NEW DAWN , NEW DAY , FEELING GOOD !

ALAN 135 wrote:

Well dear diary this is the first input on my new diary page , have sent my old one " In the begining " off to the cyber scrap heap where it belongs, as I got really fed up of looking back at where I'd been .

So on day 250 of being gamble free I'ts time for a fresh start and as the title suggests I'm feeling pretty good and very optimistic about the future right now .

Every day at the moment life just seems to get better since giving up gambling , I wake every morning and apart from some severe pain in my dodgy right hip , I look forward to the day ahead , for the first time in many years I feel at peace with myself and am looking forward to the future as never before .

It's so nice just to spend time with those around me that I love , enjoying simple things again , conversation , company , a chilled beer or nice glass of wine , or as today walking the dogs for miles through an empty forest with my partner who's been my rock alongside my kids for a very long time . So different from 9 months ago when everything revolved around gambling and the need for money , the greed filled hours , fuel'd by the fact of " enough was never enough " , I'ts only now that I can look back and realise that I didn't actually need any of it and that I already had it all , I suppose like many on here it was the false lifestyle that any winnings would have offered me , the money and the trappings of being a succesfull gambler I could have proudly lavished on my family but I now know that that wasn't what they needed either and that it was all an illusion created by myself in order to justify continuing to gamble .

I'm under no illusion I'll always have to keep my guard up , just as with my diabetes It's always going to be there hovering in the background but will remain perfectly managable with proper control in place . 9 months ago I was like a scattered jigsaw , all over the place my life so fragmented I really could see no way of getting myself back together again , scared of opening post because of bills and Credit card debt , telling lies to cover my spending , loss of all self esteem and unable to look my loved ones in the eye for fear of being outed but wow what a turnaround now !, my self respect has returned, I'm feeling happy and honest to myself and those around me, all the parts of the jigsaw finally coming back together so the pictures looking good .

To anyone who reads this especially if your new to the site , then I'll just say this " You can turn your life around , you just have to want to enough !" .

Alan , a compulsive gambler , reclaiming life , "One day at a time " .

Hats off to you on day 254. To keeping the guard up. Tri

He's ok Alan was speaking with him last night

Hi Alan,

I hope that you are well. Thank you for your support.

Best wishes

Dave

hopeful soul wrote: Hi Alan,

Thanks for the post...you're indeed right & i didn't wait a second to get on the phone to Dad & Mum! o*g...i am smiling ear to ear and can hardly remember laughing out loud so much! Ringing Sis next cause that's what families does - keeps in touch with each other 😉

Thanks again and have a good day dear soldier - keep on winning & enjoying recovery!

S x

Hey Al, wrote this yesterday but snail mail didn't deliver straight away! Anyway, thanks for the post...as you see - worked miracles for me!

Take care and stay safe!

Hello dear diary , So day 256 since my last bet and feeling pretty good , relaxed and chilled are the words I choose to use to describe my current state and TBH most days are like that now , when I look back at weekends when gambling it really fills me with dread . I usually work most Saturdays until about 6ish but that wouldn't stop me nipping down to the bookies beforehand , the inevatable would happen and I'd start with a couple of dog bets , win lose or draw I'd then stand and throw £100 0r £ 200 in to the Fobt , after which the panic and feelings of regret and being absolutely gutted would sit with me for the rest of the afternoon , so would that be it for the day ? , of course not , wasn't going to let them win was I ? .

Work would finish and off I'd trot to another bookies trying to recoup what I'd blown in the morning only to lose more money , then the feelings would get a whole lot worse , sitting on a Saturday night with my stomache in knot's , not even thinking "thats enough now " but more about how I was going to justify to my partner getting into town on my own to carry on the binge and win all my money back on Sunday . If I was fortunate enough to get a bit back or maybe sometimes all what I'd lost so far , would I then stop ? Nah !! , just meant that in my gamblers mind my luck had changed , so it was then justifyable that I could go to the casino on Sunday night to make my fortune and live the gambler's dream for ever , you know the one where you can give everyone the dream lifestyle that only you could give , which would then make people look up to you like some sort of all providing God ? , that of course never happened and the new week would begin in the same manner it always did by trying to be clever and devious covering my losses with more credit card transfers and cash advances .

9 months on and I now realise I was totally trapped in a repeat cycle that would never change, or allow me to stop until I made the decision to change and stop .

This weekend my hours are the same as they were back then but I'm not sat with those feelings anymore , I'm calm and relaxed spending time living in the moment with those I hold dear all around me and I really do have everything that I need in life , all made possible by one choice and one decision , " For today I will not Gamble " .

Alan , " Compulsive Gambler "

Keep recovering. Well done. Tri "Recovering gambler"

Hi, Alan,

Glad to hear all is well. I think we've agreed again once or twice this week...

BW,

CW

Morning all , 9 months ago I woke up and smelt the Coffee , today I'm having the full english !!!!!!...........

Best wishes and a Gamble free day to all in recovery !

Alan

Hi Alan just wasn't to say your posts all around this forum are very inspiring! Thank you!

Al ma pal! Lovely to read your posts, you say it as it is and your openness and honesty is fantastic reading. I'm sure all gamblers reading here can see themselves mirrored in your posts.

Thank you for keeping up with me, it's very kind. I've got a few health issues but nothing I cannot overcome. Still working, still eating, chatting and laughing so all's good.

Take care lovely man xx

Hi Alan just read your initial post on here , it is so refreshing to read and provides much needed motivation to us all particularly as I am only 2 days in but fully committed to being at the stage you are , I can't wait to have my life back , like you mention we chase money which the majority of the time we do not need I was often placing bets where my stake was considerably more than the win , huge odds on bets . Looking back now I am incredibly ashamed as people think I am a clever guy but this just Spurs me on now thank you for posting

Hey. ...thought id pop over and say hellooooo....
Hope all's well with you my booty x

Pick battles Al does you no good getting involved.

If P**s into the wind eventually it will blow back and P**s on your cake.

(No dig at you Sandra just thought it was witty, I know it's all water under the bridge or should I say P**s)

No chat tonight Alan?

Sorry should of made it clearer your posts to Samson I sense frustration.