No looking back

I've just done a post in overcoming problem gambling. But I'm going to copy it onto here too, so Its on my diary aswel...

For all you people battling this horrid horrid addiction..for those gamble free, for those relapsing, for those who just can't stop...for all of us. We need to stop and think. Even if its just for a moment. I'm currently 6 weeks gamble free, but the affects of my gambling , the damage, is done..can I repair it?? In time yes I hope I can, but will I ever be trusted again, probably not.. I've got my family into debt. My partner, hard working, going out working 40+ hours a week to provide for his family, our beautiful kids and what did I do, gamble it away.! These past few years my life has spiralled, its been like a horrible roller coaster, with so many ups n downs, but mainly,  sadly , downs. 

When were gambling, we don't really stop and think do we. We don't think about how our gambling, lying,behaviour, debt, anything, affects those closest to us. I've hurt my partner beyond belief, I cry when I think of the hurt I've caused. Even if he says he trusts me not to gamble again, I think he will always have a doubt in his mind. 

My kids.. well , they have missed out on so much. Me being depressed (not caused by gambling, but definitely made worse by it). Not having money for the days out and treats they so deserved. Not being there, even if I was there, most of the time I wasn't actually 'there's if that makes sense. They didn't ask to have a mum who developed an addiction, but there definitely the ones suffering because of it. my kids are my world,  so why have I done this? Why didn't I stop all those years ago when it first became a problem. Why did I carry on. I used it to escape, but thats not good enough, my kids should of been a good enough reason to stop.

Debt... well what can I say. Before gambling I had spare money. I had savings. I had no debt. All my bills were up to date, I was comfortable with no financial worries. Now, we'll,  I'm in alot of debt, can't even say how much because I don't know. Its alot. One thing I never thought about when I was gambling, never even crossed my mind, that one day , I would have a review and my bank statements would be looked at.!! Please please be careful people. Use me as an example of what can happen. I receive some housing benefit, and I was randomly picked by dwp for a random check. Something that has never ever happened before. As part of this check, they needed to see bank statements for March. March was an unbearably difficult time for me and my gambling was off the scale bad, at its worse.! I asked why it had to be marchs statements as was months ago and again they said it gets picked at random.! This has made me so ill. The bank statement for March was over 30 pages long. 30 pages for just 1 month and the state of it. As most know I didn't just gamble on online site but another way too (which I'm not going to say as I font want to give people ideas who may not know about it) but with that type of gambling, I was paying people, not sites. So the amount of transactions coming in and out of the bank was thousands....thousands, I was totally and utterly shocked. And terrified. I've been thinking all sorts, what if I get done for fraud? What if that particular money is stopped? Jyst so much. If not eaten in days, not slept for 2 nights, and the other nights were restless, a suicide attempt (i won't say when) but seriously people, please stop and think. We don't think about things like this, but if I can help just 1 person by telling you this then I'm happy.

Gambling will destroy us. It kills people, it knocks there mental health lower than they've ever been before. It turns us into liars, some people turn to crime,  stealing  , etc. It drives us to places we never thought we would end up. Turns us into completely different people that our family and friends no longer recognise. It causes debt, homelessness, losing family, losing friends. Is it worth it? Its not. 

Please please please, just stop,  think, get your blocks in place, ask for help, and run in the opposite direction to this disgusting addiction.

Stace xxxx

Dear @stace ,

Firstly, congratulations on 6 weeks gamble free, that is a brilliant achievement. The journey of recovery is not always an easy one but you are doing really well and we are here with you through it.

I'm sorry to hear about the impact the gambling has had on your mental health. Gambling can have such a big impact on how we are feeling but you are never alone.

I'm glad you are continuing to share your journey on the forum with a view of helping others by sharing your experiences too. 

