barriers in place (no access to cash or cards), and accept that gambling truly has you beat, you haven't a chance with this illness. You need a solid foundation to build your recovery and honesty is a must if you're to move forward. At this time nothing has changed and your character remains deceitful. I could post well done on 3days and keep going but let's face it until paying this illness the respect that it deserves how would that be helping you.

Lil,

Telling my partner was the most horrific, frightening, sick to the stomach, emasculating thing I have probably ever had to do in my life - I virtually had to be forced to do it by the people on this site so even at the point of doing so I would say to an extent I was under duress. But take it from me, I'd still be gambling now if I hadn't.

Telling you partner shuts a huge open door in your gambling life... so yes, when the room heats up and the door is closed you have no way out and have to stick it out, then the urge passes and you haven't gambled for at least that moment - because if you have told your partner and you gamble again, they will know - it will be written all over your face, do you want to let them down any more than you have done already? No, so you fight the urge and don't gamble... then the days and weeks build up and you slowly start to put gambling behind you as it finds it harder to get in.

I realise now that every day I didn't tell her about my gambling I was letting her down and myself down. She looked at me that day I told her and wasn't sure who I was anymore, 4 months later she is dead proud of me. It can end up being the best thing ever you know.

Okay, 5 days GF (again!) have to say I’m feeling positive. Back at home, all stops are in place, have filled in paperwork for gamstop and have been busy with work-related stuff. I am completely poor this month though now, and still worry greatly about this. But I know that if I power through this then in three or four months I will feel much more in control. Of course, this relies on me staying GF!! Still thinking lots about how my long term playing games habit supported this, wondering if the 'virtual' money aspect means I never really took it seriously until it was too late. The nights I stayed awake working out how my quick ten pound slot game swallowed the best part of £500... money just kind of became meaningless! Hmmm...

And thanks S for this, I understand, I really do. My partner has a make or break meeting at work next work.. if all goes well then I may be able to talk to him. But if not then.. well..,

i kind of plan for the worst right now!

signalman wrote:

Lil,

Telling my partner was the most horrific, frightening, sick to the stomach, emasculating thing I have probably ever had to do in my life - I virtually had to be forced to do it by the people on this site so even at the point of doing so I would say to an extent I was under duress. But take it from me, I'd still be gambling now if I hadn't.

Telling you partner shuts a huge open door in your gambling life... so yes, when the room heats up and the door is closed you have no way out and have to stick it out, then the urge passes and you haven't gambled for at least that moment - because if you have told your partner and you gamble again, they will know - it will be written all over your face, do you want to let them down any more than you have done already? No, so you fight the urge and don't gamble... then the days and weeks build up and you slowly start to put gambling behind you as it finds it harder to get in.

I realise now that every day I didn't tell her about my gambling I was letting her down and myself down. She looked at me that day I told her and wasn't sure who I was anymore, 4 months later she is dead proud of me. It can end up being the best thing ever you know.

Isn't it a shame how we only value the money once it has been spent and we have naff all to show for it! I know what you're feeling only to well! Best not to dwell on those feelings though lil... Let them go and see every GF free day as a special type of currency your collecting to protect you from a continued future of misery and heartache.

Lil30 wrote:

Okay, 5 days GF (again!) have to say I’m feeling positive. Back at home, all stops are in place, have filled in paperwork for gamstop and have been busy with work-related stuff. I am completely poor this month though now, and still worry greatly about this. But I know that if I power through this then in three or four months I will feel much more in control. Of course, this relies on me staying GF!! Still thinking lots about how my long term playing games habit supported this, wondering if the 'virtual' money aspect means I never really took it seriously until it was too late. The nights I stayed awake working out how my quick ten pound slot game swallowed the best part of £500... money just kind of became meaningless! Hmmm...

This sounds exactly like me. I am so poor this month but keep thinking that it will all work out and soon I will really see the difference.

Gamstop is a lifesaver for me right now

CJ x

Hello Lil. Hope your ok and enjoying the weekend.

It is early days in your recovery but already I am impressed by your mature attitude, determination and understanding. It pleases me to see your footprints here and there on the diaries. Although you have your own difficulties to cope with you still make the effort to give support and encouragement to your gamcare friends.

I wish you well as you continue on your gamble free journey ...stephen