NOT A DIARY TYPE OF PERSON!!!!

Thankful to say I made it to day 3. Spending time with my daughter, feel shame but trying to stay positive. 

Day 5 today feeling a little better, just trying to take things one day at a time and keep trying to learn. The feelings of guilt and that I’m a bad person I need to try and understand that I wouldn’t behave like this and lose all that money if I weren’t addicted.

Don’t give up on yourself… One day at a time is the best practice but you need to accept that the demon of gambling is there in and around you all the time so you have to find a way that suits you to tell it no.

stay strong in your recovery! We’ve got this together

Thanks @sillyboy1981 your words definitely help and well done on your gamble free journey still smashing off those days. This is day 12 without a bet, can’t think straight head is all over the place but I’m trying to take one day at a time. All this just for me trying to make more money. My constant efforts of trying to stop, getting to 2 months 3 months 4 months free. As soon as the light at the end of the tunnel gets closer it’s like a want to self destruct again. It has to change this time. I have a course I’m doing through gamcare with my first appointment today I’m hoping this can help. 

@sean121 

Hi

Every day with out a bet helps reduce the pains and fears we abuse our self.

Just today only I will not gamble it sets a boundary set on valuing our self and to no longer cause myself further pains and fears.  

In time anxiety stress reduce as we reduce our fears.

Understanding when we are vulnerable and change our unhealthy reactions.

12 days without a bet, is very powerful you are doing it.

You want to self destruct, is that true, do you at this time see your addiction as being unhealthy.

Do you want a more healthy life for your self.

Being in recovery is about healing from the pains of our past, to reduce our existing fears and get to make healthier choices in every day events.

Love and peace

Dave L

Thanks Dave for your advice. I appreciate others words and help a lot as I like you are trying to abstain from the horrible addiction gambling is. I’m glad to say I still am gamble free for 33 days, my situation financially is still bed and will take a long time to fix but I’m back on the straight and narrow. Had a few unexpected financial problems where it has been stressful to find the money I need, managed to just about cover it but the reason it was stressful is that I gambled away all my savings a few weeks prior. I need to remember that however much I feel like I want to bet it will lead to destruction each and every time. I wish I could stop those thoughts of betting because they are still there, I’m trying to think about why I’m having those thoughts. Generally if I’m bored at work and I’m sitting in front of the computer I might look at odds of the football team I support, or scrolling through social media and gambling videos constantly pop up. Although I’m not acting on this, I know last time I got to around 110 days gamble free I was watching more and more gambling videos online before I relapsed. Not sure if anyone else has this problem, so much harder to avoid it nowadays when it’s in my face 24/7 online. Anyway feel better than I did 33 days ago, slowly but surely one day at a time. Hope everyone else is managing to stay strong. One day I may be able to smile again and feel like I am on top of this. 

Hi sean121,

Well done and staying strong and focused on making your life better.

On the topic of gambling videos I believe it's very common for relapse after watching gambling videos because it's exactly the same as gambling except for the financial aspect. Gambling is a visual psychological addiction rather than a substance addiction where you physically put something in your body. Everytime you watch a gambling video you light the emotions and feelings that the addiction thrives on and you give it more strength.

Have a great day!

Kind regards 

Thanks @wallis77, I did relapse last time after spending days watching virtual racing imagining betting, I haven’t done that for a while now it’s just the social media stuff that sometimes grabs my attention and watch a video but I’m trying to skip past and ignore them. Day 51 gamble free, can actually say I have had a few days feeling happier, I’m just gonna try for this next month to focus more on myself. Hard to be upbeat cos it feels like you can’t spend money when you have put yourself in so much debt. I guess that’s my reminder not to go back to it. Got a holiday booked though in a few months which gives me something to look forward too. Will try to keep logging on here to remind myself of where I was and 100% this time I don’t wanna go back to that place. Hope everyone is doing well in there own recoveries. 

Hi sean121,

We are all working progress and it's only normal to find out what doesn't work so we can find out what does work.

Having things like holidays to look forward to are really important because otherwise life just seems one long drag. 

I totally understand what it's like to have blown loads of money and then feel like you can't justify buying a cup of coffee. As addicts I believe we are extremes in every way. 

I found that visualisation was an important tool in recovery. Visualisation at 1month, 3 months, 6 months and 1yr etc was important for motivation. I would visualise life with and without gambling. I was reading Tom Daleys autobiography recently and he was explaining that visualising the prospect of being Olympic gold medalist got him through all the pain and injuries he injured along the way and without it he wouldn't have achieved his goal. 

Take care! 

Hi

I use to fear exposing to much about myself.

Walking in to the recovery program I did not have a clue how unhealthy I was.

Why did I fear being honest and accountable even to myself.

As a child when ever I was asked to be honest I was punished in so many ways physical emotional and even with humiliation.

Step four asked me to be accountable to myself.

That to me felt like it was a very painful process.

Yet once I moved from thinking about money lost the guilt shame and regret I understood I could only start a healthier life by dealing with the life I was leaving behind.

I have lost count of how many times I went back to gambling over twenty years.

Yet the day comes when I got it, the light bulb moment was no longer about repeated text, that recovery was about a healing process.

In time the therapies started, I wrote things down, I felt I needed to understand more about myself and how to articulate my feelings and emotions.

In other people therapies I would see and feel what success and being healthy was all about,  I would see and feel healthy intimacy that others had with family and children, that love and appreciation was an every day thing.

Yes less anger, very little fears, intimacy and people becoming more and more self sufficient.

In others I saw and felt my success.

I no longer want to feel left behind or with out faith or hope in myself.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK