No looking back

93 days gf. Words can't describe how hard the past 3 months have been. I've been to hell, not hell and bk, but to hell and only slowly working my way back. Physical illness is so truly bad, as well as mental illness, and a family to take care off, I've felt broken.. I've had to have family support me as I've some days been incapable.  Its been truly awful.. those urges have entered my head often...saying 'go on stace, its your escape, take yourself away from it all to your place that makes it better.!!' 

But NO. I've not given in, that isn't my escape, thats my walk further into hell and I refuse to do that. I'm scared. I'm scared I won't recover physically and life won't be the same again. I pretty much spend my days in pain and tears. I can barely type so can't have proper conversations in chat as typing takes too long. This already has taken 20 minutes to write. 

No one knows what others are going through and kindness and understanding costs nothing.. 

I managed to order some Christmas presents today, something else I've been unable to do due to illness as I just can't walk round shops or browse online. So I've had money sitting in the bank....also huge temptation to 'escape '. But I've stayed strong. But I'm suffering , so im sorry if I've been unkind to anyone, or said something upsetting on here....sorry. forgive me.

Stace xx

Please don't worry stace xxx u haven't said anything upsetting. 

Every time u get down or have gambling thoughts go to a Xmas list and buy a small present like u did last year....  Then tick it off..... 

Then we can enjoy Christmas and celebrate how far we have come...

Lots of love ? Adam xxx

94 days gf... yes I'm proud... but I'm so upset, so ill, will I ever get better and get back to me.! And be the mum I was. I need help ? so far meds, treatments etc not working. So unfair. I just want to be better , why is that so hard to happen. I'm letting my kids down. They need me.

o*g I can't do this no more

Wish I could say what I need to day about last night as it was completely cruel but I'd be banned as someone always seems to be able to say and act in a horrible way and its just allowed. I'm upset but oh well.@!  Il be the bigger person,  anxiety through roof , which YES I'm having support for, but it make my urges bad. But 96 days gf, il take that.............     

Hope you're ok Stace. Stay strong. ❤

So I'm 98 days gf ?? pretty proud of myself 

Posted by: Stace

So I'm 98 days gf ?? pretty proud of myself 

Very proud of you Stace ? you will always be a star in my eyes.

Stephen ?

Thankyou Stephen ??

100 days tomorrow  ???

What an fantastic milestone, you are right to be super proud of yourself, you give others the strength and belief to fight like you have. Well done and keep going !

Hi,

100 days is a fantastic achievement, keep going.

Best

AL

Well done stace I just logged on and thought I would have a look at your diary to see how you doing .

And I can see you have had difficult days and weeks but how super to read you have got to such a big milestone I’m so happy for you. ☺️☺️
Holly x 

Ahhh holly hi, how are you doing? Hope your doing well ?

I'm 100 days gf today ??? I did it, didn't think I would but I have and I'm so happy. Its been hard but I didn't give in 

Amazing stace, 100 days gamble free ? ???