Keep posting and sharing, 

All the best, 

Sophie C

Forum Admin

Thankyou so much Sophie, means alot. One thing I know is i won't gamble again. Will take to December before I'm financially back on track, but thats taking into account two kids birthdays and Christmas too, so not to bad really, I know it could be so much worse. I will keep fighting.. I won't give in no matter what. I'm done with gambling.

Stace

It is wonderful to see you making good progress Stace.

Recent posts by Holly, Freda, Captain and Sophie show how much you are loved and respected by friends in Gamcare.

May I wish you and your loved ones every happiness, now and forever.

Aum ?

Thankyou aum

So so stressed..dont know how to get through this weekend ? 

On plus side I will be 7 week gf Monday, only wish I'd stopped a long Time ago, caused so much damage. When will things ever be ok again? 

For those who have relapsed or are still gambling, that feeling you get when all your money is gone  that horrible sick to the stomach feeling.... hold onto it (not literally) but get a piece of paper, write it down, physical feelings...shaky. heart racing. Everything..mentally. get it all written down, and when you get an urge, even if its not a full on urge and just a flitting thought, get that piece of paper and read it. Read how you felt..Read the damage you cause. Just read read read.... it might sound so silly but it is honestly the one thing right now thsts stopping me from gambling. My heads all over,and I so want that instant escape , but I won't , I won't because I read my paper, and my words hit me hard everytime, takes me back to my last day of gambling and I won't do that again

Stace

Stace,

My personal problem is online gambling. I joined Gamcare to stop online gambling. I did not join to stop land bingo or land slots. I’ve always said, if at any time land gambling becomes an issue I will address that. 

But, for now, Captain46 is my friend and is supporting me in my journey, as he has supported others over the years. 

You don’t have to agree with what I do, you should however respect that I choose my path, just as you are choosing yours. 

Well done on almost reaching 7 weeks. That’s brilliant!

Tizzy xx

Hi Stace

Apologies for the wording from me which you found on another diary and deemed to be inappropriate. Was merely trying to support another members chosen path in same way that I try and support anyone who may benefit from my experience but noted re the context of the wording.

Keep going with your recovery.

Best Wishes

Captain 

Think I'm 7 weeks gamble free today. Its not been easy, and there's been times I've really wanted to give in, but I don't like that life, so I won't. Ticking down the weeks til December, will finally be rid off the people I owe money to then, it really can't come quick enough. Plus me , my kids and family love Christmas ? because of covid, the last couple of years we haven't got together on Christmas day like we usually do, so this year me , my sisters, brother, nephew, are all meeting up at my parents on Christmas day, my mum really wants us all there, I'm really looking forward to it. Will be nice celebrating Christmas and celebrating no longer owing money. This year, despite everything that's happened and all the gambling, I still managed to save for Christmas, its money I can't access til 5th November, I'm so so glad I did it,  because if I could of got my hands on it  I would of gambled the lot. So I know Christmas is sorted, I have no worries over that, just need to struggle by til then.. I just keep saying to myself it will soon be here. And this will all be over.

Stace

Well done on 7 weeks stace, it's great you have something to look forward too as well.

Lou x

Thanks lou.. just wish I'd never got myself in this mess in first place x

?recovery is something you have to work on every day , it doesn't get a day off?

Night Times always seem to be the hardest times for me regarding gambling.. I don't sleep very well and my mind always runs away with me , there isn't really much that can be done as distractions during this time, especially early hours, when kids are sleeping and partner and I don't want to wake any of them. That seemed to be when I'd gamble most. What I wrote when I last gambled is definitely helping me now, I will get it out and read it, sometimes around the times I can't sleep, il use the light from my phone to see it. Reading how I felt that day, instantly puts a stop to any kind of urge I have. I'm determined this is my time now. I don't want the gambling life thats consumed me for years. I've not gambled now for 7 weeks so I know I can do this. Definetly heading for better times.

For now,its one day at a time for me ?

Such a horrible hard day.!

? Congratulations Stace ??

? Fifty days gamble-free ?

Respect from Aum ?